Why am I so obsessed with death?
One last breathe
Pull it in deep
One more pill
To put me to sleep
25
26
swallow it quick
This pain is restraining
I can’t keep on waiting
I’m lost and confused
I’m done trying to choose
It’s the finale goodbye
The last farewell
I’ll met you all
In that place called hell
For those who might care.I’m finaly done installing myself into what is gonna be my new home for at least 3 years(unless I off myself).I am now all alone in the city of Sudbury in Ontario.The isolation is crushing.I wandered this new house for about an hour because I had no idea how I should pass my time.This week of bliss where I was to busy to think is done and I’m struggling to occupy my mind.
In about a week my college studies are gonna start.I wonder if everyone is gonna be shit like where I lived or if I’m actualy going to meet some […]
there is so much i have to say and i don’t really know where to begin… so i’ll try to start from the beginning. i don’t really remember ever being very happy. i spent the first five years of my life with a father who did and sold drugs all the time and when and if he came home he was abusive towards my mom. i don’t remember this but my mom told me that he pushed her down the stairs when she was pregant with my youngest brother. we never really had much money because my mom couldn’t work with all of us being […]
I’ve been on here for a few days and I’ve posted some advice… Now it’s my turn, I think.
I’ve been struggling with these thoughts since the end of my sixth grade year. This was when separations between people occurred. I was pushed the outer most edge of the world. I was bullied, and to defend myself, to make myself look tough, I bullied back. I was by myself, I hardly had a friend. When I had chicken pox and was gone for almost a month… nobody noticed I was gone. Except the teacher… of course…
Seventh grade came around and I was at a new school. […]
damn it father you should understand…
i don’t trust therapists
i deal with my shit my way.
i am not spending your money, my money or anyone elses money on that piece of crap.
if i want to be left alone,
then respect that
never remind me of that crap
FORGIVE
everyone including yourself
FORGET
every memory that you hold dearest to
They are nothing but a past
A hopeless dream
A past that is dead
Like everyone says
Move On…
All I could hear are those two breaking news
Let go…
Give up…
Forget…
Just erase the memory from your mind
I am a 36 year old male who two months ago impulsively tried to commit suicide following a very sudden breakup. The afternoon of the breakup I ingested 60 over-the-counter sleeping pills after drinking ten beers within one hour on an empty stomach. I hastily scribbled out some notes to friends and family before taking the pills. After taking them I got into bed and waited to die. I thought it would be a sure thing. After approximately 10 minutes I started to feel my entire body buzz. It actually felt very pleasant. I remember looking up at my ceiling….thin lines of sunlight stretching out […]
by U. kill me oh kill me to save me from the pain. i see a couple and think of u, hold me dont let me go. i love you. i CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU. not that ur ignoring me cuz right now ur not. but i know if i dont get my phone back soon i can kiss u good-bye. nope i cant do that. EVERYONE HATES U. i dont get that. i know sometimes u just have issues but i rather work through them then forget everything. i hold on. and baby? u blinded me. cuz now i screw everyone and love […]
today she told him. that she was and is in ove with him. she knows that he is with one of her old friends. but yet he says he loves her. she asks what he wants to do what he will do. he says ignore it. she dosnt want that. but she dosnt want to loose her best friend. but his next words killed her. he said we could be friends with benifits. she answers no. no words are exchanged for weeks she lost him. what to do? help
Its that girl who dated that guy who threatened to kill us at school. That girl lives a quite life dosnt have many friends. She dosnt trust that many people after that guy. her life is miserable his dad works at her school he reminds her of the pain she went through of the three years of love ruined by that guy. i am that girl.
