Why does this shit happened to me?

I cant get no answers?

I feel like shit?

I gave my all to someone, and for what to be hurt and now i want to kill myself?

Let me say first that though my life has been very hard for a woman that has only lived in this world for 24 years, I have been blessed with two beautiful children. Even though I have these angels with me everyday I still find myself locked in my closet uncontrollable crying with something in my head telling me my family would be better off without me. What role do I play in this world that I deserve to live. Let me start from the beginning of my life…. I was born into a abusive family where I witnessed my father beat my mother and […]

I still hate myself, and i’m still struggling to make it through the day without crying.
At night, I still find myself wanting to die.

But what good would that do? I want my life to get better– not destroyed.  But in order for my life to get better, I need to make a move. I need to get out more- see the world, and try to see the good in it. Living my life hiding away from everyone won’t do anything good, I need to change that- I can’t hide forever. I need to meet new people. The thing is, how am I supposed to […]

I noted a reply to one of my earlier posts that stated I was not actually talking about committing suicide immediately or maybe that was never my intent at all. To this I reply, if you were around on the Suicide Project six to twelve months ago you would not think that.  The only reason I did not finish the job was because I was evicted from my home of 20 years because I had lost my job and became broke very fast.
Prior to becoming homeless last April, I had my Final Exit all planned out and was only waiting for the best time…for me.

The […]

it seems that most people who know me realize that i have a death wish – which i do, but it’s just like playing the lottery, the chances are it won’t happen the way i want it – in my sleep tomorrow.

The clichés given to young love make me angry. There is no age for love. Love is a feeling that knows no boundaries. You don’t wake up on your 18th birthday and think right I’m old enough to drink smoke and love. Anyone can love. And I loved. In fact, I still do love. I love and I hurt and I cry and I wish for change. Ross is my entire world. I’d do absolutely anything for that boy, except let go. I’ve never been treated so well by someone. Our relationship was the kind you see on twitter ad tumblr. I’ve never had such […]

the adrenaline upon contact
the instant relief as the first drop of blood emerges
the pain
drowned out my the stinging of your skin
the memories
merely but a tiny thing now
the sobs slow down
breathing heavies
let`s go deeper
maybe i can kill myself
each time you go deeper than you imagine yourself to handle
each time you numb the skin a little
each time it becomes easier to go deep
until one day you find your limit
you find the end
your escape.

TOUGH TIMES DONT LAST, but tough people do, screw  your past, don’t let it screw you.

I’ve always lived my life for others……… Its hard to keep doing after 22 years of it……..  I tried to kill myself last week by jumping into a lake in the middle of the night……….. I was hoping I’d freeze and die…………….. but I didn’t…………. I realized I had done everything I had planned to do in my life……………So why can’t I be happy with it?  I have a 3 year old son now………….. I saved my husband when I met him from ending his life……………. and I gave him my life………… I try to give him everything and anything to make him happy because […]

I had a plan; it all escalated over a guy; what’s new? He still gives me just enough to string me along.  And there is a man who likes me but there is zero chemistry.  Can’t there be chemistry and respect in one package?  Not since me deceased husband, and I’m not sure even loved met at the end.  OK, I’m not going to do anything drastic now, but I need you so much.  The time will come again when I need someone to talk me down.  You all understand a heck of a lot better than people on the hot lines.  They mean well, […]

Well I’m officially 24 years old.

You know, aging has become a lot like gaining weight. You reach a certain number and you wonder why you let yourself get that far.

That’s how I’m feeling today.

If nothing goes right today, on my birthday, I’m making a helium bag.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Apparently I am perfect to be fucked over. I have no control over my life and apparently not even over my own death. Its not fair, all I wanted was to die, but apparently I cant even do that.

I’m sick. Can’t stop coughing. Hoping I might die in my sleep. Not sure if anything is real. I’m ready to die. I know I am. But I’m scared. For what reason I don’t know. Of the pain maybe. The love of my life is oblivious to me. He doesn’t even care. I’ve posted things on Facebook, pictures describing how I feel, directing them to him. Even though I have always been there for him. He doesn’t care. He pretends to. But if i died today. He wouldn’t care. I’ve been waiting. Singing my songs forever. But its just a game. Let the games begin. […]

He calls it “Summer Land”

Where we go to reflect and rest

Where our favorite teachers come to teach us again

Where the things we loved once

We get to do again

I imagine the entrace is something like the last shot

in “The Gladiator” so brightly lit

his hands graze over the grass

as he enters the heavy once bolted door

There are activities and plays inside

We get to see the ones we love

once again

I’m starting to give up. Starting to lose hope. I’m feeling more and more unhappy as time goes by. All the arguing… is it worth it? I don’t know anymore. I’m starting to wonder if this is how every relationship is going to be for me. I always have unhappy relationships. I never once can think of a happy calm relationship I’ve been in where I am not in a constant argument. I can’t sleep anymore.

I’m not in a kissy mood-argument.

I’m depressed- argument….

everything is an argument.

Hi everyone.

This is my first and probably last post on this site. No, it’s not because I’ll be dead tomorrow. I just need to let out my feelings on here, once and only once, because I can’t do it in real life.

First off, I don’t care who’s reading this, since it’s anonymous. I’ll say that I probably can’t be considered truly suicidal anymore, because I don’t ever seriously think about suicide–it’s mostly a compulsive thing that plagues me when I’ve had a bad day. The reason I’m really here is because I’ve had so many feelings lately and no one to talk to about them, […]

Okay you guys so today was my like last day of school and it actually went pretty well.  I’m doing alot better this semester then i was last semester. I’m trying REALLY hard to actually do good.. I’m working on my attitude and how angry i get. And I’ve started to write in a journal it really does help if you right things down instead and then go back and read them later. Also i count backwards starting at 10 i know alot of people do that well it works for me lol to calm me down sometimes plus i have a stress ball. I […]

I wanted to die
they saved my life
man, fuck this shit
it just ain’t right.

Went to the tower to see if i’d fly.
but then they decided that I should’nt try.

They ripped off my wings and tore off my feathers.
It’s for the worse not for the better.

I had it all planned wrote out the note
I was more than ready to go.

I said goodbye to the hell I called home, and walked to the bus stop that would deliver me hope, skipped down the stairs and then up to the elevator, 10 storys up with a sign that said danger.
Danger, don’t stand […]

After 4 months of not cutting…I’m going to cut tonight.
You dont have to read this and, believe me, i’m not writing this for you.
I’m writing this for me.
For forever I have been trying to show people that I understand and that they’re not alone and that i’ll be here for anyone and I was never needed.
For too long have I held off on cutting for your fucking happiness and so YOU wont have to be disgusted with my fresh wounds.
For years have I held out on stealing YOUR boyfriend because I know that we’re soulmates and HE kissed ME and I […]