I am very clinical in my descriptions as well. Helps me feel in control of myself even if I’m not… Keeps me thinking and not feeling… I always get belittled for being sensitive… I think this is a way to be different… subconsciously.
My good friend hanged herself last weeks in the woods after a battle with depression. I need to know if she suffered. From what I know she stood on a chair about 1 foot off ground and hanged via basic rope from a DIY store attached to a tree.
I just hope she didn’t suffer for long. Please be honest if you know I just need closure. If anyone can help with what it would of felt like, time it took to pas out/die etc I would be appreciated.
He was there with me, we were doing what we usually do, having fun by being with eachother. It was all i wished for, hes a gentleman. Hes happy to see im happy. I have to push, ask for a hug, i feel hes body warmth and heart beating. Im on his chest, were smiling to one another, talking. We get up, keep talking, smiling, living the moment, like 2 children who love to play together… Somehow we end up close, faces too close and i cant resist, he feels it and we kiss. It was so sweet, so wanted, his kiss felt like that. […]
here i go again, pathetically begging for some one to give a rats backside if i am here or not.
i keep getting told i have an answer for everything. if i did, do they not think i would be able to help myself.
im nearly 37, have zero friends. a brother too busy to help (3 and a half hours away) a mum who is too busy going out with her friends to care, (4 and a half hours away) have had to move house (broken relationship), can only afford to live in the rough part of town – so dont go out the front door. […]
By:EmoCookie
Oh suicide
I cant stop thinking about it at the moment
I want to cry but hold it in
I want to cut but  something is stopping me
Something tells me that
That it wont stop me for that long
I couldnt hold it in now I am crying
The other night
I couldnt stop thinking suicide
suicide
SUICIDE
so many ways my mind came up with
grrr
i dont know what to do anymore
what to say
what to feel
I am waking up every day not wanting to do anything but sleep. I push myself to do the things I need to do. I remember learning that the key to overcoming depression is to keep on with your routines. I don’t really agree. There is this hollowness that comes with each day, I smile, I laugh, I behave kindly, I turn the other cheek, I maintain composure, I stifle and stifle…
And I feel dead. I come home to my flat and lay down. Sometimes, I’ll watch a show or read. Sometimes, I’ll spend a few minutes sharing pleasantries with a “friend”. Sometimes, I might […]
Who am I?
I’m eliza. 15. And more and more everyday I find myself hating myself for how I am.
I feel worthless,
Fat,
Ugly
I want to be anyone but me. I hate it. I hate feeling this way but it’s true though.
I don’t feel good anymore,
I used to be happy, before HE came along
Fucked me up majorly
I cut all the god damn time and I’m sick of feeling like I’m so worthless all the time :/
I dot know who I can trust, my family are never there for me, I want to be happy living in my own […]
Hi guys im only new to this, but i need help, i have s many sucidal thoughtsmiv been called ugly,fat and told to kill my self in the last week 🙁 i cant take it ‘
My son committed suicide after a long time of unbearable mental and emotional anguish. Suicide seemed like a great relief in his mind. A few weeks after he died, we found out that the doctor had been giving him the wrong medicine for all that time and the medicine is known to cause extreme torment of the kind he was feeling. If he had only had his medicine changed, he would have been fine and happy and smiling. His brother had his medicine changed, and now he is happy, though I myself am a resident living in a hospital because of what my son’s death […]
I see him everywhere i go
and never does he leave me alone
he was there at the very first time when stuff went down
he was there when miles got shut down , yeah i seen him , with my owe eyes .
he even watched me lose my mind.
laughing , with a happy smile.
when you walk the road he walks with you ,hes part of your shadow,so real and true
hes always round the corner , looking out,watching when the sun sets and when the moon shines.
at moments of despair he sees me ,watching out
ready to catch me,at this moment of weakness
ready to drop hes prey , he […]
i lost your email ….. can you email me back?
So I just got the results back from my entrance university exams. I secured 2nd position and obtained 70% scholarship.
Thank you God…
I hope… I can convince her… if we can manage the funds… maybe I can buy a car. I don’t mind a second or an ugly one.
Please God… please let me live. I am bored and tired of dying everyday… I want to live… I want to be normal. I want to live.
I have lots of dreams to achieve, dreams of 17 years. I will survive, I will hold on till that day come. So please God… give me a chance.
very bad day at work… anyone up? just don’t want to deal with these stupid thoughts by myself or drown them in a bottle.
Pfft, the last post I made was a lie. I said I’ve ‘hit my lowest point’ but that’s more like now or the near future. I tried to literally run away from my problems, and I was naïve to think it would help anything. I got 57 miles on foot before a cop started questioning me, and he eventually arrested me (since running away where I live illegal). That’s the only reason I’m still in this tiny little hellhole of mine where as much as the people around me may have good intentions, I can’t take it. I’d run away again, even though as I […]
I love this boy!!! so so so much!!! hes the most amazing person ive ever known. I love everything about him I love how dominant he is lol. im his new plaything (his words not mine) I love how hes my prince and I know he can and will protect me. we are just alike in a lot of ways but hes way more bold than I am lol and I have better reasoning then him we fit perfect and I know it I just wish he didn’t move and we’ve ben fighting a lot lately… :'( im so afraid to lose my best friend […]
I’m only 17. I am going through shit right now. Exactly a year from today I was on this site. A year ago i felt like killing myself so badly that it had never got to me like that.
I will try to make this short and summarize everything.
My life began taking its downhill when i was in 6th grade. My parents got divorced and it affected me. I hated my dad. I never hung out with him unless my mom made me.
My dad always called me a hoe since I was in 7th grade. He never felt proud of me really. I […]
At night, it gets worse. I’m afraid to close my eyes because I know the pain will come flooding back. I just want to be numb. I’d rather feel nothing at all.
Oh well. I suppose I really have no choice, I need to sleep. I really appreciate all of you. I feel as though I can finally relate and talk openly about what I’m dealing with.
Goodnight.
So I have been kinda down lately. I started writing in a journal again to help me with my english project and memories began spilling out. I’m 16 years old, and I have been a cutter since i was 12. It has never been much, nothing too serious, but it scars. I would always get in trouble with my parents, they would yell and scream about everything. Lots of times they would scream at each other and lots of times at me. It was cause I failed my test, or screwed up again or wasn’t good enough or was annoying. I’m never good enough. I’m […]
Well, I wasted another day, and when anticipating more of the same tomorrow, I decided tonight was good enough.
I am using ********, and I read where someone used an air line respirator. That sounded best to me, for the questions I had about my exhaling CO2 would not be relative with a sealed respirator.
I had previously attached all of the tank, hose, respirator, and was confident that the fitting were all air tight. On my 22 Cu Ft tank, the regulator has its typical two dials, and a shut-off valve near the connection of the hose for the head gear.
Put on the sealed […]
Darkness… thats all I see. It swirls around me growing and growing. It twist on itself like a dark flaming torrent. It gets bigger and bigger. All I can see is this abomination of a thing all around me. I am horrified. “what the hell is this!” I scream. Thats when I hear the laugh, and as soon as I hear it I realize something. The darkness is… my soul. Its whats left of what I used to be. It has rotted inside of me. It has grown like my rage, frustration, and deppression. Then I start to laugh with it. I laugh and laugh. My laugh […]