I am a 16yr old guy and I feel like I want to die, go crawl into a hole and rot, I have been thinking a lot about this since I was young I have always been a outcast simply because I was different or specifically strange. (I know how this must be starting to sound like a woe is me kind of story but that’s not what I am trying to do.) I cant feel sadness any more and I physically cant cry even at family,that I liked, funerals I feel nothing almost empty. I am rather chubby but not too much, my grades […]

Has it really been a year? i sit here in remembrance of all that had occurred in one single solitary year. It goes back even farther than that though. 20 years since i was born, 5 years since i had escaped, 5 years since i became trapped, 4 years since i had lived, 1 year since i escaped. 1 year since i became free to live and die in my own way.

Time.

Time is so much more than the essence of numbers. It holds so much more meaning than that itself. Time heals all, time wounds all, time drives one mad, and […]

last night at 4 am i wake up -without any feeling of the usual painful anxious or guilt in my heart ..i had just the usual insane thoughts on my head but without any related feelings nothing special has happened yesterday ,my big problem still there ,and i was not drunk … maybe cause i almost have the exit way in my hand.. anyway it is nice losing the connection between my thoughts andy feelings

Even if you are sadder than the saddest person on earth aim for suicide, at least you may  end-up being depressed

Please report if inappropriate…just thinking I need to open up about some things, maybe it’s time I let things out…

It’s strange how things occur…and how dangerous a unstable state of mind can be.  A lot of times, it happens in a split second…no elaborate plans…no thoughts of consequence or pain inflicted on others…

Once…very accidentally, and something I have regretted (morbid as it might seem), driving on the highway…innocently minding my own business, a car heading in the opposite direction got side-swiped, jumped the median barrier and landed right in front of me…  I still regret swerving out (purely out of instinct)…not only because it would […]

Just read a highly inspiring post called “Why are you still here?”. That is a great question, why are we (hurt, abused, heart broken, destroyed, ready to give up on life) still here? Everyone has a reason, everyone has a PURPOSE. It took a lot for me to find that out. I’m pretty depressed right now, it has actually gotten worst as this new year came in, nothing has gone right everything is turning for the worst. Dreams, memories, everyday experiences all going wrong. Came on here to read over my posts to see how far I’ve gotten, but that one post caught my eye […]

It is not okay to kill yourself. It is mean, it is selfish, it is disgusting. My bother was my best friend in the whole world. He was my go to guy for everything. He was strong, he was beautiful, and he was horribly selfish. He took his own life and left me here to try to live without him. It was too mean, too horrible, too awful for me to wrap my head around it. My mother can not stand to get out of bed, my dad had to cut his baby down when he found him hanging in the basement. My brother is […]

It seems that there is a great deal of romanticising of depression going around on the internet (I’m looking at you tumblr), films, books and even music, or I’m just being hyper sensitive and looking to support my hypothesis either way. I do this pathetic thing when I’m depressed where I seek out such horrendous works of publications that romanticise depression. I’ve come across brilliant works that provide a more accurate portrayal, I like those ones, if you’ve got any suggestions shout them out. I feel really angry when I come across these things, and I kinda want to punch whoever created them.

Things that are […]

Maybe I’m not meant to find love or know that kind of happiness.

What is keeping you on this planet we call Earth?

For me, it’s my parents, mainly my mum. They’d be devastated if I ever killed myself.

So here I still am; waiting, hoping, wishing, that things will get better.

so many things
swirling in my head
so many questions
wondering in my head
so many thoughts
drifting in my head
so many secrets
locked up in my head
so many feelings
caged inside in my head
so many wishes
wanting to be real in my head
so many things imagined
wishing to be realistic in my head
so many things
in my head

Hi Guys,

I guess my life is getting too boring to keep writing these things… So sorry… I might not continue this… I don’t know… So… Might not continue with this… Sorry.

Normal day routine.. Get up and stuff. Except one of my friends and I got into this little mini fight about my weight and I just don’t know. I mean I just don’t know guys… I just… I’ve never liked how I looked. I never loved what my body shape was. And now I’m expected to suddenly love it? And I just don’t know guys…

And ugh. One of my friends just keep threatening me […]

I like sleep a lot! What 16 year old doesn’t. I just have been having trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep. It is killing me everyday because even getting out of bed is becoming exhausting. I am so stressed out and beginning to start giving up. I just want to be able to sleep. It’s slowly killing me inside.

Forgive me for not seeing your view of the abnormal fantasy.

Surrounded by walking feelings, of carefree and feel good sentiments.

Unaware of reality, not knowing how to live in the “now”.

Those tormenting thoughts, echoing the same questions to you, “why..”, and “how?”

Oh forgive me for what I have done…

forgive me for carelessly hurting you..

forgive me, for forcing a new life onto you..

for wanting to prepare you for the true pains of life..

I wanted to release your beauty, in it’s true form, but failed to realize on time, that it just can’t be.

Never again, will those pains bother you.

Never again will the dreams of pure hearts be […]

I am generally a pretty happy person. But when I am sad, I realize that my whole life feels like it is just full of sadness and pain. I wonder to myself…is that really the way my life is going to be forever? I look back and all I can think is that I am always unhappy. I go around and I generally do a pretty good job of putting a smile on my face and creating an idea in my head that I am happy. But I feel that there is always pain surrounding me. Its terrible, some days I think most days I […]

i guess im just looking for opinions

everytime after i watch porn, i feel terrible. i feel like a piece of shit. ive promised my friend (who has the same issue) that i wouldnt do it again, but i keep doing it. i dont think its an addiction because i only do it about once a month, and i dont find myself craving it. its just that, in the moment… i cant really stop myself (or dont want to). im not very religious, so im not sure why im having such a negative reaction. does anyone know why, or have any advice on how to quit, […]

Hi.

The worst part about being on the receiving end of pain, is that sometimes yer smart enough to notice why. Sometimes that makes it better, because you notice reluctance, guilt, sadness. Other times you notice self-indignat anger, disgust, fury, & and a little hatred.

But mostly, one can’t help but notice that people don’ think they’re hurtin’ ya. Actually, they don’t even look at ya. That’s the worst kind. The frigid silence that makes one feel small, the eyes that will not notice, and the title-looking. That’s what I hate most. We all have titles. They float over our heads, self-given, peer-given, mentor-given, lovingly given. But […]

I don’t know, I’m bored. I slept all day. I have nothing to do. So I guess I’ll tell you my story. I’ve been cutting for 4 years now, it started out as something small. Just one cut, then two cuts, and then before I knew it I was cutting all the way up my arm and on my legs and thighs and my stomach. It’s now an addiction. Wether I’m feeling shitty or not. I need to cut. I want to cut. But I’ve tried suicide multiple times, I’ve chickened out a couple times, I’ve failed a couple times. But I woke up one […]

I accidently texted my mom “my parents haven’t said a fucking word to me” that was supposed to go to my best friend. Now I’m locked in my room. Terrified to leave the safe place. Thinking about running away, driving away if I can get passed my parents, thinking about cutting, overdosing. Anything! I want to get out of this fucking place! I want to leave these bitches now! After next year I’m done with this shit! I’m going to live with my best friend. I am so fucking done!!!!