I have been reading here so I will explain why I want to go now.  About a year and a half ago my wife had her job transferred to another city.  As we own a condo and the market was very bad we could not sell.  So we lived separate for a while.  As my job was eliminated in May I thought it would now be a good time to go and be with my wife.   However something changed.  She hardly speaks to me and just last week said she wants a divorce.  This was such a shock as I thought we were so […]

Part 1 can be read by clicking my name and selecting part one. Summary wise part one was an account of early life into middle school. Who I was and how I was and what I went through and how I held up hope. This part two will be the same but from high school.

In 8th grade things were nearly on the line. I was by this time seeing a paid therapist who seemed like she was listening but she wasn’t And when I reached 10th grade her doctor friend (who was a beauty) who gave me zoloft and kept a careful eye on me […]

So my 20th birthday was a few days ago and things looked like they were starting to get better. Wasn’t feeling depressed, as much, and looking forward to a new college course which starts on the 27th of August. Also got back into football (soccer) and even got invited to join a couple of teams after impressing in a game. Well, I played in a game tonight and I was awful! Got beat 3-1 and all 3 goals were my fault. I’m a goalkeeper by the way. Doubt I’ll get asked back. Birthday night out was rubbish aswell! Basically people used it as an excuse […]

I recently found out that I will no longer be eligible for financial aid very soon.  It doesn’t matter that I got straight A’s last semester; it is because of how many credit hours I have attempted without getting a major, apparently.  I changed my major a few times and had a few rough semesters, and now that I am truly passionate about my work they are going to cut me off.  Funny, huh?  So as of today it seems as well as having no friends, no life, and no money, I have no future.  I will never finish college.  And I am doubtful I […]

I finally feel okay. For once in my life I don’t feel like the world is against me. I don’t feel happy as such but I am okay. Will this last? Or is it just today? Does this mean I could be getting better from my depression?

I know most of you feel that you can’t make a difference in the world.  We all feel that way from time to time.   One thing we do all have is the freedom to do many of the things we want and need to do.  Some are not so fortunate and I am asking a favor of all of you who read this to sign a petition to demand the state of California to release a man from prison that has been found “not guilty” of his crime.  He’s already served 12 YEARS for something he is innocent of, yet still remains in custody.

http://www.change.org/petitions/release-daniel-larsen-ruled-innocent?utm_source=action_alert&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=9605&alert_id=yilDLHVfTF_bKpfSgFvKX

http://www.youtube.com/watch?vj=6_5D4y6xoo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I’ve had the best life before, everything i ever wanted, was so good, A loving man, New car, New condo, Great job and people who love me, But that changed so really my time is done here, I just waiting for the right moment and the right way to go, Damn this feels so good! Anyway, my ex could be coming back to my lofe, we we together 4 years, hes so amazing, but i live in Ga now and hes in FL. So anyway, my point is, yes weve all been through rough times, and sometimes is not worth going on living, but you […]

last night i lost two of my patiens.. One girl jumped from 8th floor, another jumped from 9th floor. Well, i’m saying i lost both of them because first one doesnt has so many hopes to survive. Just 1 floor different and it’s that thin line from death. First one survived.. We took her from ground with all bones broken, all organs exploded, but… alive. As far as i know she’s in neurosurgeons hands. Second one lost job.. and didnt find new one.. so 9th floor – totally dead. One floor – one sure.

All im saying, what if those people could be taken for example […]

So I had a meeting with the mental health team in June 2011 then a meeting with the Head Shrink in December 2011 the next? August 2012 which was postponed still waiting! Do they really care? Of course not what a waste of space they are how about doing it in front of their office? That would be good then they could have a seriuos case review and learn the lessons from my case!!

A genuine request anyone especially in the UK that I can talk to? It would be nice to talk to someone who has been there who understands, what is real? Good or bad I am really struggling to understand. Time to finish or struggle on and why? The negs I get at home even the weather is my fault! Nothing but nothing that I do will ever be good enough so why bother?

I hate being so close to leaving all of my pain behind and then randomly backing out of it… i wish i could stop being such a chicken…

when I’m really considering doing it (off depression this time),

people I haven’t talked to in months randomly PM me (they don’t know I think of suicide) or I’ll meet people I haven’t seen in months/years on the streets

maybe we’re all connected after all .. too bad it no longer means much to me

I’m starting to believe that if I go through with it, it will actually work .. free as a fucking bird

no more room for doubt .. I gotta clear my mind of beliefs that would compromise self-imposed deliverance

Things have reached a climax today, its 20:50 in London. I know for sure I don’t have the resources to pull things back. If anyone realise how bad I am they will have me sectioned and I would rather die than be sectioned again. So midnight tonight I end it

then free I will be

death is the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone who doesn’t accept this world the way  it is

to anyone who doesn’t want to play by dirty rules

to anyone who wants to be him/herself without paying the price for it (hostile behavior from the sheeple, feelings of alienation, homelessness etc)

to anyone who doesn’t want to serve humanity nor God

to anyone who doesn’t want to be talked or drugged into enjoying being here

to anyone who’s eager to no longer be a part of the human species

to anyone who desires to be free above anything else

so yeah, FUCK your pro-life arguments .. […]

The days for me are far too long
I am weak and you are strong.
My sadness hidden with all the shame
You and I are not the same.
As the sun rises you clap your hands
All I do is breathe and stand
As I awake from my exit,
And wonder why it did not fix it.
I close my eyes
Imagine a place
Where loved ones lost are face to face
The days for me are far too long
All energy is long but gone.
So I take the pain away
With the medicine the doctor gave.
My heart slows down
The pumping […]

Just want to get this of my chest, i am suicidal, have been for about 6 months now. Feels like im grasping at straws here.

This is the story. I grew up in a home with alot of conflict and negative energy, but also with alot of love and care. There where specially one very grave voilent episode when i was a child, and also other incidentes, but not of so grave character. Dispait of this me and my siblings grew up and did very good in school and sports, but i don´t think any of us was and still are (naturally) unaffected by the nature […]

so the summer of my 19th year has come to the climax of failing half my first year exams and continuing to fuck up during the holiday that followed, so it’s unlikely I’ll make it back to university, precipitating the major crash and burn i’ve had coming for a while i suppose

i’ve recently overdosed on ecstasy a few times, taken some desperate nights out in cities far from home and with strangers and just generally been ‘that guy’.. i did have close friends, but along with a sane home life it’s all just disintegrated and basically i’m half working to pass my exams to get […]

idk. the guilt of leaving but the pain of living..idk what to do..stay or leave….