I couldn’t even get up today, i just didn’t see the point really. So I laid in bed all day thinking, and I reckon its about time I finally kill myself. I guess sleeping pills and a bottle of Jack Daniels will be the way I do it (I’m too much of a useless coward to try any other more painful methods) I wrote my will as well, (which was quite a a somber experience) I had trouble thinking of where all my money should go so I said for it to go to the Cancer Council, so it helps somebody I guess.
I don’t […]

I found this list posted as “What happy people do” … blah blah. I will link to the article below – but although i disagree with the general premise that suggests that if you follow these points you will suddenly “be happy” (Yeah, i scoffed with a sarcastic chucklesnort too) … but they ARE valid point that when most are adopted and incorporated into our every day life and decision making, they CAN make life less abrasive and irritable. A lot of these involve making conscious choices that can evolve into unconscious and automatic responses to situations that would normally inflame an already difficult day […]

My parents just told me that I “make everything worse”.

I don’t know what to do.

I am so mch frustrate vith my life….
i want to end it bt hv fear of death…. plz hlp me……

wht shud i do…?… i jst want to end my life……..

 August 1, 2013 Thursday 2:55 pm

I’m a lot stronger now than I have ever been. I have my anger somewhat controlled, I’m slowly getting it together. But as I look back at the hard times I was having. I was so scared and afraid of my future and didn’t know my purpose on earth anymore. I felt like I should be dead at the age 23 years old. I lived a life as well as I could. I was so broken down and beaten I was just tired of waking up every day fighting to be happy or just to be alive . I wanted […]

I just checked my email and there were like 80 emails about moderation and people just messaging me.

I’m soooo sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring people, I’m not. I just don’t check my email very often at all.

Idk..it feels like I should say more or respond to some but I don’t have time right now.

So if you’ve had missing comments on my posts I’m sorry I didn’t know they were there, I know you all take the time to comment and I feel bad now.
Sorry if this applies to you! 😐 *80 face palms*

So…Hi

I’ve had some big and stressful issues happen lately in my family, and I’ve completely blocked myself from everyone so really I don’t have anyone to talk it and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and bad anxiety. I thought I could rely on my friends to support me, but instead they just said “Sorry” for forcing me to tell them what’s wrong and never spoke about it again. I went to a school counsellor because I didn’t want my mum knowing I was like this because she would just blame me and say that I was being dramatic. Anyways, they gave up on me, so once […]

My heart needs refuge, my mind needs silence and my hands, my hands always empty, wishing one day they can enjoy the taste of affection.
I watch their hands interlock and I wonder if my hands are too small or too ugly to be held. Always cold, always lonely are the knots in my fingers making it impossible for them to properly fit. Do the deep honest lines cut like razors too close to your skin. I wonder, I wonder about all the moments they’ve spent lifeless and confused.
I place my heart in a jar and my mind just needs medication but […]

Last night on TV, there was this show, and the parents were joking with their daughter and in the end her Mum put her arm around her. That’s all I want. I want somebody to put their arm around me and tell me it’s going to be okay. No, they don’t even have to put their arm around me. I just want somebody to tell me everything will be okay. And I want to be able to believe them.

staggered overdose is what im thinking . I know how painful it is with liver failure but im willing to endure the pain for the end result.  I just cant bare it not looking like a accident something like a car crash or hanging would be too traumatic on my family .. I always thought pill overdoses were stupid and merely for attetion but now i feel like im left with no other option. suggestions experiences??

Lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. i keep seeing my dads dead body when I close my eyes at night or I dream that he is still alive. It’s twisted because when I was still in the womb he attempted to stab me. I hated hearing that as I grew up. He was a drug addict, and had about 6 fatal infections leading up to his death. The flesh eating one is what killed him two years ago a week before my 16th birthday. We had a rocky relationship. From the age of 6-12 he abused me. I lived with him […]

And by pain, I mean physical pain.  I am sick of hurting all the time.  I am sick of not sleeping at night because I get these long, miserable headaches, and the treatment(s) are typically stimulants.  I feel nauseous and depressed and I just want to die.

I have PTSD from being ill.  I get flashbacks of when I was sickest.  I was lying spread-eagled on the floor, unable to move.  I could barely breathe.  I just lay there and stared at the ceiling, I don’t know for how long.  I remember crawling from my mattress to the kitchen to open a can of beans.  It […]

When you first start to doubt a persons truthfulness it starts out like a small noise you hear in the background every now and then, as it grows it becomes a deafening roar that you can’t escape. What do you do when your afraid to stay but not ready to let go?

Photo Credit: Banksy

So of course just like the rest of us on this site i’m pretty suicidal. and by pretty i mean really suicidal. so naturally when i found a girl that makes me happy it was like god had decided to let up a little bit. a few months go by and all is well until recently. things are falling apart and im freaking out because without her i know i’ll try something again. i cant let the tiny bit of happiness ive found get away from me. And yet she causes me so much pain too… and her knowing about my depression is hurting her […]

Is there any way to direct message anyone on here? I’m usually not one for trying to form personal relationships (hence the suicidal tendencies) but some people on here seem like people I could actually really relate to and would like to chat with. Is there a chat function here or do you have to like exchange e-mails or something. Sorry I’m new here.

 

    Sometimes I can’t stand to see my own reflection. I can’t seem to see that the person in the mirror is me. I try to not look but when I do I suddenly break down, the world crashes around me. I am unable to do what I normally would which is distance myself from everyone and fade away into my own place. It feels like everyone is screaming […]

It’s weird how calculated I’m being about my own need to take my own life. The reason I’m here in the first place is because I have so many emotions I can’t control/deal with anymore. And here I am thinking of all the things I need to get in order before I go. I need to get a job and pay off my student loans so my parents aren’t left with grief AND debt. I need to leave them all my passwords. I need to get my room in order and get rid of as much stuff so they don’t have to go through everything […]

You get to walk away… I am stuck with me. With a person I hate more than anyone, day after day….. When is it my turn, to walk away… from me.