Sitting here, thinking about how sweet release from life would be fantastic right about now… But then I think about my girl and as much as we fight, she’s still the only thing keeping me from killing myself…

terrified

 sit and cry

wishin you would die

askin why?

 brain damaged, fried

 feelings concealed inside

heart has been stabbed with a knife

 unbearable pain,amplified

no reason to try

 lifes full of lies

 let out a sigh

 loosen your tie

 pop pills to get high

 anger burns within

 like a lighter thats been lit

 try to forget

 memories surpressed

 being hit,

wrists are slit

 hopeless, frantic fits

get dropped to the floor, sit

 seems simple to quit,

 love? not a  bit

4

I use to cut myself to make the pain go away and it worked, but I had to stop because people found out. It use to make me feel so tired that nothing would bother me because I was as low as I could get. I want to go back to it because then nothing would bother me. I mean when I was that low I still acted normal and no one knew the difference. I was doing okay for awhile but all the stuff I learned isn’t working anymore. What do I do because I don’t know if I can go back without people […]

Being ignored makes me want to die.

I just want to disappear into nothing, no one would even notice.

Can my tiny voice even be heard here?

Am I stupid for cutting myself? Am I weird because I want to die? I’m not one of those people that can talk freely to someone about all my problems, I’m would rather deal with it all myself… The other night, I had completely shredded my wrist in the shower, a couple days later my Mum saw them, and went off at me for it… I got the whole “This is bad Tamara, you need help, because your clearly not dealing with this… You need to go to a Shrink and deal with all this shit” speech… I know that she was probably just worried, […]

I hate having to put on a happy face everyday, so my friends don’t worry… But I don’t know why I care because, it’s not like I fit in… I’ve never really fit in though, so… Every day I go home and I fight with my self, because I know that if I pick up the razor, I won’t be able to stop… These days, not even my girlfriend can make the pain and tightness in my chest go away… I even learnt how to make a noose the other day… It’s the first time I’ve been this proud of myself in about […]

i just wanted to let you guys know that if you ever want to talk to someone; I’m here. I would actually like to get to know some of you. I’ve been reading posts all day and i feel like i can relate to almost all of yours. So um yeah… I hope some of you do talk to me.

I’m not good enough for ANYBODY. Not for family nor friends. NEVER. I can never satisfy anybody. I always do SOMETHING wrong. Fuck man, do you know how frustrating that is?! I just want to die; that way I won’t disappoint anybody. Yup, I should just kill myself! I don’t give 3 shits if that doesn’t make certain people happy. It makes ME happy. The thought of dying brings me so much fucking joy. If someone would go up to me and say “I’m going to kill you”, I would cry of happiness and worship that person. Thats what I want- to stop breathing. I […]

I’m so ready.

I want it over with.  Tonight.

But I’m a coward.

So I’ll slice myself apart, and go to sleep, and wake up and go to school and live my life even though more than anything, I want tonight to be my last.

There are people out there that are suicidal and “normal people” ( as in no depression or anxiety) don’t have a clue. It’s not hard to notice that someone is isolating themselves from the public eye. I myself am isolated, friends ask if I wanna do something and I make up an excuse. They know of my suicidal history but they don’t support. I’ve heard from many suicidal people that their friends do the same. Why do they do that? Friends say “I’m here for you no matter what” and “Don’t try to kill yourself I love you” but yet they don’t bother to ask […]

Been there.
Done that.
Will try.
But fail.
Recover.
And repeat.

Itz kinda funny i just found this out today from this website, I ordered a suicide ribbon three days ago, funny cuz it should be in my mail box tomorrow.. anyway, if u want a magnet ribbon, i can post the website, its 5 or 6 bucks

Ive started taking care of my business, things to do b4 i exit, and its going well, so idk how the fuck im going to die, ive tryed hangging 3 times but guess dont have the ambition for that method, damn, i need my gun bakk, anyway.. mabe charcol gas grill will be the way… Im 26 and i know the way im going, i wont make it till december.. il be dead by then.. but im making the best of my last days and look forward to death like never b4…

Everyday I just get more and more depressed. I feel like I don’t have anything happening in my life. All I do is go to school all day, come home and sleep, and then spend about 3 hours on homework. It feels like every time I wake up, it’s just ‘another day’ y’know? I feel like my life has become stagnant, it’s not going anywhere. I have a few friends at school, but I don’t feel like I really fit in anywhere, and I just miss my best friend who is now doing home school, and I know I shouldn’t even be complaining because I […]

I’m sitting here at my computer trying to figure out what I’m feeling. I’ve gotten so used to the pain, that i’m numb to it now. I really want to scream to the top of my lungs, but then people might hear me. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate myself. like actually hate myself. i want to end it all but the only thing that stops me is my little sister.

my name is Abi. 18 years old. I’m a *****.

every time i get close with a guy i get terrified for no fucking reason. I can’t commit. ever. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I want one sometimes but then i get too close and freak out. This has happened so many times and every guy it’s happened with ends up hating me and all their friends do. i feel broken. why cant i have a simple relationship without getting freaked out? why […]

Wow. Long title.

Fuck life, right?

I had such a good yet fucked up weekend, And I actually get this feeling that next week might, MIGHT, be okay.

It’s just a shame that not everyone can feel how i’m feeling. It’s sad, this world.

And now family. Yey for family. Who the fuck needs them? Because I don’t think I do… :/

Maybe I should just go? Like runaway, Maybe? I don’t know where I would go.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.

Things will be okay, Nat. They will… One way or another.

You can do this.

I guess you could consider this a rant, but I don’t go off emotionally sometimes and it sometimes isn’t one-sided. I dunno, this is the first I have ever posted my thoughts on the web (Or said them aloud to anyone) so I’m not too sure what people think.

The word love… The meaning of it has become so lost to me. Like if I hear or see it anywhere, it’s just a word that makes the sentence four letters longer or lengthens a conversation of sorts by a mere second (depending on how long you say it of course) This ‘word’ can’t really be used as […]

I …. loneliness hurts everywhere. Its a very interesting type of pain because it is not associated with a neuron receptive interaction. I just don’t have any friends. And not for a long time, I am not too sure why. Its hard because I don’t have money at all. I don’t ever have petrol money or money to phone anyone. I guess im just not a likable person. Oh I also suffer from bipolar disorder and a fairly rare form of demishia, add a dash of paranoia and low self esteem and … well … its not that im even sad , I don’t know […]

Apparently 10 September is Suicide prevention day. My timeline on facebook is full of phone numbers to suicide help lines (from Harry Potter groups no less)…  Does anyone other than me find the concept of a suicide help line a bit… funny?

I mean, what if the reason you want to die in the first  place is because you’re terrified of phones?

I’m just saying “what if”.

Not that i like phones.  Hate them, in fact.

The world is imperfect.