I don’t want to say “I realized”, because that implies that I’m right about it. I don’t know that I am, so I say “I suspect”, and that seems too little. The idea came to me out of the blue, this morning at about 4 AM. First that I’ve gotten really good at talking my subconscious mind into dealing with things that I don’t want to. Take enough pills to sleep, subconscious kicks in and goes to work. It’s a very delicate balance, because if I tick it off I get nightmares, or in the case of this morning waking up into a panic.

The other […]

Today i had a fun day and to eat we had a vegetable soup and i said i didnt like it and my mom and step dad are coming at me like “its because your used to fat foods and chocolate all the time” “does your dad pay you to eat” just because i didnt want anymore today im going to start starving myself because if thats my problem im going to fix it. Im tired of this constant yelling i get it every day every other week. I want to leave already. This has been going on for 4 years since i was 8. […]

I just want to say that depression is forever, been dealing with it for 4 years now….. but I won’t give up!

It was a Monday, there always rough so I decided it was the best time. I researched the most painless ways but I didn’t have any options other than a knife. I tried multiple times before but I didn’t have the courage, but I knew this time it was it. I secretly grabbed a knife and sliced my stomach, I realized that I should have done it on my heart afterwards and fell to the floor. It was so painful and I saw my family members all crying while I was lying down. Honestly, its not worth it unless you have no family because your […]

I’ve never imagined my life would be this empty. For years now, my life became some kind of loop of the same failures. Every time I started something new, to improve my life and started hoping again, I ended up here, and wanted to end it all, still I tried again, but I don’t think I can do that now, I’m way too tired of feeling like this all the time, to know I would just fail again, and seeing how people around me either hostile towards me or feel sorry for me.
Now I have a method and a date to finally end it, […]

All I wanted was to write this book. I want to help others, but the more I chase it, the more things get in the way or put me down. I share pieces of it for feedback, only to have incoherent disgust thrown at me. I can’t work a job long before I have to quit because I don’t have the energy to work in two places at once. I disappoint my family every second I do this stupid shit, and now all I’m left with is this passion that is slowly dimming out with the impossible odds. I know that without fulfilling that, I’m […]

I am waiting for you.

I’ll always be waiting for you.

Even if it takes years.

Even after I die,

I’ll be waiting underground.

And if there is an after life,  I’ll be waiting you there.

My relationship broke down Halloween 2021. It has been a couple of months now and my state of mind has plummeted. We occasionally write to one another and I am trying to get her back. I know she will be in a park in Manchester end of this month. I am going to confront her and propose to her. Otherwise, I am off to Mexico to spend three months spending all the money I have or I might visit Canada one last time. I was once married to a Canadian woman. Maybe I should find another? In Mexico, I am going to get some medication […]

i never really understood why everyone called me black through out primary, never really hit me till i passed out of 4th only sort of understand what racism what when i was in 5th. ( im 16 male turning 17 in 6 months )

failed most of subjects never liked to do anything got bullied more and the girls in my class basically avoided going anywhere near me because of my black ass face. lost 99% of my self confidence in 5th

continued to fail every subject ( just passing by maybe 10-20 marks ) and getting scolded by dad and mom through out school till today

iv […]

its just been a hellhole, am happy for a week and I get one bad grade and am depressed for the next 3 weeks. If am a be real with you, am tired of this shit and I just wanna end my suffering.

I’m the type of person to kill them self and people’s reactions would be “ he’s seemed happy and perfectly fine, he had plenty of friends and family. There were no warning signs or concerns.” And they never saw it coming.

Cold and lonely

Is the girl from, Manitoba, still here? Why, I do not know, why.

is anyone looking for me here

I’m not really depressed.  I am preparing. I do not have a purpose.    I feel useless.  Anxiety.  I’m single with no children and I have no family.  I have no support structure. I’ve tried reaching out. My friends are too self involved. I have nothing to fall back on. Impending doom and hopelessness. All I want is to work hard and have a modest life and to have purpose but it always slips away from me.  I am high-functioning autism. That’s all. I’m not lovesick or lonely.  I’m stable, selfless and caring. I rarely even get angry.  I’m a decent person and I treat people […]

I don’t understand why I’m upset that everyone doesn’t want to be around me when all I do is push them away when they are. I don’t know why I’m here because I shouldn’t be with my last attempt but I can’t attempt again after making it so far, yet it isn’t going to get better. That’s all just a fucking lie. Everything is going to get so much worse and I don’t think I can handle it but I don’t think I can go through attempting again because I’ve made it so long it would just all be a waist if I were to […]

Hello, lovely people of suicideproject.org. I’m asking a favor from all of you. I’m currently undergoing DBT therapy. I’ve only been doing it for about three months, so I’m in the early stages of recovery. While I’ve learned a few useful skills, I feel as though it’s not enough. My panic attacks and feelings of emptiness are getting worse. I’m still very suicidal nearly every day, and I think dying would (obviously) interfere with my treatment. That’s why I’m considering taking medications.

For context, I’m doing DBT therapy to treat my emotional dysregulation problems. For now I don’t have a specific official diagnosis written in my […]

I found it here, and found some replies which I think are worth sharing: https://9gag.com/gag/aDDxXxx?ref=android

Jakelong81 writes:

“I was in a very dark place few years ago and I was seriously considering to kill myself. It was around the time the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why came out. There is a scene in it when Hannah’s parents find her dead body and it opened my eyes. I imagined my Dad finding my body and I realised I could never put him through that. I’m […]

It’s like an itch in my mind. Something that refuses to go away. It’s been little more than a week since I have decided to finally give up. To finally stop bothering her and just let her be. To stop torturing myself and hoping that she cares about me. She doesn’t need me. She has friends and other things going on. She doesn’t care. I repeat these things in my head over and over and over again, but it’s still itchy. Lately I just go to sleep if I have nothing to do. Then I […]