i need to die …

Cant let it win. Get it together…come on you fuck, I can do this

oh God this is so draining

Hi all,

this is a guy who is alive only because he’s not got the courage to commit suicide so far.

You may say I’m a weak person only to have such a thought in my head, but I’m sure even if I tell you the story you’ll not understand it, but know it.

I’m 19 now, freshman in college. I have let go of my studies for months now though I used to be one of the bests back in school.

I have always been lonely in my life, even during the short periods that others thought I was not anymore, I felt that loneliness inside me. I […]

Most of us are here because we feel so shit we want to kill ourselves.  So I want to tell my story..

I had been crying non stop every day for about 4 months. I would go to college, cry, go gome, cry, cry myself to sleep.. it was a never ending cycle of me crying. Till one day during my lunch break at college I decided I had, had enough. I got lots of differdnt friends to go to shops and buy me tablets  (I couldn’t because I was too young) Anyway, I , anahed to get a fair amount of tablets, since more than […]

Ahhhhhha, I don’t know what to say , basically I’m screwd up as hell.
It just seems to be over , I’m done with all of the shit I’m facing.
Abailtity to feel I’ve lost it , I don’t how to feel or what to feel Im just tired of myself nd I’m tired of this shit. It makes me sick.
I know this all shit I’m writing , makes really no sense.
Starting with my parents. I’m a child of divorced parents nd that sucks , I’m sick of dealing with the shit ur parents are giving u!!! Like Man my mom doesn’t wanna […]

So, I’ve been depressed for about 2 years when my ex broke up with me. It wasn’t like that at first; I gradually became depressed.

Anyhow, she was my first girlfriend at the age of (me) 23, and (her) 18.

Unable to move past her, despite trying, I tried to suffocate my self with a plastic grocery bag and a couple of rubberbands over my head and neck, respectfully. First time I panicked within three minutes; second time my skin started to tingle in the hands and feet.

I had left my ex a little deathnote, asked her not to stop me, and ended up stopping myself twice. […]

hitting out of a leaf spiff.
the music cycles through the zodiac.
it seems at the end, we have lost.
only me. staring at the cat.
the bunny bit me, and I bled.

the purple sky turns the water red.
devil shines through the mind.
what is your color of black.
on to the next tract. what will be.
in the hands of faith.

the moon and the night.
in darkness. the story of the lost knight.
death. a horsemen.
seems like we hold a chain, all of us.
exiled from the mystical realm.

i am losing.

Here’s a great chillout piece for everyone. Enjoy, have a drink and relax. 🙂

Check out the video text:

With every sunrise, another day of our lives, begins

With every sunset, another day, is lost

Life is short, so every once in while

Break the rules; Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

Growing old is compulsory, but growing up isn’t

Life might not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here

Let’s dance.

How did it feel to come so close? To walk the line between life and death.

Were you relieved?
Was there a “light” rushing towards you?
How long were you drifting for, and what did the drifting feel like?
Is the experience of leaving worth the pain – was there pain, torment?
What was on your mind?

I’ve heard more than anything that one feels an crushing sense of regret upon passing the point of no return.

Finally, what was it like to wake up afterward? Was there frustration? Self-pity? Rejection? Do you feel differently now than you did before?

What has life become for you?

Stay the fuck away from me

Go just go. Just leave before you get hurt too.

Down down down down down and dark.

Subtly and rapidly losing it. This plan…it seems so beautiful in a sickening way.

Oh God what’s happening to me…….

tick tock tick tock

I posted last week about repeatedly falling out of bed a few days earlier and ending up in the E.R. with respiratory failure from some type of  Pneumonia. Fucked as my luck runs a few days later I was released to home care and cleared to go back to work.  Of course I am far weaker than before the incident and my usual level of physical pain is now at least twice as intense as it was before.

I could barely do my job as it was. It takes me nearly two hours to get out of bed and dress for work – God only knows […]

Recovery is horrible….. I managed to get myself trapped in a downward spiral towards hell. During this spiral, I let myself become a monster, a monster who found relief in a razor and comfort in rushing blood, more than human contact. My cravings are a battle. Everywhere I look I see failure and relapse, sharp edges and broken skin…. I find myself thinking back to the nights I would stain my hands crimson and tear my soul apart, piece by piece. Sometimes I catch myself running my hands over the bands of purple covering my thighs and arms, remembering exactly how it felt to […]

I ruined a friendship with one of my best friends because of work stress and now all I can think about is that I am a huge fuckup and want to die. I don’t even care about the job. I care about my friend. Why do I always get angry and push people away like this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It all seems so illogical and distant now.

I can’t ever be happy ever in my life I really just want to kill myself already

“suicide doesn’t kill people, sadness does”

I don’t know if  anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have.  My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be.  It over-analyzes things.  It makes mountains out of molehills.  When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day,  I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course.  My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]

You think it’s fucking bluff? I won’t do it? Ok, yeah, we’ll see about that.

People will run the minute you hope they’ll talk you down from something…but I guess not.

Fuck them. It isn’t selfish, especially if you deserve it. Motherfuckers. So mad my cheeks burn. Goddamn I want to just punch everything right now.

I want love but I don’t know how to obtain it. I had a boyfriend for 2 years…I just feel so lost now. It’s been long enough to move on…he’s moved on. I just don’t know how to anymore.

Theme song from a show called Madventures.

Wish I could have seen the world even a 1 percent of what these guys have – and lived my life to the fullest while I still had the time. Really have to give a salute to Riku and Tunna. 🙂 Love the show, and it had for a few years kept me hoping to be in their shoes; exploring places, seeing other cultures and people – but no more.

The best travelling documentary program in the world by far – Finnish, but at least 3th season spoken in English – distributed all over the world though.

Theme song gets me […]

Hello. I may seem like your average 13 almost 14 year old. But i’m not. I’m so disgusting. I have scars all over my body. I’ve been bullied for almost 9 years. People hate me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. I’ve been hospitalized 4 times. I’ve had 31 suicide attempts. I’m just done. I can’t do this anymore. I know eventually I’m going to end my life. I just know it.

So I think the one thing I am proudest of is how much of a geek i am (LARP D&D video games etc…) heres the thing i havnt had the time to attend any of my games lately because of real life responsibilities

To get a feeling for me as a person im 25 i live with a super good looking girl who i somehow convinced to date me a few years ago and i just started a great job that is allowing me to get out of the factories ive worked in since i was 17… but because I dont have time to go to […]