it hurts it burns deep in my core my heart beats for her my life depends on her. She destroys me but she also makes me im in love with the stress,the pain the lust but most imporantly im use to her that i cant leave because there might not be nobody else like her. Almost 3 years and i still love you but i also grew hate but for some reason i smile when i say that and iknow you will always smile when you hear that. I cant change it even though i wish i.could but sometimes i like it because this […]

Long story short… I heard Travis’s voice on the phone just a few minutes ago… I’ve only heard his voice in my dreams… I feel like I am dreaming… I still love the sound of his voice<3

I went to church and it was fun… But hard  for me… I guess it was okay and idk if i should go again.. I want to but I don’t and I’m scared that people will find out about all the crap that happened recently and I feel really bad but at the same time, I don’t care about them but they really are nice people and all so I’d feel really terrible when\if they decided to lecture me… HELP!! SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO!?! I wish the pain  of  the past would go away already!!

Soumya, always knew how to make me strong. Now like others she also found me a burden.

I’m 19 and I wanted to be writer for the last five years, but the path I chose to become a writer was a very different one. This, in return, was not liked by my parents or anyone around me. I didn’t chose anything bad; it was just nontraditional, thus making me a heretic. I can’t blame my parents or anyone else for caring about me too much but when they stopped me from walking on that path I realized that I can’t become a writer anymore because I just don’t want to.
I don’t want to die because I’m tired or depressed. (Albeit, I’m […]

I miss Sinine, she always cheers me up when I am feeling down.

The purpose of it,and what we are here for

I wondered how far back I would have to go to make a miracle change in the timeline of my life. This is no idle thought, it is one I’ve considered for many long years and the reality is there is only one place for me to go back to and that is the womb. Not to come out and relive with the hope of it being different. No, I would need to move backward into the womb, wrap the cord around my neck and die before I ever lived. Backward would be the only way to stop my life that has not been […]

When I’m feeling the most down, I try not to look sad.
I absoultly hate when people pity your life.  It has to be the worse thing.
Which is why you smile.
“Are you alright Elisabeth?”
“Oh yeah absoultly.”
Just smile, and hope that one day everything will actually be aliright(:

I said hope, I don’t know if that’ll actually happen.

Ive Dealt with depression ever since middle school, and yes i believe it has gotten progressively worse throughout the years. I was never really the popular person or noticed even when i was at school or at home, and many family issues, i just felt like i was always just around to fill in a needless gap. Ive gotten good at acting like i was fine whether it be to what friends i do have as well as my family, but lately ive just been breaking down and i feel like all im doing is heading toward a downward spiral. My suicidal demon has always […]

my name is Sammantha. i am nearly 20 years of age. ive been out of school for 2 years now working a dead end job. i was a straight A student in high school i wanted to go to school for zoology. it never happened. some where along the line i got scared i wouldnt be smart enought and instead of taking my SAT i took thr ASVAB and was just waiting till i was 18 ton enlist in the Army. finally the time came to do that and my mother who has cancer got sick again. i decidsd to stay back for a while. […]

I’ve been considering suicide for years now. I lost my job, but I have about 15 years of cash to sit on, that I worked my ass off for, while I do what I love – hiking, etc. I’m only 27 years old. I guess I consider this an early retirement. Nobody around here is wanting to hire me. Fuck them. While they’re slaving away for a 60-something retirement that may never happen, I’ll be living out my life happier than they’ll ever be. I’m a plan ahead kind of guy. I had to watch my grandmother go on hospice who never got to enjoy […]

So I have been feeling depressed for a while now. I wouldn’t really say its constant, my emotions are a bit of a roller coaster.see, I feel like I’m gods mistake, and that I have to put his “mistake” right by killing myself. The worst part is that I know I’m just being too much of a dramatic ******, but I can’t help it. I have recently moved schools, leaving all my best friends, and now I’m growing apart from them. Not only that, but everyone at my new school thinks I’m gay. Even my “friends” admit that they think I’m gay. My mum gave […]

3 years back, my family was in a severe economic crisis – we were broke. Living in a family friend’s house as a whole because we had to move out of our own; my father losing everything he had, spending time in jail and still having debt; having to move to a country quite literally running from money. It was a very bad situation.

But, bad enough as it was, my mother started turning into someone – no, showing a part of herself that me and my sister never knew was in her. She became a total *****. I know it’s unacceptable to be saying stuff […]

I want to feel. anything. I feel so fucking empty. My moods swing constantly. Half an hour ago I was jumping up and down with energy..

I want to cut, so I can feel that sweet rush flow trough my body, I want to smoke, I want to drink, have sex so freaking much…

and now I have to leave my bed to go to work. Yey 🙁

Im seeing them again.. the three black circals that cloud my vision…. I wanna cut so badly.. i was using my coping skills again tonight its 2am here. My most useful coping skill at the moment is drawing. My mom (step mom) came over to check on me i asked to have more paper. She said no that i need to stop distracting myself and get to sleep.. i just wanted to scream.

She’s the person who doesnt get it most of all. She’s super religious. She doesnt get that im bisexual. I’m just “in a phase” . […]

Now I know every one who has ever killed himself or herself never had a good reason to do so (according to others). Still they do….. and will go on taking their own life, rejecting this wonderful gift given by God. Maybe to some this gift is not at all a gift. I don’t see it as a gift. For me life had always been a burden. Humanity is not like a Jane Austin book. It is at most times stark ugly and cruel. There are no happy endings in life just some good stuff followed by a lot of  bad stuff, then a good […]

idk what to do anymore. ive tried meds and everything i can think plus somethings from family but its not helping. i feel worse each day more then the last. i feel like im drwoning in my own mind and it scares. for the first time in my life im scared and pleding with tears in my eyes for an anwser but nothing reveals itself and when i go looking i meet by dispair and unimportance. ive been thinking of ending it all and just letting go and i know it would be easy but idk. everyday i think about what is happening to me […]

I feel like a stranger in my own, even though i have my stuff all through the house, i still don’t feel like i live in this place. It makes me feel even more depressed then i am. I wish there was someway to make myself feel like this is my home as well but i don’t think that will ever happen unless i live by myself or with my boyfriend instead of a youth organisation where we share a unit of the same sex. Maybe it’s because i have OCD, that makes me feel this way but i don’t know. I just wish things […]

i am a woman,but i feel like a child sometimes. im married with a child, i dont know want to have these thought because i love my family but i feel like shit. i dont know if im smiling or im just waiting for the end of the day i stay at home ive only had 1 job n been out off work for a while He works and goes to trade school…somedays i try i look online for work i clean but i just give up its like forever is a day and it comes everyday we’ve moved far away from my […]