I just want help or maybe to stop living or run away from everything. I’m at university and I have friends but I’ve lied and cheated to everyone and haven’t lived up to my parents reputations or expectations. I want to be alone away from everything. I think about killing myself but more than anything I want my guilt and sadness to stop. I feel awful and horrible for the way I’ve acted but I can’t go back on my actions. Apologizing to people 4-6 months after the fact doesn’t solve anything. I feel horrible. I just want to be done with everything. I can’t […]

I wonder what would happen if I just said goodbye. If I just went away…I haven’t been happy since daddy passed away. He was the only one that made me feel loved….How do I get better? How do I release? My wrist craves the nick of a razor but I just can’t give in.

17 year old girl kills herself
How does that sound?
She traveled to Haiti, helped build a school, was part of the soccer team, contributed more than 200 hours of service to her community.
Does that make my life anymore valuable than the next victim?
What about being disrespectful, to my parents, my sister, myself
Do I deserve death now?

Every time I feel down an depressed I tell myself I don’t have he right to, there are so many people in worse conditions with a smile on their face and here I am complaining
I don’t deserve not have the right to feel sad
I […]

It just hit me when I was reading one of the posts. Remembered this speech by Samwais Gamgee to Frodo in
Lotr: The Two Towers. Now that if something probably touches everyone in at least some way. A new day will come.

Frodo: I can’t do this Sam

Sam: I know
It’s All Wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.

It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the […]

Death Is Only Selfish to the Living

I find no join in life, no hope for the future.  Loneliness is all I’ve ever known.  I don’t know who I am, I live vicariously through others as if I’d made a conscious decision to die within myself.  My soul is weary and my flesh is weak.  The odds have never been in my favor.  The thought of living another day pains me.  Death seems so peaceful.

I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just ramble.

For the past two weeks the only thing that has been on my mind is putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.

Three years ago I would have said that there may still be hope for me. Five years ago I would have said that suicide is a cowards way out. But now, I see it a bit differently.

Now, I see just how much strength it takes to abandon whatever it is that convinced you to stay for so long and enter permanently the into the unknown. I understand that it isn’t a way […]

Well, where to begin. I’m new to this whole thing. I figured, why not express how I to a bunch of people I don’t know? So, here goes it.

Im 16, no I’m not perfect,  no I don’t have the worst lifestyle a human could have, but it could definitely be a hell of a lot better. I am now a sophomore in high school, and if anybody told you that high school was easy, they’re lying to you. Quit while you have the chance.

I have been bullied since the fourth grade. Crazy right? Who knew that girls could be so mean. I was always quiet, […]

Nothing can make me stop thinking about killing myself. I went to the hospital and thought I was better but every time I take my anti depressants or any type of medicine I feel such an urge to take the whole bottle. Anytime I’m driving I think about crashing the car. Anytime I’m on a tall building I think of jumping off. I watch cop shows on TV and wonder how great it would be to be one of those dead bodies. Even when I’m not in a bad/sad mood I think about it all the time. Help. Please.

Well, been with this girl for the past 4 years. The most amazing girl, did everything she can to me, gave me all the love that she could. Everything was perfect.. A few months ago though, I got bored, and ended up cheating, and told her. The girl I cheated with had gotten pregnant.. Of course, my gf left me. Told me if she knew it wasn’t mine then maybe we could work through it. Well that was 2 weeks ago, I get a call this morning saying the baby didn’t make it. So I called her and she said “well that was last week, […]

I’m just simply worthless. my only escape from life is sleep. if only I could choose to never wake up.

I have been back home to my country to attend my niece’s wedding, it was beautiful event, but it made realize how so alone I am and I have nobody to say all this to as my family doesn’t know that I am ill with my mental health and that I have been suicidal for last for months and that I had made 7 unsucessful atttempts at ending it all and was twice in psych hospital to stop me killing myself as on those two ocassions I would have not survived if they hadn’t stopped me.

In my visit to my country, my friend told me […]

Several years ago, I made a pact with myself that I would hold on for the sake of people who had cared enough to get me out of a bad situation. I told myself to focus on school, and that by the time I graduated, I may have started wanting to live again. The issue is, I’m looking at finishing soon, and I was with these people today. I know no matter what happens I will never completely regain my what’s left of my mind, and I tried to prevent hurting the few people I care about, but I just got the feeling, not for […]

I’m the dying guru guy. A skeleton would have been more exquisite.
A leaf blunt in my mouth. These rotting depths, Seraphim pray for me.
I have never done wrong. In the art of dying. Can you be a next door.
In my labyrinth. Brone, drive me … a little to the east. Set up camp in the land.
I can find a way. This can be, our ground zero. I’m the rotting celibacy dude.
Be a man. And come see me. I’m the dying guru dude.
Be the dude, and come see me.
Haha.

First, we need to crack my egg back to life. There’s […]

There is this guy.. We’ve been seeing eachother for a month or two now. Initially we agreed to just be fuck buddies, but feelings got in the way and it’s all a mess now. He’s 24 and i’m 17.. We spend all the time we can together.. We kiss, cuddle, text the whole time and basically act like we’re going out.. We stopped sleeping with other people bexauze we really like eachother.. He’s amazing and perfect in every single way!! But he told me that he doesn’t want a relationship because of the age difference which breaks my heart, but I understand where he is […]

I can’t rest, my mind in total chaos. My emotions are doing what they do best, running a muck through my veins flowing to my heart choking me with every thought. I am lost unable to process my thoughts. My voice is gone, I’m choking am I alive? My thoughts wrapped around my throat. As my thoughts continue to flow, the choking keeps growing. My heart beat it’s slowing, my body emotionally dying….

It’s been a long time since I posted on here, but I feel like today is a good time to do so. This post might skip and go back in an non-linear fashion, but that’s just me. A few weeks ago, I quit my job when they were giving me a warning for screwing up. The day I quit, I kind of gave up on life once again.  When I went to my therapist, who is in my top ten people I adore and respect, I lied to him. I stated that I was okay and that I was going to go forward. I had […]

So I started to become chronically depressed which only worsened as I aged. I believe it started when I was 8. Parents are selfish with terrible emotional and self esteem issues who should never have had the right to conceive. To summarize; Mom is a few wire-crosses short of self-combustion. Ego driven, superficial maniac that is incredibly angry and would just scream, scream, scream 24 hours a day. In any other previous time period she would have been taken out back behind the barn and put out of her misery like a rabid dog. Dad has some self-esteem issues, and would basically put me down […]

my soul is broken. I’m so lost. The voices inside my head won’t rest. My tears shed like rain. The storm is wild and cannot be contained. My heart is full of so much pain. I want it all to end. My life is worthless, I am worthless. God why did you create me? Why am I here? Everyday I hope and pray to be taken from this world. 4 suicide attempts all failed. I can’t even kill myself right. My last wish is to leave this world in peace no pain. I’ve had enough, I’m choking on my thoughts. I am lost!!! Help someone […]