I’m sick and tired of never being ‘that person’. I’m always the ‘extra’, the girl there, the invisible one, the girl that came with someone, the un-existing.  I hate myself for that, but I can’t show me as I am with everybody… I believe I’m too weird. I guess it must be that because everybody says that I’m hard to talk to. That I don’t think like everybody, that I’m weird. An outsider. I want someone to care. I want someone to come over and say hey! let’s talk; instead of: Is she your friend? Can you help me with her? I fucking hate my […]

When they fought, I chose not to fight.
When they cried, I thought there is respite.
When they loved the wealthy and the wise,
I knew there is a reason for some being otherwise.

Amidst, the squibbles and squabbles of life,
My candid nature kept me alight.

But then came doubt, I did my self.
I did my nature, I did my health.
I doubted everything I felt.
And on I went to change my self.

I tried to turn the course of the stream,
Not knowing I was only killing a dream
Of little joys and profound realm,
On I went on broken whelm.

I had walked too […]

I think suicide is just about the only thing I think about anymore. I doubt if I will commit any time soon as I want to record some of my thoughts to leave behind so my family knows whats been going on right in front of them. The reality for me now is that someday I will die by my own hand and nothing can change that. I don’t even have a story, all I am is a middle-class white teen with too much time on his hands. *sigh* Heading off to work, so I can think about suicide while people around me think about […]

Since many years,the world had been control by a group of elite families,their objective?complete control of the world,introduce a fascism way more worse than the past one.thousands of cameras in the cities,,new 2014 chips inserted in kids to ensure their security,television and football to take away the atention from the real problems..The most powerfull families cleaning the path for the arrival of the antichrist,he will come in form of hero,intelectual and you know God.The majority of the people would believe in him,if you dont you would be persecuted and isolated ,they will call you insane.When every single one is […]

I can’t open my eyes. All innocence is gone. I am already dead.

Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.

Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out […]

—-it means man is wolf to man

Just look back our past- world war 1, world war 2, lots of people and their shitty things

I hate humans and I feel pity on me because I born on this planet.

I should have born in very early stages of human race, the game would have changed.

If I suicide, it is only because I don’t like the way human race evolved and the direction it is heading.

I think I’ve come to terms with suicide. I know that it will be the way I die, but not the method. I do know that I want to buy a nice big leather and metal Grimiore to write down all my thoughts, I suppose like a journal. Then when the time comes I won’t need to write a note, I can just clutch my grimiore on the way out. I see suicide as a perfect way to die, surely some call those who have succeeded in their suicide attempts cowards though they are not. I know the immense courage that it would take to […]

Okay first post so I guess I just can vent here and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m now a senior in high school and this is pretty much going to say everything about me. I’ve never really had friends growing up and it’s hard for me to socialize. As a kid I was just loud and annoying, along with being weird fat and ugly. But I was a happy kid, even without real friends. Middle school is when it starting going downhill. I started going online more and more and discovered online chat rooms where of course there’s a billion pedophiles looking for […]

I don’t know how to feel about myself right now. I have been doing so many wrong things, just so I don’t feel bad. Just so at the end I feel worse. Too many parties, to many guys… Not so much shots. I feel so lost.

My family doesn’t know that I’m gay. In fact, they think I’m straight. Sometimes it seems like they try to push sexuality on me. It’s weird. They say that I should get a girlfriend, get married, have kids, and all that shit. I tell my parents that I don’t want to get married or have children and they don’t believe me. They think that just one day, I’ll meet the right girl.

To be honest I’ve never been kissed, held hands with, or hugged someone romantically. In fact, I try to avoid touching people. Relationships seem so foreign to me. I see a lot of people […]

I hate my life. I’m so depressed.. It all started about a year ago. There was this guy I had liked for a while and we finally started talking. The first few weeks, everything was great. We texted just about everyday. Exchanged the finest words. Things were perfect. Then suddenly one day it’s like he just forgot about me. He started tweeting about this other girl and it made me feel invisible. Once him and her stopped talking, we started again. Then another girl came into the picture. I hated seeing them flirt at school. Anyways, he’d flip flop back and forth between her and […]

Only 17 years old and I have so much to say and I would never be able to remember it all to write it down at once. I don’t understand the purpose of our species, we are reckless and materialistic. The closest people to me don’t even know that I think of suicide nearly every night, I go to work and wonder if the people I work with can even sense that I hate life. I’ve been thinking about it for years, and i remember being younger and trying to hold my breath until I died underwater but obviously that doesn’t work. I’ve pondered the […]

I hate school, its one of the worst places. The people in my high school are idiots, they’re oblivious. Then again I’m too afraid to talk to others. I don’t mind learning but when I have to sit in rooms with people around me that don’t even see passed to door of the classroom, with lives so shallow my foot wouldn’t even be covered if I stepped in. It disgusts me, I find learning very easy, which is unfortunate because it just gives me more time to sit and think as if I don’t do it enough at home. I feel like a shell and […]

I have always speculated the meaning of my existence, but to no avail. I do not believe that anything has a purpose. There is actions and reactions but the universe has no motifs. Thus I find myself believing there is no reason to live. I don’t think many people talk openly about things like this but I wonder if and I the only one that does. Some people kill themselves from depression or other emotions, but for me its just a rational philosophical view that I do not need to exist. I need some enlightening, 17 is too young to be thinking like this.

Can’t believe I’ve myself again here. With a new face, a new body, a new name… a new me. Still the same old s* happens. It’s been years since the last time I was here. Can’t believe I’m actually back to be honest. I’ve been trying to avoid my reality, to not overthink it and I just realize that all I did was cheating myself. I’m broken again. I’m empty… again. And all I can think of is disappearing… I just want to be in peace. Am I ever going to get it?

How did i find this website? umh yes i was looking up overdose options. idk i’m at the point of my life that even though im so young i’m kinda ready to throw in the towel, i’m pregnant and i’m being forced to have an abortion, i dont want to cus its just horrible, but it that happens i rather just go with the baby too. maybe im over reacting im not sure but i feel too depressed.

Is it wrong, should I push through this and give my baby a chance at life even though he wont ever know his real mommy? Baby isnt viable yet not that it makes me feel any better…I just cant last through the rest of my pregnancy.

Every day is harder to live..I already have everything ready for me to go..the dad couldnt care less about me, but claims to want the baby even though initially he told me to abort it. I cant leave the baby alone with him when Im gone, hes an addict and his new girlfriend hates me and will hate my […]