some know me – others do not … many think i’m funny or smart or wise and others think i’m a meddling old lecherous fool … but I think most would say that i at least try to stay positive at all costs and that i try to be helpful – whether i am or not.

but – today i’m in pain – real, physical pain – i have it every day – some days bad some days not so much … but today – seem particularly bad – don’t know why – but it is – literally breathtakingly bad.

the point to this is nothing really other than […]

A noose tide tight
In a room with no light
I wear my suit of dress blues
Already shined my shoes
Its who I am, it’s how I lived
It’s how I’ll die, and I really am
My mind is so faded I cant tell time
This is the end of the line
Take a step off the bed
Or fill my self with lead
It doesn’t make a difference
as long as I’m dead
Unless someone has a reason why

Oliver, Barnabas,Isabelle,Charlotte,Matthew,Music.
the guilt if hurting my mum. the guilt of hurting everyone. (i did get past that at one point but its back again)
my promise.
my progress.
things i cant put into words, but theres just this pull inside me, to not die.

i will make it through today.i will not cut.i will not OD, i will live. i WILL. if i have to spend the whole day plotting revenge so i can stay alive i will. this day will have a point. this day will not be spent in a haze of numbness. flip if only you could buy a good life […]

I just took over 100 prescription pills. Yay for me… I don’t know if I’m scared or happy. I never thought I would do it, that’s for sure. I was really scared and was going to call someone but I didn’t want to be an attention seeker. Now you say, that’s not attention seeking. But really think about it. I have some pills infront of me and I go whining to someone to tell me not to do it. It just looks like I’ve put them infront of me to, well, seek attention. Iv’e thrown up twice. I took them about 5 minutes ago. I hope this works, […]

Everyone has a fear. Whether it’s spiders, the dark, loneliness or something else, everyone is the same. I’m different though. Yes I have these small fears, but my greatest fears are ones that no one seem to understand, humans and myself. The human fear is quite simple really. Just like having a bad experience with something worth fearing, a large number of humans that I know (including my so called “loved ones”) have all done stuff to make me feel like I can’t trust them and some have even pushed as far as to make me fear all humanity. Sure I go out with people […]

I think the worst thing ever is when people say other people commit or attempt suicide are selfish and cowards, and above all else, that they do it for attention.

Today, I checked my inbox on youtube seeing someone replied to my comment on How To Save A Life. This guy said , and I quote, “go fuck yourself in hell mother fucker. you talk to me about retards killing themselfs? only because they got bullied in school? or perhaps because their mother didn’t buy them an expensive gift? those shitheads deserve to die. and wtf?.. you say you lost people because of what? suicide? are […]

My guilt is running away. My guilt is that I am too late to apologize for my actions.

I’m just too afraid to stand on my own; to stand up towards my fears.

I know that I am a coward.

This time the new surrounds me.

Closing in

Wanting to run

Wanting to fight

Wanting to not cry again.

I pinch myself to wake up

I pinch myself to come out

I even counted

But when I opened my eyes

All I could see are there faces around again.

Calling by my first name

Calling me by my nickname

If mother found out

She would have asked so many questions

And I wouldn’t reply.

I’ll just sit there like a dumb ass again.

Fearing for another history repeat

BTW was sleepying on the bathroom floor.

Just closed my eyes for a bit

and then I was sitting on top of a tree.

Cradeling myself

Remembering the places I used to have gone with certain people.

Climbed down […]

My friend saw this website open on my laptop. He turns to me Lysie you know I love you right. I smile and nod. I do love you. I know. he continues on with I’ll hafta kill you if you kill yourself. I tell him I know don’t worry I’m fine. I wont try to kill myself. I hate lying to his face because on the inside I’m screaming from pain. I love him too and I don’t want to disappoint him.

will someone please just talk me into killing myself? tell me it’s the right this to do, tell me that since ive been doing it forever it’ll be a great solution.

So I’ve been sitting here at work talking to one of the nurses which is my inspiration with all this. She’s the one who has referred me to the hospital an hour away. (Her son went there) She got a med book out and started looking up warnings and precautions to medications. To tell a little more about myself… when I was a yr and half old I had a high fever which caused a scar tissue on my brain which in return caused me to have really bad seizures. In 2006 I had brain surgery to remove the scar tissue… which I have not […]

Long time reader, first time posting. I’ve been contemplating suicide for years now. Probably around the age of 7, I had tried to choke myself to death via a dress string in the bathroom of a relatives. I’m 18 now. For about 13 years my mother has verbally abused me. I was never able to handle the stress of being yelled at for my wrong doings, and would break down crying as I still do now. My mother insults the way that I look and dress, witch is normal, I’m 5’6 and weight 150 pounds. I’m actually quite attractive, in my own opinion and dress and act […]

I’m going to kill myself. I’m going to take 34 Prazosin pills that are 25 mg each. So that equals about 850 mg and 10 shots of rum… i hope that’ll do it… I’ll just PTFO then never wake up :/ and i will add a few hydroxyzine

My names katie, im thirteen. im your typical awkward, weird, and complicated girl . no one takes me seriously . im some kind of fucking stupid joke to people … according to my pierce im a “fake”, “whore”, “stupid”, “spazz” “ugly” “wannabe, etc. the list goes on. people judge me to fucking much. i try to be nice but apperently im a *****. maybe i am. ok. i am a *****. i dont mean to be.. and i fucking hate myself for that. i think my boyfriend just dumped me because “im too complicated” . i dont mean to be … i dont mean to […]

so I was recently sick I had lost so much weight it actually made me feel great of course I was sick and I couldn’t do a thing and I had to haveathlete surgeries but I was finally skin but people actually noticed and loved the new me so did I actually but ten I started gaining it all back on top of all of it I’m battling depression so knowing I’m fat again didn’t sit well with me do I started cutting myself which worked then but I’m now currently battling the urge to kill myself I really want to but then I chicken […]

For the past ten years i have been struggling with depression. i don’t know when the suicidal thoughts began… i felt so alone like no one could understand what i felt the way i felt it. i could not tell anyone how i felt up until two or three years ago. and even then, nothing changed for the better for me. i always wanted everything bad to stop. all the yelling, all the drinking and drugs… everything gone. i hated the way that everyone seemed oblivious to the pain i felt and it seemed like they didn’t care enough about me to even stop and […]

I hate making decisions. And i have to decide on something really soon that can help me or might cause more damage than whats already done… i feel like no matter what decision i make someone will be over my shoulder… judging my decision.

i wish i had anything on hand to off myself right now i just cant take it anymore. sadly i dont:/

so i’ve heard that there are good people in the world. and i have this stepfather who is generally an angel. but he’s, i would suppose, human. human in that-

somewhere, deep down, when nobody’s looking, people are petty, blind, stupid, immature, ingenuine, farcical, prejudiced, lying, selfish, ungrateful, sex-driven, etc. in some way

and i just can’t stand being surrounded by all of it. for some reason i suspect everybody of having these ugly sides. i’m all of the above too. and for some reason i just can’t stand that this is the world we live in. i usually ignore it but today it just drove me […]

I always hate people who are hypocrite..

I hate them because i think they’re weak..

they’re weak because they go against their personality to please others..

But in reality, I hate hypocrite people because I am one..

I am weak and i hate it.