For a while now, I have seriously been considering suicide. I am not bullied or anything, I just feel like I don’t belong here. I don’t think anyone would miss me and I am better off dead. I don’t see a point in living anymore. No one loves me, how could they? I want so bad to be happy, but I just can’t. I still can’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t just end it all. I have considered many ways, from choking myself, starving myself, cutting myself, overdosing on pills, and even stabbing myself. I just can’t do it anymore. Everyday I can […]

I feel so goddamn helpless and hopeless. anxiety, paranoia, apprehension, guilt, fear and pain are my companionship, they seem to never leave my side.

As far as I can remember, the happiest time in my life was kindergarden, I was carefree and enjoyed life, when grade school started the world around me got colder, and gradually, things got worse and worse….. people, other human beings, are the root of my misery. Instead of being the popular kid in kinder garden, I started grade school and had no friends, other kids often treats me with as insignificant. I was socially isolated and had very few friends. other […]

I’m wanting my pills again. I know where I can get some too… I’m craving them. Badly. I obviously haven’t and won’t stop cutting. I just I don’t know. I know it’s not good but I ant them so bad.

Look at the tree and choose the one that is immediately most appealing to you.

Pick your tree before you look at the results!

Don’t think about it too long, just choose, and find out what your choice says about your personality, please have FUN and share your choice in the comments below…

The results!

You are a generous and moral (not to confuse with moralizing) person. You always work on self-improvement. You are very ambitious and have very high standards. People might think that communicating with you is […]

Hi Guys,

How are you? How’s your life? How is your day? Don’t forget to comment down below how you are! I do want to know!

NOTE: Really sorry for this being a long post… I didn’t really try to… Writing is the only way I can get my feelings out.

How am I? Does it even matter how I am? Does it matter? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. How am I? Physically? Sore. Bruised. Hurt. Scarred. Mentally? Broken. In Pain. Hurt. Scared.

My physical state… I keep getting headaches… Waking up this morning I hit my head on my wall and it hurt like crazy, but […]

Damnit. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let myself hope and think that it’s going to be ok? How do other people handle it? How do they just move on from people, how do they keep breathing and living and laughing? I need serious help, because it’s clear that I’m not getting better. And I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

I’m just completely lost. I don’t know if I should end it already. I’ve been put through so much bullshit that I’m completely fed up. I was molested by my dad’s friend which my dad doesn’t know about because I was young and scared that he’d do something to my family cause he claimed he will if I ever told. I still haven’t said anything and it’s been years. I’ve also be bullied by everyone. Even my own family. I’ve always been really into sports and I’m a girl so my parents, sisters, and brother would always call me a boy because of it. Also, […]

So I started my first day at work experience today. And I can already tick off things I have already done to humiliate myself.  And yes, I timed each thing and wrote it down in a journal.

9:12am: I started to think they were watching me with all these hidden cameras and shit (I think this all the time, I even think there are hidden cameras in my house so people can spy on me).

9:35am: I had a panic attack because someone asked me where hamster food was.

9:52am: I had another panic attack because someone asked about collar […]

anyone left here from ireland?

I am so tired of fighting…  Fighting against the pain, fighting against these stupid thoughts and insecurities.  I am tired of having to justify why I am not able to do things in allotted time due to my physical difficulties…  If I don’t mean anything, why do I exist…  Can’t I just go to sleep and never wake up again…

For the last few years I didn’t see the point in filing taxes  if I was just going to kill myself. I doubt the IRS sends agents into the afterlife to collect on delinquent accounts.

Since I never did get around to killing myself, I went ahead and dropped off three years worth of income tax info with a local CPA today.  I’ll get caught up with the govt.  and hopefully get a large enough refund to take an Ayuhuasca adventure I’ve been planning for awhile now. Ayahuasca is a powerful hallucinogenic compound which originated in the Amazon rainforest. I can’t think of any better way to […]

When I said I think about suicide she was pretty baffled, but whatever, I wouldn’t think I was suicidal myself if I didn’t know better. So we talked about it and she told me several options, visiting a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or staying at a clinic for several weeks. I am not sure yet which one I am going to choose, but I have plenty of time till the next meeting.

One thing that bothered me though was this: I didn’t know how to tell her about my suicidal thoughts so I just said I was member of an online-forum … a suicide forum. She wasn’t […]

I’m supposed to be in the work where I am at practical training right now but I just couldn’t go there, I’m sitting here, crying and sobbing and I feel like I can’t breath. I think I can’t go there today but I don’t know what to say to my teacher and those people in the work, I feel ashemed of myself and I feel like Im good for nothing and I’m just i everyone’s way and causing troubles to them.

I don’t know I’m feeling that everyone thinks I’m just lazy but I really just can’t do those things that normal people can, and it […]

I thought I once knew who or what you are. I am not stupid; I can see the wondrous universe and all of its beautiful order and structure and I know this did not happen by chance. But all I know of you now is the pain you think I and others need. I awaken every day with my addictions to something better and my burning desire to leave my broken body and relieve the searing burn of my broken spirit. I am through begging a higher power for delivery. I am done feeling the compulsion to dig an artery out of one of my […]

I want to die. I really want to die, because I can’t take anymore of this hell. I’m a sophomore in high school, and barely hanging on. Parents hate me, telling me that theyve been trying to tell me they’re doing things for me. How can I believe that when they get pissed off at everything I do that they hate, whether it be major or trivial, and tell me to lie for their benefit? And I get beaten for it, no matter what I do. All I ask is for peace, yet no matter how much I try to get good grades, I can’t. […]

bullies in the army. Some shitbags making fun of Abagis for being gay, he was accepted by us back at basic training. For him to slit his wrists and be chaptered out for his suicide attempts. I want to hurt those bastards for that yet i take no action against my bullies on the homefront in the army. I should just fight back full fledged (starts out with shit talking then gets physical and i punch back and they kick harder and suddenly theyre beating on me in formations. I guess i should be the one beating on them. The. It’ll be fights behind closed […]

I live a life that’s not really mine. My mother has been emotionally and physically abusing me since I was a young girl. My father left when I was only seven years old, and lives with his fancy girlfriend. He doesn’t care what happens in my life. I acheive high grades, I have friends, and I seem like a normal girl externally. Internally, I am forever suppressing an intense desire to put an end to my life. I only find comfort in dance, music, poetry, and for some strange reason, science. However, I dread every moment I spend at home with my mother. I live […]

I kinda got lucky a few days ago. This being said, I’m now the first blind wrestler in my state that has made it to the state tournament. And a pin, to show it.

Who knows, maybe some girl will magically fall in love with me.

I’ve been coping since the middle of December.  I just can’t get past everything that has happened.

I was sexually abused from age 9-12 by my father’s half-brother.  At 18, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder, for which I was in a state psychiatric facility.  While I was a patient there, I was on a pass (meaning I could leave the hospital premises, which that time I was for a week).  On the last full day, I was raped by someone who I knew and was a childhood friend.  I refuse to tell my family about the rape because they […]

Hi Guys,

How are you? Again sorry its so late… Well it’s really not that late… Only not really… It’s 9 here…. Soo yeah…

How am I? Does it matter? Does it matter how I am? Does it matter what I am feeling? No it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Only you matter. I don’t. So yeah…. Um yeah…

Here’s a monologue thingie:

I have it planned out. I wouldn’t say goodbye. I wouldn’t tell you. It’d be a surprise. You would think I am fine. Because I am. To you I am fine. To you I am doing just great. To you I am perfectly […]