Not dead yet. Which is uhm, cool, I guess…

I’ve finally found a method, shitty though it may be in some ways, I could still make it work. It’s progress I guess, I never really knew how exactly I’d go out, which made me start questioning if I’m really as bad mentally as I think, or if I’m just “magnifying” it as they say, basically being dramatic. I don’t know. I haven’t said anything to anyone for a while now. Nobody around me knows anything. I’m doing it like that so I don’t just become a drag for them for months or a year or however […]

I haven’t met a person who completely understands my feelings and emotions . I have a small circle of friends and i feel like they are my closed ones. But when they itself can’t understand me and juz turn me off ….. I feel fucked up . Why this human creatures know only to hurt people ….. but not to embrace everyone with love and affection . And we can get down for our closed ones but when it is gonna happen continuously its stressing.  I cant take it at some point . Why everyone are like this …. Or idk I’m the one doing […]

There’s a kind of absurdity that comes from recognizing that you’ve become the lowest of the low. A huge amount of dissonance arises. On the one hand, you’re you, and you’re an essentially good person, right? There are reasons you do the things you do, and you feel at least somewhat justified. You don’t want to hurt anyone, really – at least, not most of the time.

And then you get these moments of distance, when you see yourself through the eyes of others.  And you think back on your actions, your motivations, your desires. And you realise “Oh shit, I’m the bad guy! I’m the […]

How can someone so young, already be this tired of life.? I don’t want to travel, I don’t want to see shit. I just want to sleep, until my eyes don’t hurt anymore.

maybe it’s childish, maybe i deserve it in the end. i don’t like to go outside of my room and see his horrid face and hear his demonic voice. i keep myself in my room until he slumbers, starving myself till it’s time to go out.

i’ve been living with hunger pains for 2-3 years, and only now am i getting more moody and suicidal because of it. cutting myself more, bashing my head more, and choking myself more just to get the pain out. even so.. after all these years of being hungry, i still limit myself to 900-1200 calories. is that too big? i’m […]

One more word from her and I’m having that website subpoenaed and getting a restraining order. I quit my freaking job twice because she couldn’t refrain from “watching me”. It was a known issue among my managers and even they kept me in the loop when she would sneak into the store. I didn’t want to go this route and just move on but she’s got a line crossed and wants me to suffer for her delusions. She told people that I said to kill herself when in reality it was her that said that she doesn’t want to talk and wants me to kill […]

I hate my life. I hate my body. I am hated by others. People don’t respect me. I have no purpose. I am lonely. Tired. I want to die

I’ve called into the 988 hotline in my area several times and despite having 24/7/365 support it’s something where people don’t support you. Have you had similar experiences? If so what is a decent hotline. I was literally asked if I was suicidal and if I wanted to die tonight.

im just done with life tbh. all it takes is this one person to yell and everything i’ve been coping with just comes down at me again and again. they don’t know half the stuff i think about. and i’m so frickin sorry that i can’t be like their perfect son. i dont even want to be him. i’ve just been thinking about *method* a lot lately. it would be such a nice escape from this life.

my suicide kit was delivered. soon, i’ll be ready.  I’m not there yet. i need to write letters and say goodbye to those old places.

I think there was a critical error in my assumption that physical pain would be easier to endure than emotional pain. There’s a pain threshold in both directions, and mitigating factors are the only thing that can hold them in check

this is all coming out of one of the physically most painful weeks of my life. At least twice a day for four days I had to stop working either because I was losing mobility in my arms, or because I was shaking uncontrollably. Then, against all rationality, I had to return to the task that made me freeze up. 10 hour days, shoving fixtures […]

I mind my own damn business, I take my meds everyday, I don’t gossip about my neighbors. I smoke my hookah and decide to take a dip in my families new pool and I overheard the neighbor inside her house screaming that they are going to call the cops on me. I took a late night dip the other night and I heard that same woman accuse me of only going in my pool to spy on her. Seriously WTF! My parents won’t tell me whats going on because they don’t want me to have another episode but I heard my brother and father […]

We had no rights growing up because of parents but we make sure you receive yours. I see what it did to me and I don’t want that happen to others. The gaslighting ends here. Not only for me but others too. We had to stay home given issues with age regression and being such we went through constant abuse and violation of rights. I stayed at home until 25 years of age given said age regression issues and I dealt with constant abuse being such. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through at least in terms of violation of rights. […]

I’ve been in the ICU since Monday. The rash on my body has slowed, but I’m starting to bleed from my mouth and penis constantly. My lips scab over and fall off pretty much every day. I’m starting to have open wounds on my neck and scrotum. I feel so claustrophobic being hooked up to IVs and machines. I haven’t taken a shower and I smell like shit. I hate this. I can’t keep up with school and am already behind. I barely understand the assignments.

My mom brought up maybe taking a year off school […]

Yep it’s me again, Margaret.  The local fuck up. I have added to my list of fuck ups, and I have a new idea I am developing. I have put a lot of thought into this, put things in place and planning for it. I have secured life insurance for my wife and daughter. They will want for nothing. I have read the fine print on the policy to make sure self inflicted homicide is covered. I have established lines of credit that my wife can use after I am gone for her convenience. I have written a letter to them both. All that is […]

Hi. I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna be here. I feel like I cant even breathe anymore. The noise won’t stop, both around me and in my head. I feel like *insert method here* so fucking bad right now. Though I don’t know why that way specifically. Never thought I’d go that way. But I might. I can’t handle this anymore. They don’t listen and they don’t care. I don’t see any point in being alive right now. This is so repetitive. They all probably find me obnoxious. I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been trying to look for methods for […]

Thanks for the worries with my posts. I’m doing okay. I just need people to be there for me especially given the effects of my assault.

I hope I die soon. I’m too ill to fulfill everything expected of me. Everyone hates me now because I’ve changed.

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The year is 2022. The month and date is September 9th at 08:48 AM and this is our current reality (at least where I live) and it sucks. If there was a time where I wanted to enforce the world needs to change it’s now. I’m open myself to the line of suicide however many times when I’m serious I post on this forum. There are stages of seriousness that I take when suicidal and I would honestly like to say I’m at the full blown stage. Anywho. To repeat the date is September 9th 2022 and nobody cares about anyone but themselves. Anyone 13 […]