So not super long ago I got the first boyfriend of my life, and I mean FIRST, I’m 20 years old, and dating has never been a priority for me, I’ve never had depression despite everything that’s happened to me.
I was molested as a child and sent into foster care where I was abused, then when my parents got me back I was abused even more, my dad is a drug addict and my mom is verbally abusive, the physical abuse with my parents didn’t start until my sister moved out.
I’ve always just been focused on being […]
I had visual and tactile hallucinations before , but recently I noticed that drinking little coffee causing me to hallucinate so badly , I can know if I was hallucinating, but it became worse when I have both tactile and visual hallucination and I panic , and they look real , I also had headaches, I don’t use either drugs or alcohol or even nicotine, I eat healthy , I was wandering if there is some drugs in the coffee , because it is suspicious situation , waiting for a response.
Almost 9.5 years. Ha. My mental health has officially reached a low low.
Bull shit attempts. So many. In the 9 years. Now…im just tryna hide this void.
I run warm but lately im always freezing looking for anything to comfort me
I dont even care
I almost crash my car everytime i drive now and i dont even do it intentionally it just happens and instincts kick in and recorrect
I predicted the mass depression from the pandemic
Transitioning to work at home
I learned recently the free time that it […]
i wish i knew how to explain it but i have no idea where to start. it just doesnt feel real
But I truly find this video comforting… it’s been a while since it was something I often had the pleasure of hearing in the background. I still feel these feels, and I think this particular grouping of songs just grabs at me … pain/love/fear/anger/sadness (the awful clenching sadness); worry…. Worry worry worry.
hardcore confusion.
DOUBT
beauty.
understanding?
excuse me while I fly away by the seat of my pants.
I don’t know if I’m enough.
I don’t know what I deserve, but I think most people around me deserve better. I am hurting, and I think most people are in some way
sometimes it’s all too real
you know?
I used to be a nihilist (and even still somewhat do sometimes, when necessary or required to be). But as the time goes by, and I get much older now (I’m almost 40), and seeing the reality of our world, society, life, & existence, I’ve now turned into a pessimist (not just a simple pessimist, but more into philosophical pessimism, you can google & look it up if you want).
Nowadays lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of people mostly got into what’s called an “Optimistic Nihilism”. But I strongly disagree. And here is my main argument:
Unless if you’re lucky or fortunate, […]
I find myself planning my death every week or two. Each one more comforting than the last, there’s but a single reason keeping me from carrying these plans out. I do love my wife, more than anything I want to spend my days with her, doing nothing at all, and yet I still find myself alone and struggling to find pleasure in life. Not because i have no one, everyone in my life are very open with each other and i do believe my wife and I understand each other to the core.
But every day, i fantasize about her death. For no […]
I feel so desperate for a way out I don’t know what else I can do I’ve put up with more than I can handle I never wanted to be engaged again or be a mom then I was excited and happy until everything keeps happening I resent him the past wrongs he’s done keep coming up with the new even tiny things and it’s piling on I love my daughter but it’s all too much sometimes I just don’t know how much more I can take she is the only reason I haven’t tried anything but im starting to feel it’s my only way […]
If you need a friend and have nobody, follow me on IG and we can be each others friend. I’m lonely and been in a dark place. I’m losing so many friends.
*I accept all follow requests, just DM me after so I know this website is the reason for the add*
riley_with_a_d
:: Relief? Or Fata Morgana ::
Disclaimer; I’ve been told that my writing is overly complex, and frustrating to read. Thus, if these things are a problem for you, press the back button on your browser and spare yourself the horror of my mad philosophic ramblings. Else, let’s go.
My life is dominated by waiting. As in, it used to be just a few things, now it is quite a lot. At the moment I’m unemployed, feeling a little frustrated about finances, but I have stuff to do. The point, I think, is that I step back, stop needing my life to follow my plan. Go with […]
Somewhere out in the universe I’m a TV show. Nobody wishes to be me, and everyone enjoys laughing instead.
My life is all a joke. Tell me it’s not cosmic, divine intervention that made me a kid who hates affection, just to make me a stupid, unhuggable fuck of an adult that’s born on fucking Valentine’s Day.
Tell me it wasn’t all part of the plan to make my dad charming and wildly successful, all while my stupid ugly ass is drowning and trying to read up on how to swim.
Tell me that my existence, the constant struggle to find […]
Idk how to flip my pic but whatever. Just feelin myself now that im working again. 3rd shift is rough but im good at it once im back into the swing of things. My therapist keeps trippin out about my already existing sleeping problem. Im like i barely sleep at nite anyways, i always take a nap durin the day anyways. So i had them stop my sleepin pills. Red bulls and naps are my life […]
Feeling utterly stupid and worthless, I’ve been with my fiancé for more than a year now and a few months ago I found out he had been lying to me for most of our relationship then found out he cheated on me with his ex wife first then after everything seemed to go back to normal and he was regaining my trust I found out he cheated on me with one of his oldest friends all while I was pregnant I’ve had our daughter now and everything was beyond great open communication trust was back just a few bad dreams here and there then I […]
normal people dont hear voices.
normal people dont see things that arent there.
normal people dont have self-inflicted scars on their wrist.
normal people dont destroy everything they touch.
being “different”, “unique”…
isnt always a good thing
i dont know how long i can take it i hope next week ill finally be motivated to go and not be spooked out this time
life is a cliff and ive spent most of it just hanging on and i think ill finally be able to get up then my fingers slip more and people care and want to help but i dont know how to help myself idk i cant keep living like this and i ruin everything i touch and make everyone disappointed or mad im not mentslly ill my life is fine nothings happened?? cant keep coping bc ppl are mad […]
it’s all just getting worse. it’s been a downhill spiral for so many years.
every single time i think something’s going to get better, even just a little bit, i’m slapped in the face and things get worse. it doesn’t matter if i hope a little or a lot for things to get better, or if it seems like there’s a way out – i try to take that way and i only fall further downhill.
i can’t afford to live. no one will hire me. i can’t do physical jobs because of my disability, i can’t handle college, i’m too mentally ill for most jobs, i’ve […]
I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die. Sometimes I picture myself running away from my life. All my responsibilites, from school, from home and all my friends. I wish I was invisible, i wish people wouldnt acknowledge me. I want to be here without actually having to be here. I want to live in a dream where I never have to wake up. Can anyone save me from this madness?
Day by day, time seems to be going unbearably slowly, but looking at the big picture, the years went by without me noticing.
I’ve turned 21 recently, and accomplished very little, almost nothing since I got out of high school and I feel a lot of shame about it, but not in a motivating way,
It’s impossible not to think how I will never be able to be the person I could have been because I’ve wasted my time.Or should I say that it’s been stolen away from me? I lost it? Being stuck in the past, I’ve been rewinding years of my life, and […]