Hi- I see a lot of posts about people cutting. Is there anyone out that who peel skin, specifically the skin on their lips?  I’ve had the irresistable urge since childhood to peel the skin on my lips and I don’t know if I’m a weirdo/freak or what, but just wondering if I’m alone in this or is there anyone else who does this?

I don’t cut or do anything else.   I don’t know if that’s worse/better/or if it’s essentially the same issue.

I am sick of not being loved and not loving anyone anymore. I am sick of not being sexually attractive to my husband. I am sick of 23 years of abuse by multiple people. I am sick of my severe mental illness. I am sick of nothing helping. Talking doesn’t help.

Medications don’t help. I am sick of the suicidal and homicidal thoughts. I just want to go away! The only way it can go away is for me to be gone. I can’t stand seeing my ex husband with someone else. I can’t stand that she is pregnant. I hate the fact that I am […]

We spend our lives

trying to Be.

Be better.

Be smarter.

Be stronger.

Be prettier.

Just- to Be.

Be someone worthwhile.

Of course we do.

Who doesnt wake up each morning

wth the hope

that someone is going

to fall for us?

We strive for that feeling

of acceptance

and love.

Yet how do we forget

to find love for ourselves;

while we wait for another

to find their love for us?

Oh, how naive the soul

that roams each street alone,

wishing to find somone to love them

enough to take away the pain.

We are raised to believe that love

is the greatest reliever.

It can heal the wounds

and warm the icy blood pulsing through our veins.

We believe that the love of another is enough

to wash away

all pain and […]

A gut pull drag on me
Into the chasm gaping we
Mirrors multi reflecting this
Between spunk stained sheet
And odourous whim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlQU_7YU6HI
Calmer eye flick shudder within
Assist me to walk away in sin
Where is the string that Theseus laid
Find me out this labyrinth place

Yin and Yang lumber punch
Go taste a tart then eat my lunch
And force my slender thin and lean
In this solemn place of fill wetting dreams

Of black matted lace and pregnant cows
As life maps out onto my brow
The card is lowered in index turn
Into my filing cabinet
Hemispheres burn

(I posted early, I know, but I didn’t fully express everything, it was a tad too vague since I am paranoid of exposing myself to most people.)

I am currently in a rather rough situation, I would love to know how to cope with all the things I deal with on a regular basis. I realized last night I really don’t know how to cope with anything, seeing as I lock everything away, hide behind a smile that no one can see behind since I am so good at hiding, or I obsessively cut myself, overdose on meds (Over the counter or prescription), do anything excessively […]

Alice: I was just wondering if you could help me find my way?

Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to.

Alice: Oh, it really doesn’t matter, as long as…

Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go.

**This is a jumbled up mess…**

Ever wonder why you bother? I always do. I find nothing in life that is worth fighting for. I feel lost and alone. But I know I’m not. My family, friends, and girlfriend love me very much. It has been them that has kept me from following through with my dark thoughts. I’m writing here today because I made a pact with myself before I started college. If I could no go through with it, then I have nothing left to offer. I told myself it’s over once I get that email, letter, talking too. People saying you failed! Why bother?

It happened.

Now […]

This is my first post. I recently lost a family member to suicide. My family member used helium. I never knew about this was of suicide out of all my years of searching for a method. I did see that ******** will cause the person not to panic as the helium could. Having a panic disorder this is my only turn off. But both seem very painless. Before discovering this method sole only reason who I never went through with it was because of pain. Now that I have found a painless way to go I have to start saving the money. I want to […]

I will share a very brief intro about my past, I have attempted suicide 9 times in my past, 5 times ending me in a Psyche ward but none have permanently helped.
I do it to escape my life, because it gets unbearable sometimes, seeing as I lost my sister Match of this year, my engagement broke not too long ago, I was physically and sexually abused the end of last year (I am away from both the people who did that, luckily), I struggle with Bipolar disorder, my pain gets intense from flare up from Fibro, I have seizures, panic attacks, severe PTSD, etc… […]

That is all.

