right now, I want to die. I dont know what to do, this seems like bull shit.

I honestly cant take this anymore i dont feel like im worth enough to get up every day and pretend that im happy and ok just because no one around me understands my situation. I hate carrying on through all the pain and hoplessness. I have come close to commiting suicide numerous times and actually attempted it a couple times. I even have gone so far as to write a suicide note. I feel worthless and when i look into the future i dont see myself in it. I am not worth enough to keep fighting for something I’ll never acheive… nothing is worth fighting […]

I am not me.

I am. I live in the moment. Forgetting my past is easy, probably thanks to my screwed up neural wiring. I know my story. I lived it. But looking back is like reading pages from a book.
I’m detached. I am not who I was. I’m reading lines from Shakespear. This horrible tragedy befell the main character, followed by many smaller tragedies, but they’re not even memories in most cases. The few things I can remember clearly remain vivid, but only a few still carry pain with them. So why am I here?
I can’t remember the past, but I can feel […]

I got out of bed earlier, made and poured myself a hot cup of tea.
As I stirred my tea gently and slowly, my mind began to percieve it as a pattern..sort of a beat.
Swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..
Words began to play like a song in my head..in a really soft high-pitched voice

Sharp knives and blood
Like sugar and tea
Sweetly come together to comfort me
End the suffering now
turn out the lights
Death is not so bad
Take your life
Take your life
Take your life
Take your worthless life

This was replayed twice until I was jolted out of the lullaby by the sound my phone […]

ughhhhhh!!!!!!! one of my best friends texted me saying: “i really love you” and guess what…just another guy i cant TRULY have cuz this guy lives in california! and i just had to move away to idaho! ugh…FUCK LOVE….

when people disappear mysteriously with no trace of where they went so i stopped in to say goodbye. no wondering

So sometimes when I’m feeling all depressed and stuff and I start writing things down to post like on tumblr or whatever. I’ll write half of it and like think about it then cry. Then after I cried im just not in that “sad” mood anymore to finish what I wrote. I was wondering if this happens to anyone else?

i swear i breathe through my scars, so often i hold my breath til they’re open.

that sigh,

the deep breath.

that relief…

if ending it feels like that, i don’t know why i’m afraid.

A friend of mine found out today that I have started cutting again and well he doesn’t like that. I tried to make him understand that I’ve tried to stop but it’s hard. Now he won’t really talk to me I think he’s mad. He probably does have the right to be I’ve lied over and over again. I’m not sure what to do I really don’t want to loose him. Any suggestions???

i can’t believe it, i’ve lost the only thing i’ve ever enjoyed in life and he through it all away. i gave him everything and he pays me back by ripping my heart out. All my friends have “dropped” me. All i’ve got now is my sister and even then she doesn’t care. I’m just so over it all so this is me. Saying bye. i’m so sorry to who i have caused pain to but. in the end no one was ever really there, i get laughed at, at school and im so pardon my french but im so fucking over it. bye.

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before and people continue to disappoint them.”

Hello.

I think I’ll start with introducing myself so that, you know who I am and you won’t have to put it all together in confusion.

My name is James, but I like to be called Jamie. It’s more fitting and all of my friends call me that.

I’m 16 and enduring my Junior year of high school,  so far the hardest year of my life.

There are many things that make me sad, which seems to be the case for most sincere people on this site, so I’ll just break my rant up into parts according to what’s going on.

My Brain

The thoughts that I have are so unorganized, […]

So I just qot off the phone with my old bestfriend,I miss her!!!!!I wanna qive her the biqqest huq!!!So I told her about Teenqirl and this site.I told her to click my name and read my posts If she wants to know the real me.After readinq my embarrassinq Wrestlemania post,out of nowhere she starts cryinq and tells me “why would you do that?”Why would you cut your self?”She saw the cuttinq picture that I have.I couldn’t really say anythinq cause my friend was riqht next to me so I told her I’ll call her back.Her reaction made me feel horrible like fuck I should just […]

….have you ever come to the realization that the only person who was wrong about the person u loved most in ur life…was u?

or have you ever realized that the only person in your life is the person who disappointed you the most….  (you)

being alive is THE most horrible waste of time.

i dont know what im still doing here.

I can’t take it anymore! All that’s left for me in life is a gun. I’m never going to acomplish anything in life, and even if I do, I won;t even begin to compare with my dear sister’s acomplishments. I don’t see the point in living if all that goes throught my head is depression and confusion. Confusuin to what I am. I know I like other girls, and my friends have accepted that, but am I bi or Lesbian. Bi is one thing, but would they accept lesbian? Not only that, but this is my last year of freedom. I’,m pretty much out at […]

Why is this blogging site called THE SUICIDE PROJECT, what do they mean by project. Is this a site studying emotions of dpressed people. I know I will get a lot of rage comments but I would like to know. It sounds stupid just reading it over. But still I wish to know

Today it was decided that for my safety and my little sisters safety it would be better to put me in a ward for a couple of weeks or months… You see that my mother is a extremely strict Christian – And after i came out to my family as a homosexual – She know believes i am possessed by a demon… So after a couple times of trying to kill myself because my father is disappointed at me , and tells me im disgusting she decide for ” my own good ” And “The protection of my little sister” That i need to go […]

Everyone has troubles. It’s life. Everyone endures bullshit from time to time. Though some, in fact, are worse than others. I’ve never told anyone any of this before. And to be honest, I’m scared. I’m afraid of being judged. Of being misunderstood in my story. But I’ll tell you.

Here goes nothing.

I’m seventeen years old, and a senior in high school. I’ve always made decent grades, and am well liked by most people. I’m the funny chunky girl. Here’s the catch. I’m dying on the inside. I feel so.. broken. So lost. And to be honest, I’ve felt this way for years. I put a smile […]

i feel so stuck in this life, school, work, homework, boredom. my “friends” never have time to hang out so the only interaction i get is with my boyfriend and fake friends who only use me for my cigarettes or money. i yearn for an adventurous life but it just seems impossible. i have no major in college because none of them interest me and i can no longer imagine a future for myself. i have terrible social skills so making new friends is next to out of the question.. i see other people laughing and having a good time and my envy enrages me, […]

Normally when I have a flashback or nightmare I write about it in my journal. Today I decided to post about it on here just so that I don’t have to keep this mess hidden inside me. This is hard for me to write about so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make too much sense.

I don’t usually have good sleeps, some nights I don’t sleep at all. I’m terrified of the dark in fear of my abusers getting me. Last night I dozed off, I didn’t fall asleep, just went into a trance to try to calm myself. Around 10am this morning I was triggered when I […]