The older I get, the harder it gets.  I used to have some drive.  I used to care…. now its just loneliness and mental torture.   I can’t understand why more people haven’t attempted suicide.    I don’t even trust my own laughter.   Its not real.  My smiles aren’t either.   I don’t even do drugs anymore.   They don’t work.   It’s hard to sleep.   Please if there is a god… let me die…

when you know that your going to be stuck in misery but then you think everything is alright when you get friends but it never is they are backstabbers and will hurt you wen you tell them your secrets and then you will never find out who is your real or fake friends whats the point in living when nothing good comes out of it!

I spend most of my time around corpses. I wear a long sleeve shirt during dissection, the only one in my class, hoping that no one will figure out that I’m hiding scars. Whenever I scrub into surgery, I can feel eyes on my exposed wrist, see the nurses, senior docs and anybody else, looking at them, wondering, and I think, judging. I wonder whether a patient will trust me if they saw me in scrubs, whether somewhere down the line, a department chair would second guess me, if/when they knew/know that I tried to kill myself.

I can live with all that. I tried to […]

I’ve been depressed and fantasizing about killing myself since childhood. My older brother was also depressed, though we didn’t realize just how much. He took his life roughly four months, nineteen days ago now. I miss my brother, but the rest of my immediate family has definitely taken it worse than I have. I don’t think I was as sad as a true brother ought to be at the time he died, and I feel like a disgusting person because of this. I still hope that my brother is at peace, although I’m not religious or spiritual.

My mom is very depressed now too, crying most […]

I made a post a post 3 days ago telling everyone in this site that I was gonna kill my self using the overdose method. I failed. Not only did I fail, but I missed work for 3 days and I got fired, how am I gonna pay my bills? I didn’t even go to the hospital, so I don’t really have any proof to show my boss. No one even questioned why I stayed home these 3 days, no one cared. Who could care anyways? I’m pretty much completely alone. Supposedly after a failed suicide attempt, your family and friends try to help you […]

I feel as though I am slowing turning into an emotionless person, and I’m not sure what to think about it. I hide behind a picture perfect mask until I am alone. I put a fake smile on my face and continue smiling throughout the day. If you saw me on the street, you’d think I have it all together, and that theres no possible way I could have depression or suicidal thoughts. I have learned to hide behind my fake mask, and to make sure it shows well.

Sometimes I think the mask is me, the girl who has it all together and […]

I drank the last sip of wine, and set the bottle down. My medicine was failing me, my loved ones had failed me, and lastly, I had failed myself. Tonight was the night, I told myself. I had no desire to stick around any longer. I had only caused myself misery, and made everyone else’s lives complete shit. I was a heavy weight on everyone’s shoulders, a boulder, weighing down until I was dropped so suddenly to the ground. I looked at the fireplace and closed my eyes. I could hear yelling and screaming inside my head, visions of violence played out over and over […]

You ever feel like one?

I miss you

my ear is pounding

my writing is numb

the music is not here

never here

if I went deaf today

i would be deaf tomorrow

you left today

your gone tomorrow

im still here

alone

deaf in the mind

layers of you

still so thin

the scent of your hair grease

the stain of your cigaret

marked in my memory

pages of your regrets

never read aloud

you no one

but I knew

I will always know

You

i miss you

When you think you know someone

but they don’t know you

it’s not what you want

the kind of thing

that’s not possible to hear

you don’t leave

you can’t stay

make up your mind

because I can’t find mine

do I want to?

typing the lyrics to the song in my ear

but it won’t stand still

to many words for the hand

stuck

i want to be stuck

no time

and

free

that can’t happen

I will start by saying I am confused, I’m a girl and I’m 12 years old. Until a couple weeks I lived in the country side with my father, my mother and him divorced when I was younger. I don’t have any siblings. I’m generally a happy child, wow I don’t think I’ve used the word happy in a while… 3 weeks ago my dad committed suicide. I was at school when I got pulled out of class. I don’t want to say how it happened it’s hard to think about. The problem is my life i was really close to my dad and I […]

I was fairly successful in my attempt.I am seeking help but I am not abandoning the cool people here who have been supportive in the way that made me feel comfort.

I don’t feel any better today than I did the day I did it but I am open to seeing what the immediate future holds… and I guess that’s the point.

Might be losing my job though. I’ll find out soon.

It’s not that I want to die- I just don’t want to suffer anymore.  :'(

My friend Sean died from an overdose 2 years ago. He was depressed. He would pop methadone leftover from his dads surgeries/cancer. I came over once and had some weed. He said I’ll give you some pills if you pack a bowl. I said sure. He gave me 10 pills for 5 bucks worth of weed. The pills he gave me go for 10 easy on the street which I found out after he died. I said are you sure? “Yeah yeah I got plenty he says. ” He gave me so many because that was his usual dose. He was popping 6 at a […]

Everything that happens is always my fault! I said one thing and i get screamed at for an hour, being told im a peice of shit.. Thanks Dad, love you too! Isn’t life already hard? I miss everything i had.. I miss my old dad.. but tonight was my last straw.. I’m done.. I want to break my promise soooo bad, and i think i might.. You are soo disrespectful, and mean to me. Yet you have NEVER yelled at my sister like this? How does that make me feel? LIke a terrible person. You blamed me for everything that happened 4 years ago. I […]

I have no feelings anymore. It’s like they all just went away. I catch myself acting the way people think i should react. I get mad here and there, but that pretty much it. Life sucks. 

I hate it when you tell someone your insecuritys, and they seem to take it as a challenge to meet them, and not disprove them, and somehow you turn into the bad person. Ah it seems that my new way of looking at the world is being sorely tested, i wish i was strongly standing against these tests. why is trying so bothersome.

This seems to be the song of my life.

I’m sick in my mental, terminal

Lost in my heart, where to start

There is no beginning, head is spinning

I feel reckless, I feel emptiness

I don’t want this to leave, I want to grieve

Break me, take me

Hate me, wait for me

Don’t leave, there’s more to achieve

This shit is fucked for days, months

I’m stuck in this haze

Where are you

Don’t tell me we’re through

Come get me, don’t forget me

Steal me from this hell, destroy my jail

Let’s both be insane, let’s both release our pain

One day I won’t be here.
One day I won’t show up at school.
One day I won’t text you to say good morning.
One day you will get a call. A message.
One day you will break down from that message. That call. That information.
One day you will find out I killed myself.
One day you will find a note to you.
One day you will read that note.
One day you won’t kill yourself because I killed myself.
One day you will live without me.
One day we will re-unite in heaven.

Someday you are all going to walk into school. And I won’t be there. And you’ll all think I’m sick or something

But then you’ll all be called into an assembly.

The police found my body at my house.

I had committed suicide.

You’ll all think they’re lying, or that I’m in hospital somewhere recovering. But I won’t be. I’ll be gone.

And then you will all go to class. Some of you might be crying, some of you might be sobbing, and some of you might be dazed. Not because you were my friends, but because none of you did shit to stop me.

And you are all going to have to […]