yesterday i set out with my bestfriend for her graduation party hungout with all of our close friends… night time came and i went to a party where i hoped id be meeting my boy, i was already mad at him for not getting ahold of me for a week and i find out hes with his two boys and 3 girls = instamadness. anyways he gets there to the party and im already a cup down of jungle juice we kinda talk nothing big… i decide to go pull him aside so we can talk he says no i dont feel like (looking at […]
My story begins in the 8th grade. It was the year 2008 and it was by far one of my worst years ever. My dog, Napoleon had died and nearly flunking out of school only added to my distress. Not surprisingly, it was also the same year I tried to run away from home. Luckily for my parents, I had no where to go so I returned quickly within about a day of leaving. The High School years of my life were a complete mess, leaving me with no direction, I spent most of my time wandering the hallways, lost and without purpose. I felt as […]
Yeah I didn’t think so. A lot of people who knew me on here aren’t on here anymore… Either facebook or email. And only two still talk to me. Probly because the two that I email I said goodbye for good. But I talk to 2 sp friends still. So I doubt I’m missed. Well I’m still here.
I woke up crying this morning. I dreamt that I ran into my daughter’s grandmother at the mall. Only she pretended not to see me. As I walked closer it became more obvious her attempt was to look directly at my face.  In my dream I remembered the letter I had just written and planned to tell her that she would be receiving it in the mail soon. Only didn’t say anything, but she looked at me all of the sudden as if I had. She began to laugh at me and ask me “if that was all†she looked to her friends beside her, […]
I don’t know who’s reading this and frankly I don’t need you to try to talk me out of killing myself , I’m done with life. I’m done with the system . Everything sucks and I have no reason to be alive . All this shit that is happening , all the crap . I’m done with it . I’m tired of living . Cutting doesn’t even help anymore . I’m just left with the scars , the painful reminders of how much life sucks . How should I go ? my thought right now is hanging but I wanna go quick and painless . […]
Just warning you I’m a bad author so
Well during the school year I was a loud, bubbly, never-cry-in-public, person. But since summer got out and I haven’t been around many people  I isolated myself from everything and I felt fuzzy about everything all the time, and I started thinking. and since then I’ve been a lot more sensitive and I would cry about nothing and I felt really weak. I always was the friend that talked with my friends about their problems and tried to help, but now I’m the friend that can barely pay attention in conversations in general. So everytime someone would call […]
I feel so confused… One minute I want to die, and the next I wish someone was here to tell me everything is going to be okay. I’m so unhappy with myself and I feel like such a failure. I know it’s all growing pains but I’ve felt so sad since I was in high school. I hate these hormones, or whatever is causing me to feel so sad. It’s a cycle. I can’t eat because I’m sad, and I feel sad because I don’t eat. I can’t make up my mind whether I want to live or die.
The boy I live with, whom I […]
i don’t know why i put up with everything everyday. i thought it was because i wanted to be strong for my niece and my family but sometimes i find that i don’t even feel anything towards them. i hate lying about my life to other people but i can’t tell them the truth. i know how many people love and care for me but it makes me feel bad because i don’t love them like i should. all i want is to be happy, to have a real smile on my face, and to be able to say i love you to someone and acutally mean it. […]
I didn’t realize how soon I’d be here with less light. That’s the way of it though, always has been. Perhaps I am a bit bipolar? Who knows? Who cares? Somehow this beautiful day has transformed. Somehow I managed to finally open the bottle of whiskey that’s been closed for months and crank up “Prayers for Rain” on repeat…for the last hour. It’s a great song, one of my favorites from The Cure. Some days though, some days it gets to me. Some days, like today it nudges the floodgates open. I’ve been writing for the last hour or so, I didn’t realize how much […]
I guess I should just put it out thereWhen I was 10 I was sexually abused although it wasn’t rape it has always haunted me. I told my mom Nd my stepfather but they didn’t believe me. Then my stepdad started sneaking into my room in the mornings when my mom would go to work. I guess you can figure what he did from there. I would pretend to be asleep so I could tell myself I wasn’t so disgusting enough to let him touch me in all my snsesz I never told m mom about that. It’s not as if she would believe me. […]