I’ve been severely paranoid for years. To the point of isolation, eating things that only come out of sealed packets that I buy, only drinking bottled water ect… I got better with the help of quetiapine and haloperidol. I’m currently looking after my niece and nephew and still taking my meds.. Before I came to care for them one of my best friends stopped talking to me.. She just ignored me and still is, at the same time another close friend that I had lost contact with started talking to me constantly.. The same day.. It wasn’t me that made contact either or provoked the […]

I know that many people probably have lives that are worse than mine. I am lucky to have caring parents, a house to live in and food to eat. Though my life at home is pretty good, at times it can be rough. When my brother turned 18, he got a tattoo and my parents yelled at him many days for over 3 months. That was when I first started to cut. I had built up an act to make people like me. I held in all my emotions for several years. That was until I started middle school. In the summer of 2010, my […]

Hi,

I’m 23 and I feel like that’s all the time I need. I’ve been awash in suicidal depression since 9th grade. Right after high school me and a girl fell in love, and I was able to be happy occasionally. Well a few months ago she broke up with me, vaguely saying our lives were going different directions. She later admitted she was over me at least by December and broke up with me as a formality so she could immediately sleep with a guy from work who seduced her without technically having to cheat on me. I asked her how and why it could […]

Plain and simple I’m a fucked up person. I’m in horrible pain nearly every day of my life unless I’m doped up. And yes I do mean physical pain. It makes me treat the people I love in a way that shames me ever time I think about it. The bills keep piling up preventing me from seeking professional medical care, and because of whatever it is that’s wrong with me the only job I can manage to work is a minimum wage desk job. Every minute I’m at that job is agony. I just got married to the most amazing man in the world […]

For all to know: I have a little trouble to ask for help to others, especially my friends, friends that I like, and now my boyfriend, one of the best people I’ve ever met and one that understands me the most and identifies me, he almost has the same problems I’m having.
 I suffer from depression since I was 13. I have suicidal thoughts since 14, escalated to 15 with many suicide attempts. I’m currently 16 and I’m having suicidal thoughts and afraid to try suicide again.
I got what I wanted most. I never wanted anything so much in my life, and the best: […]

It’s been years since i last took a breath of happiness, i saw my life going down into a hole. Then i thought about just remembering my past, see if what was back there was good: and was not! I lost myself and i couldn’t reach what was beyond the sadness, i just realized i got no friends, no beauty, no skills…

It’s basically a pointless life, as i see myself going nowhere, i humbly ask for help, i need it now more than never. I can’t talk to people anymore, everything bad that happens i just think it’s for me, and well… I just need […]

I really don’t know if I’m right here on this page,but i really wanted to tell somebody my story, the story behind the mask with the happy face.I just can’t take it anymore, I don’t know why, I have a beautifull girlfriend wich I love more than everything.But every month I have one or two weeks where I get really depressed. The whole week.If I see “friends” who are not really friends they are people i like.but noone who understands me, who really listens to me.I know i can’t commit Suicide because of my girlfriend, because it will make her cry and than i will […]

I wanted to leave this as a sort of enduring statement, simply because it’s my last opportunity to leave one. Or at least it may be.

There is something seriously broken with this system. It is often said that suicide is irrational or insane, but I would like to state for the naysayers that it is the system we have created which is insane, brutish, cruel, unnecessary, and irrational.  If someone is no longer capable of living within the confines of this system, and lacks the resources to escape it, then suicide is the last option and the only remaining reasonable option.

For three years, I have […]

Well, after chatting to noonoo (like everybody does it seems haha) and telling her that I am an ‘aspiring’ singer and that my ‘hope’ is my singing, I thought I would share a couple of my newest links! :)  .. actually I dont know how to get video’s to go straight on to the page, So I’ll just do one … My hope .. My voice .. Wrathchild   (I think it plays  in windows media player) … btw  only for people who like iron maiden!

If anyone can tell me How you can get video’s embedded in the page, then let me know!

Whatever I try to do to get away from this, and to show who I am.. just fails.

I’m just labeled. You know what it’s like, to go anywhere in this town and have people talk down to you, or warn you? To work up my already dwindling self image only to have one word or evil glance just shatter it?

‘You’ isn’t anyone particular, it’s just a way to scream into the void.

I’m not posting my thoughts for any agenda other than you try and write my mind down. I’m not looking for your pity or sympathy. I’m not looking for your guilt.

You don’t have to […]