Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Please let me introduce myself: I am a suicide. “A suicide…?” you say, with some shock, thinking I have just made a joke in very poor taste. Yes, a suicide is what I am. I have been dead for some time now, emotionally and spiritually, if not physically as of the time of this writing. My actual name does not matter, nor do the majority of my life’s circumstances. I was never a happy person; that is not to say I had always been sad, or down, or any other state implying the opposite of ‘Happy”, merely that […]
The Muk, back and forth
Approaches from the dark
It approaches coming at you
Why doesn’t it stop
Side to side
Who or what, does it try to find
Butterfree, Caterpie
Nidoran, Nidoran
Waiting for the day that I can be alone
But then, I need somebody to help me breathe
The labyrinth, the spiral
Maybe one day, my electric one
Will I fly but I need to now
Bicycle, bicycle, auto-vehicle
Falling in love is great, but that’s just it, it’s the falling that’s fun. The air in your face as you free fall into the glorious euphoria that is opening yourself up to someone and trusting them completely, but nobody thinks about after the fall, the landing. You crash face first into the ground and you’re broke. Someone once said that love is not kind, well I say that love hurts, but even with that hurt and that pain, you still have to remember the fall and all the happy memories, and you can fix yourself, but it’ll take time, but eventually you’ll fall again. […]
I’ve realized that the pain has been growing inside me for the past two almost three months since my cousin death. Everything has been falling apart to me. Everyone says that I’m going to be fine I’m a couple of days but I always knew they were wrong. My cousin was killed in a car accident and ever since then I’ve been having the gut feeling in my stomach saying that it is my time to go. She is waiting for me wherever she is, and that she needs me there. The thing about her being gone is knowing I can’t talk to my best […]
I want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of what’s right & wrong. Everyday is a huge waste of energy. I just want to disappear. I’m tired of being the crazy one. The one in therapy…that’s not working. So I feel like a failure. I fail at all I touch.
People say there are a lot of methods to calming or getting ones self to relax.
For me one of the biggest ones is music , I just love it I’m a fan of many different genres from oldies to rap to heavy metal to country. It always made me smile after a bad or extremely stressful day. It saved me many times emotionally or days when I just felt like breaking down on the inside. Just pop on my favorite white headphones lay back and just relax.
Another one of my habits which i true hate to admit it cause i’m aware of how much harm […]
Seadra, Seadrea, Nidorina
Weezing, Muk, and Victreebel
The Pokemon of James
Did Misty catch a Nidorina
Into the “X” of times
I am the purple, hand to the sky
Do you play any games
Come along
Stanza, number two
The magnificent, a befallen of such die
Alakazam, the peace of all, hand to sky
Gotta’, Ash Ketchum
Pikachu to the end
Into the Raichu
And I don’t know how to stop.
I read something a long time ago. It said, “Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it transfers it to those who love you.” I cannot agree more.
I came home from a 12 hour shift at work, and saw this old picture in my phone. We seemed so happy at the time, and all I can think about is how much we were in love, but now as the tears stre down my face, all I can think about is the pain. When I’m alone, I can’t help but have dark thoughts of ending it all because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were the one that made life worth living. I know that people say that I’ll get over it, but right now the only thing I’m trying […]
I just want to begin with that I am an atheist, science is my only faith. So DO NOT GIVE ME ANY RELIGIOUS BULLSH*T. But to get down to it, I can’t deal with this existence anymore. I am weak. I am not capable of being, I am nowhere near strong enough. I hate this world, I hate myself and who I have become. I don’t want to be a part of this bullsh*t anymore. I have had a wonderful upbringing. Every opportunity has been afforded to me. I have no reason to feel this way. I have a bright outlook, academically and professionally. I’ve […]
Only one love for me. I’m devastated he’s gone…lost without him. Would do anything to get him back…anything.
So. Here is my plan. I’d prefer to not be inundated with “we can help!” because nobody can.
I cannot put this into effect until January, unfortunately. But I have done some research, and apparently Kirkland is a good sleeping pill. You can buy them in 96 tablets. I figured that probably isn’t enough, so what you could probably do is, buy a few. Maybe over time, so nobody gets suspicious. Assuming these are water-soluble, make a solution with water and these things. Get into a bathtub. Go under.
And never come up.
Thoughts? Ideas? Criticism? […]
I’ve thought about it for years. Tried various ways. Failed (obviously) every time. Lied my way out of hospital after hospital. Spent years “reinventing” myself. But can’t escape the overwhelming need to die. Not to die just any way. I need something creative. It cannot look like a suicide. It can NEVER be questioned. My husband doesn’t know and can’t know i am like this. He didn’t know me when i was “depressed,” medicated. In therapy everyday. He knows the now me. That person works 60 hours a week. That person adores her children. That person is positive and upbeat. Fun loving and adventurous. The […]
I often found myself on this site, in my darkest days when i’d thought i didn’t want to live anymore. I have tried to kill myself 3 times by overdose. I just can’t describe the feeling i have to anyone, i literally battle every single day of my life with suicidal thoughts. Next year i will be 20 and i have never felt loved by anyone in my entire life, sure i have a boyfriend and to the outside world he probably seems caring and loving, yet somethings missing. I have told him the way i feel and the things that i feel would make […]
I’ve been coming to this site for over 3 years now. I haven’t posted anything in over a year because I thought that I could fight this feeling of desperation, anxiety, loss and depression on my own. To be honest all I did was block everything out and I have become numb to the core. My world spun out of control last year with my mothers attempted suicide and her failed efforts to take my sister and I on the same journey to death (in simple terms: she tried killing as well by poisoning our dinner). This was the cherry on the cake that […]
When you are bipolar life is like a giant roller coaster. You go up and you go down… And if you’re really lucky you hit a plateau and you just sort of coast along for a while… I finally hit a plateau this morning. Yesterday I was so close to life being over… But this morning the fog lifted, and life goes on.
Yesterday was definitely the icing on it type of day. In a nutshell:
1. Still stuck in the world’s longest divorce.
2. Spouse had a baby with their new partner (I can’t have any more)
3. My new partner is an alcoholic and spent the day in a stupor
4. Had my previously good credit destroyed by ex’s credit card that has gone to collections
5. I was never joint on the card, yet it ended up on my record.
All of these above probably seem like nothing, yet these little hurts piled onto an already covered up person. The first, Le Divorce, came expected after I caught him texting a […]
Hey guys, so I’m new to this site but it seems like a good community. I don’t really know where to start so I guess I’ll just go for it.
When I was 15 my good friend from elementary school passed away from an asthma attack. I largely regard this as the beginning of it all. After that I became pretty depressed, it got pretty bad for a while but I got over it. Over the next few years it came and went on and off, a couple months depressed, a couple months happy, that sort of thing; though I’d always been too proud to actually […]
Damn. It’s Hot. I hate this island. Nothing ever makes sense here. Everyone is smoking and drinking and killing cursing and…is happy. Why do buses filled with white people come here? Who in their right mind would want to come here? Avoid the groid! It’s so hot! Is this hell? Because everyone torments me with their jubilee while I am just devastated. I thought that If I preserved my memories they preserve me but they are just a mental horror movie. My childhood wasted. The real me Lost somewhere in between the beatings and loneliness and alienation. Why here!? Haha. Maybe I should run to […]