Right, well I’ve got a weird tree in my backyard.  It has a strange single branch on it that’s very thick and just above my eye level.  For some reason when I’m out back playing with puppy I always don’t see that giant branch and knock myself in the head (hard).  This has happened many times over.  I got irrationally pissed with that tree and thought I ought to cut that branch off but I never did, because I’m so fond of trees.

I had been troubling myself over wanting to hang myself (an endevour I keep trying and failing at) but not having a reasonable place […]

I cant stop the bleeding. My whole world keeps spinning farther and farther out of control and I can’t stop it or even get my head above water. I am still grieving the loss of my life’s work, I still miss my home so much, I miss having friends (my only friend has such a severe infestation of bedbugs that she has them crawling on her in public and I am exceptionally allergic). My fridge just died and I lost so much food, my car is making very odd noises, and my hormones are going beyond insane because I am starting through menopause. I […]

That you’re going to kill yourself eventually?

Sorry to be gruesome and blunt, I even try to avoid it even though I’m on a suicide forum. haha But I’ve just been curious. We’ve all gotten low though I think some see more hope than others.

For me I’m at about 80%, sadly. Wish it were different but I just highly doubt I’ll ever be able to come to terms with my circumstances.

P.S. it’s thunderstorming right now and I love thunderstorms  🙂

All of my problems have only got worse as I get older not money, relationship or living situation, I mean my mental thoughts on a day to day basis ive been to 3 physc wards in patient over the years I have attempted twice carbon monoxide and pills. the only conclusion I have decided is to grow a pair and pull the trigger on my 9mm berretta im not sure at what spot of the head to aim it so I must research Im not religious I have a great loving family that has never let me go without anything I just hope that I […]

Ever since I lost the 1 soul who meant the world to me, my world has been unravelling. Distractions kept me alive mostly. But more and more I see them as pointless.

I both envy and despise people who believe in an afterlife where we are reunited with our loved ones. Even in my most desperate, drugged up, delusional moments I can’t force myself to believe in anything of the sort. And yet all around me, people manage to deal with grief, death and loss by believing in a heaven where everything works out.

How the f*** can we all be reunited with our loved ones? “Heaven” […]

what kind of people go to hell?

what kind of people go to heaven?

Is there a place in between heaven and hell?

The stretch of track I live near is the most notorious in the UK for suicides. And they do it during the rush hour which closes the main line from London for two hours! The news rarely even makes it on the local paper.

However, a woman in Pennsylvania went deep into the woods and died using helium (only directly harming herself) and it made  international headlines.

Whats the deal with the media and reporting suicides?

You never know what’s gonna happen next

Most people don’t care about you

If you’re in a tough situation not that many people will help you

Many people care only about themselves

Sometimes the person you love doesn’t like you back

There’s a good chance someone will rob or kill you

If you are ‘ugly’, people may treat you differently

If you get cancer there’s a good chance you will die

If you don’t have a ‘job’ it’s hard to take care of yourself financially

If you’re gay people will discriminate against you

Im trying to make an exit bag. Like this.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=b7c_1359440522&comments=1

Where could I get all the equipment shown in this video?

I need to know the exact details of what that thing is that connects from the helium tank to the inside of the exit bag. What is it, what size is it, where could I buy it? Do you know of any websites that sell the exit bag already made? I need it just in case of an emergency in the future. You never know when a day could arrive and I could get cancer or get disfigured or some permanent disaster happening. I dont want […]

Screw you, world. You make my life living hell and cause suffering and misery for all of us? Well, I’m going to do the exact OPPOSITE of what you expect. Just to spite your ass. I’m going to go outside and find an ant hill. And I’m going to give them this apple core. And those 1000 ants are going to be like “wow, god is awesome! we can eat for weeks!” And I’ll be like, yeah right. The world effing sucks, but Enjoy, little ones.

My scars are hidden
And disease-ridden
With the guilt of not knowing why.
Why am I here?
Is it from doubt or from fear?
Why do I want to die?
Sometimes the pain is too much
And I have to cut
Away the pain and the strife.
Yet the sun cannot touch
The pink little ruts
That I have carved into my life.

To be continued.

I am sitting here with a cup of water, a pill bottle of 28 mirtazaphine sleeping pills. Each is 15mg, totaling to 420mg. I am contemplating whether or not I should kill my self, and I’m pretty sure I’m gunna end up doing it in an hour or so. I’ve been thinking things over the past few nights, and I am not in a bad family environment or bullied or anything. I’ve destroyed my relationship with my parents, my mom is all I really care about. My step dad is not at all like me, he adopted me, but we have nothing in common. I […]

They say depression is like you’re drowning, and you can see everyone else breathing.

Well i’m tired of drowning. I just wish I knew how to breathe.

Cancer is a *****. It ruins every fucking thing there is in life. When you hear that someone you care about has cancer, you loose it. I fucking broke a coffee table and punched a window. A FUCKING WINDOW. And then, after your friends family spends basically all their money on treatment, cancer keeps living. Why? Why the fuck does this happen?

I’ve fucking lost it, I’m so goddamn incapable of doing anything right now. I don’t know whether I should just kill myself or just run away again. I can’t stand the looks I get and all the motherfucking people. I’m just done. I can’t […]

Fighting is human nature, and pretty much nature itself,
We fight everyday to live the life we live,
We fight wars,
Diseases,
Animals,
Ourselves,
We fight for love
Attention,
For Pride,
Greed,
We just fight,
We innovate ways to fight using tricks and disguises,
We use tactics,
And technology,
But i am fighting not a war i am fighting a battle,
I am fighting a battle in my mind for love and selfishness,
I am fighting to fixing my past mistakes,
I am going to fight till my last breath is drawn,
I will fight till my muscles deteriorate into dust,
I will fight till […]

So… I’m planning to commit suicide soon.

I’m with him for 5 years now, we live together but I’m not in love anymore. He knows something is wrong, we don’t cuddle or have sex anymore, I’m often alone in the bedroom, I don’t talk a lot to him anymore…

I don’t know if I should break up with him before killing myself. Or should I let him believe that there was hope for us ? What’s better for him ? “My girlfriend killed herself” or “My ex-girlfriend killed herself” ? I don’t want to hurt him but I would like to be honnest before I leave this […]

I do not believe in God or the devil. But I do believe that there are spirits amongst us.

Sometimes I wonder, whether my ”Friends” actually like me, or if i’m there to fill a space. Lately i’ve stopped going to church. Why? not because i’m no longer a Christian, not because I can’t go. I even want to go sometimes, I just know i shouldn’t. If i attended what is supposed to be a worshipping of my religion, I would find myself, entangled with a bunch of fake girls who just like to sit around and talk about people the entire time, then when it comes to the actual service they act like the best things to ever walk the earth. They noticed […]

I’ve been contemplating suicide for over 3 years… I was unsuccessful three years ago when I tried to take my life. Later found out at the hospital that I was expecting a baby and that I figured it was a sign that God had made me feel that I was meant to be here… All through the years I have grown unhappy, I feel like a terrible mother because I don’t have the strength to be happy and make my son happy… I work to make money and on my days off i’m at school studying a major I have no passion in, but I […]

4 years later and I’m still learning how to breathe underwater. I can’t keep living with this constant unending pain. Learning how to walk without one of your legs and a constant aching pain is not life. I am rotting with each passing day waiting for death. Not living. Just surviving.