You

I

We

They

Mine

Yours

Ours

Theirs

Fuck that,  fuck all of that!

let’s just all become nothing

Ka-boom,  finished.

In response to XxwhyxX. I’m the same as far as song lyrics and poetry.

A great band (I’ve luckily seen a few times in Australia when they’ve toured)

The Doves

“There goes the fear”

Out of here
We’re out of here
Out of heartache
Along with fear
There goes the fear again
There goes the fear

And cars speed fast
Out of here
And life goes past
Again so near
There goes the fear again
There goes the fear

Close your brown eyes
And lay down next to me
Close your eyes, lay down
‘Cos there goes the fear
Let it go

You turn around and life’s passed you by
You look […]

So I just entered university and everything feels kinda like a dream to me.

I have changed. 180 degress. I talk to people, I know many other freshmen, so many that I even forgot their names and dorm number. I am no longer the shy girl trapped in her room all the time. I only spend time in my dorm literally to sleep. My writing has even changed– it has become messier– I think it indicates a change in personality.

But I found out that still, a piece of me is missing. Like I left something behind.

One day I […]

Lyrics to a song have always been a huge deal for me, I like to always decipher them and hear the inner story… I came across a song I hadn’t heard in years. Hearing the familiar song made me cry, not the silent kind of tears, but the body shaking sobs that take you over for hours at a time… The kind of cry session that makes you think of every single event in your screwed up twisted life. The words to the song spinning in your head over and over again…

It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever felt… Finally […]

just woke up from a dreamless slumber at this time in the morning and the obvious had approached me… everything was born to die.-_-

At the risk of identifying myself to anyone who knows me..

I had a woman come up to me a couple weeks ago and casually,comfortably,awkwardly tell me that she had followed me off a city bus a couple years ago in a snowstorm after exchanging smiles. To clarify, she was beautiful in the way that i like. The whole experience was so wholly unexpected…. that  I honestly questioned whether or not i had imagined it

Kind of sobering.. I found it easier to believe that i had suddenly become delusional enough to imagine this.. than it actually happening.

So she asked me if i remembered her… If i […]

I want to die a heroic death. Go down in a blaze of glory. As Neil Young put it, “Its better to burn out than to fade away”. One of my worst fears is fading away. Letting old age cause my body to decay until I’m left with nothing but health problems and gray hair. I can’t let that happen, I don’t want my life to be for nothing. I want to have suffered for a reason. Me risking/losing my life for someone else. At least then there would have been a point to it all

rubyblossom. / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

Running in circles,

You fall,

Digging deeper,

Confused.

Lost.

Your lost.

Breathing…

Seeing…

Heart beating…

Blood rushing through your veins.

But what is this filth that your breathing?

What is this desecration that your seeing?

Why is your heart beating when you don’t really live?

Why is your blood flowing when you can’t understand your life or what’s left of it?

Life…

Living a terminal disease,

Everyday you live your moving closer to dying.

Try and show yourself why…

You don’t know why…

You can’t find the truth.

You don’t know where your going.

People lose your trust.

But who are you to trust when you can’t even trust yourself?

Your psyche […]

So now stuff was going amazing was working out found the right people and now.. I’m not living at home a few hours away living in a basement parents don’t want me back stuff was pretty shit befor I was arrested in my bedroom about 2 weeks now going to be going in to foster care if I’m not accepted in to some program and I would be there for a year then idk were I think back home but my bestfriend it feels like he s replacing me. I’ve been failing school and this was suppose to be the turn around year and none […]

I haven’t been on here in months and I won’t deny that things have actually gotten much worse. I mean one minute I’m saying “I got this, I can make it” and the next I’m saying “okay I’ll just end it all on my 21st birthday.” My feelings go back and fourth. And now it’s just all coming back. My plan was to end it all on my 21st. To see if things ever get better. I realize that im still young, and all that, but some people just weren’t meant for life. Sometimes I feel bad because I wasn’t put through so much torture […]

I promised I won’t do it, so instead I live this torture… knowing I’m unlovable, knowing that I will never understand things the way they should be understood. I’m supposed to pretend everything is ok and my positive outlook will suddenly transform into a positive life… it hasn’t happened yet, so why should I believe it to be true. I don’t want anything anymore, no dreams, no aspirations… when I make promises, I keep them. Once again, I’ve lost nearly everything I hold close to my heart. I don’t want to keep going on like this… but I will, […]

Knowing how you paint your eyes..
Many colors in disguise.
You may blink once or twice..
But you’ve grown up way too fast..
And in a blink of an eye you’ve died.

Maybe enough of us get set up to hold a color in your eyes.

To late to live a simple life..
You get what you get..
And still can’t lift the blinds.
You can push me out on a limb..
But who will catch me..
If I can’t see to climb.
Like you..
If I’m blind like you..
Seeing only lies.

All I need is a time between the lines of grey..
In your dark dismay.

If there Was nothing to gain, or lose.

then, we would have no emotion.

nothing to care for.

but alas, i suppose that is what makes a human, human.

We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.

I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]

before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]

Been experiencing a fair amount of angst wrt this recently. It’s been seven years since I started, two since I “stopped”, and to be honest I still slip up now and then. I’ve been experiencing the urges. I’m back at my parents’ house for the summer, and though I’ve been mostly recovered for two years there’s still a dearth of sharp objects in the house. I used to compulsively hoard spare blades whenever I felt the urge to cut (in lieu of actually doing it). I literally bought in bulk, stashed paper cutters in every nook and cranny I could think of because they kept […]

I hate it when people try to cheer me up, yes, I know, it’s instinctive- they probably don’t know what else to do. But it kills me inside when they talk about hope, the future, what good may come. It kills me. It’s just digs me deeper.

I’m so tired of no one understanding,  of being so alone.

I know I’ll never be able to move out, I know I’ll never be able to have a successful life. When my mother can’t support me anymore, I’ll just have to live on the streets.

I can’t imagine myself being old, I’m too much of a defeatist that I’m prone […]

Need to talk? Il listen 🙂
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so, after the day it’s been, I’m feeling agitated, irritated, and wound tight.  I could snap like a stretched out slinky at any moment.  The urge to cut is very heightened when I’m like this.  The need for some type of release.  I should do something physical, but what I’d rather do is check out for a bit, if only my mind would quiet down a bit.  sigh….

Sometimes it hurts to live
Sometimes when you’re feeling low…I mean real low. This is a level of low no one knows about because the people who experience it don’t talk about it or are too high to even coherently relate it to the alphas and betas of the world. This is the low that somebody in your life, somebody closest to you has put you on the tipping point and your inner demons grabbed you & thrust you in. Your standing in the bathroom lights off. You’re in the shower with the water running. The warmth against your skin is how you […]