Such a harsh world we live in. I’ve given myself a one-year ultimatum. If nothing changes for the better then I guess, it would be the end for me. However I don’t think I can manage to make it by the end of 2022. It’s just the 2nd month & I feel like saying goodbye to this world. I want to go. I really want to. I want to go home. I’ve been here long enough.
lately i’ve constantly felt disconnected. i’ve felt things around me but i haven’t at the same time. my problems are all popping up left and right and i’m honestly just trying to figure out how to cope. i don’t think i’ve ever felt so alone then i do in these moments. i’ve lost friends left and right and i can’t help but feel disgusted when thinking of myself. I’ve been reading a lot more about how to do it and i’m nervous bc i want too so bad. i know i shouldnt and i don’t even have a method but i’m just trying. i want […]
i just want to sleep and never wake up. or just runaway from everyone i know and start fresh. there’s no in between.
I cant breathe. My lungs work just fine but there doesnt seem to be enough oxygen to fill them, my chest is not big enough to hold enough air to fill this black hole pulling me in.
I wonder why im back at this point. The last two weeks or so ive been doing great, havent cut in nearly a month now. Perhaps thatll change tonight. Perhaps i wont be strong this time. That thought crosses my mind every day, several times a day. Maybe its time to give in
I am very tired. I slept for a long time. But I’m still tired. Being asleep is nice, but now my anxieties are creeping in now too. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know anything. I’m so very alone. What am I even doing honestly? Where are we? Hate this so much. Hate everything.
“I feel hurt because….” but you know you’re the one with the problem so you brush it off. “it’s nothing important” You keep telling yourself it’s not important, allowing them to continue the behaviour that made you feel hurt. Causing you to feel more and more abandoned. But it’s your own fault. You fall farther and farther. Feeling more and more alone. Feeling less and less important. But what can you do, when you know you’re the problem.
I think that this year might be the end. If nothing changes this year or the next I’m pretty determined to die.
The pain is deep,
The pain is real,
Sometimes I wish you knew how I felt,
They give me medicine to make me change,
But anothor anti-depressant wont make me sane,
You say take your medicine,
Yet I still feel the same,
Great Ive given myself anothor black eye,
My only regret is youll suffer but why,
The punching myself eased the pain,
The chord around my neck makes it so real,
That a matter of life is just seconds away from finally ending and taking this pain.
Its Go away,
But baby I really want you to stay,
Its tell me you love me a thousand times,
But then I hate you so never mind ,
Its leave,
But come right back,
Its he can have you,
But your my girlfriend,
Its a twister of thoughts that make no sense,
But they seem so real,
‘Its a roller coaster of emotions that never ends,
Its one more suicide attempt to end this pain,
But all I really want is for you to stop me,
You think its a game,
But to me its my life.
Mm, gotta laugh at myself for this – I wanna go get my hemp rope, not to end it,although I do want to die. Just to cut off the blood flow for a bit.
Funny part is I just cleaned and I don’t want to get rope litterings in the house.
Seems I need another rope, nylon or cotton lol
7 years since I was last here.. I think. I’ve traveled. I’ve gotten married. I almost had a baby. Things kind of fell apart and now they’re on the upswing. Life is good.
So why am I home alone writing a note and trying to figure out how to avoid a mess? I’m not scared this time. I’ve just cracked again. Avoidance doesn’t work when it comes to suicide. It just gives you more time to build new relationships and add to the guilt of hurting more people.
I’m procrastinating. I wonder if there’s anything after this?
damn i’m back after 14 months. broke up with my girlfriend long back, long distance wasn’t working. went out with another girl soon after, she flew back to her country. currently going out with someone else but i feel like i’m receiving mixed signals from her. confronted her regarding this a week ago and she apologized, we had dinner the other day and it was fun. but i’ve been left on seen from the past 10 hours. being the anxious and the overthinking person i am, shit like this affects me even though my rational side knows nothing is wrong. over the past 14 months, […]
I find it concerning that just like last time, the very clearly copied lies are still here, but the ones standing up to them isnt. This doesn’t exactly feel like a safe place when lies are allowed.
Maybe if I write about it, it won’t come for me tonight. I’ve been having a recurring nightmare, that I’m back in the high school I went to, and I’m as old as I am now. I turned 34 on Wednesday, and I’m starting to feel a little old. There is no way I could be mistaken for a teenager, and in the dream I am mocked by the teachers of the classes; “That’s what happens to con artists.”
I’m not convinced they are wrong. I think I was a con artist, thinking I could pull a career out of my skills and limitations. Now what […]
how come whenever i’m just existing, i have this dreadful feeling? this sinking feeling in my gut and throat that my friends don’t love me, my parents dislike me, and the world is better off with me dead? i could be happy one moment, then shoot myself down in my own head by reminding me on how miserable i make the people around me.
im scared of death, but i want to die. im scared of the afterlife, or the lack of one. am i a good enough person to go to heaven? one day ill die, whether it be by my hand, someone else’s hand, […]
TV and social media show us the world through filters there all people are happy all families are structured. But where are the dysfunctional people, the poorly structured families, the broken people and the Suiciders like us?
We just don’t exist but we are everywhere and bet on saying we are the majority in this world.
Everyday is a lie Everyday we live a lie. Every day is the collective delusion of the lie.
I just wish my mom would try to understand my emotional pain. I wish she would support me emotionally. I wish she would tell me she loves me. I wish she wouldn’t put me down. I wish she wouldn’t judge me. I wish she could see the hurt she causes me. I wish I could hate her. I wish and wish and wish for the impossible when it comes to her. I know full well she isn’t the type of person I wish she could be. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose, it’s more like she’s blunt and doesn’t have a filter when […]
I feel like crap. I just left an abusive relationship.
Had to call the damn cops over a nick on my elbow – because I didn’t want this: (bite mark on my arm)
Or this:
(emotional abuse)
Or this: (isolation) -Saint Catherine of Bologna
13
will the pain ever end?
Im back again bc my wish to die came back today.
I have no family, no friends, no one. I’ve tried to do my best in life being totally alone but I got fed up of being alone and have no hope that it would change.
Loneliness is too hard to bear for so many years!
Sincerely speaking, I should live more 30 years and I cant imagine how to bear so much time of loneliness.