I have put all my affairs in order, and written the letters. I have 200 cocodamol a litre of vodka and my sleeping pills. I am sorry that i have to do this but i have no option. My life means nothing anymore, only god can help me now. This is not a cry for help believe me i have had help ut all they do is try and put things in boxes, or its time to let go. I have had enough of all that my soon to be ex will one day realize just how much i loved her, i am not doing […]
Dedicated to anyone who thinks about it- I understand- but it is not the answer.
I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.
Walking outside I water the just planted begonias, knowing full well once I leave they will die; much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. […]
so tired…. living a dull and boring life…
not only that, even after having fun with friends and doing other fun stuffs, the excitement won’t last, only an hour after, keep reverting to my suicidal state
anyone here knows how to hibernate? I want to hibernate and wake up when amazing events started, like war or zombie apocalypse
or anyone knows how to create secondary personality? I want to delegate my boring life to him, and take over when amazing events started, like war or zombie apocalypse
Looking in the mirror is often a strange experience for me. When I look in the mirror, I don’t usually hate what I see. I don’t have too many insecurities and I usually like my features and my long, curly hair. The problem is, I’m never sure what else I’ll see when I look at my reflection. There are times when I look at my face and I look so scarily like somebody else and it shocks me that no one else can see it. I’m permanently exhausted, as you can tell from the hollowness below my eyes. My lips refuse to twitch into an unreal […]
ok WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? for the past freaking week right before i wake up i have this dream that im very pale and frail (opposite of reality) and im just falling in this white hole that is eternal but its not just white there is also splattered blood around me and all over my hands and clothes? then right before i wake up i hear my boyfriend’s voice then i awake in a huge silent house full of sleeping people so now im awake. What Would This Dream Mean???
Sick of being controlled by my boyfriend, I just want to do what I want to do sometimes, without being judged or questioned or told not to. Fuck.
im dyslexic so some of my writing may read oddly. i am planning on taking my life.  i am female mid twenties and have been through the exhausting trial and error of meds ,GPs and counselors. my real issue is social exclusion and bullying. i m an easy target since i m painfully shy , unattractive , and i  am almost incapable of smiling, and being able to talk with flow and interest. i was a mute child and i find social situations very difficult. the only work i can get is retail , this is traumatic for me as talking to some difficult people can lead me with shakes, sweats , and  exstream anxiety. i am probably branded […]
I feel like I’m waiting but I’m not sure what I’m waiting for.
~The Raven~
Dedictated To Storm
(Espen Andersen – Strid)
RIP
The Angelic Process – Million Year Summer
There is a Raven caged within my breast,
But what his name, there is no breast shall know
Save mine, nor what it is that drives him so,
upward & downward, in relentless quest —
That silent rage, baffled but […]
I have a recurring dream in the morning, just before I wake up. I dream getting my head severed from my neck right in my own bed. There is no blood, just my head cut away. Sometimes I can see it (in third person) dropping in a wicker basket just near my bed. I dream it almost every morning now.
I read about all these teenagers and people in their early 20s feeling suicidal. I remember being in that age group and feeling the same way. Hope always got me through. Now I’m 51. I’m single. Nothing to show for my life except that I’ve survived. That’s my accomplishment. I still feel like giving up. Every day. Themes such as ‘hope’ and ‘potential’ don’t mean as much once you cross into your 50s. I used to think that one day I would meet a girl and we would fall in love have a great life together with children and family trips and I would be […]
It makes me sick to my stomach what people do to animals.
If I had a say anyone who ever hurt an aminal would be dead.
I come from a pretty good family. My father is dead but it seems normal to me. I have a car, I’m in college, I will always have a place to stay and enough money to make it through school comfortably. I’ve cut myself before, it was when I was in Iraq. I wasn’t happy, it wasn’t the whole “war” bothering me, it was the people. I don’t like being a girl. I feel out of place. The Army doesn’t care. It was a hard year for me. I’m 24 and I’m staying with my mom until I finish college. She’s nice. Buys me what […]
Just when i needed people the most, they all just stepped back.. at the same time nonetheless. I can’t fix this, and it really feels like everyone just expects me to snap out of it. My kids are keeping here, but the torture and torment inside my head has become almost constant. It would be very easy to just give in to the thoughts but i can’t help but fight it and that’s what makes it worse. If i let the paranoia take over, I just wouldn’t allow anyone around me. but there’s this part of me that yearns for understanding. Someone who will try […]
So I found something of mines from about a year or two ago and I decided to put it up on here. Everyone puts up the troubles they’ve been through and I’d like to share what I’ve written back then and maybe when later on, if I make it through with life, I could look back to my posts. Anyways, this was made around 2010 or ’11. This was for my friend, who was also facing depression like me and we both promised we wouldn’t do anything horrible to each other. I felt like I failed her and that she wouldn’t ever forgive me, surprisingly […]
He’s in the process of breaking my heart. Its been over a year, and I love him more than anything but for every high there is a low.
I never hurt myself before you, and now I’m looking for ways to cover up cuts. I know, pathetic.
I was walking home along the road yesterday looking at every car that passes as an opportunity to no longer feel this way.
We’re still together, but need time apart? I feel like I’m gonna lose you to someone else, and I know that you don’t even treat me right half the time so why am I so […]
I’m a christian. I love God with all my being, but i always wonder to myself why I’m here. My life is a miserable wreck. I’m fat and ugly. I’m not “popular”. I have almost no friends. My family is way messed up. My Dad doesn’t give a crap about me and my step mom is a snobby psycho. My sister is moved in with us for reasons I have no right to explain. My sisters daughter is everything I’m not and makes me feel jealous everyday, my little brother is a major douche bag and is probably going to end up caught […]
Ive felt like killing myself for so long now. I thought I was fine for a little bit but what do ya know…. I’m back. I hate almost everything. No one answers or talks to me. My dad is all the time asking and saying hurtful things “you have any friends son?” “you gay or something?!” “when you gonna get a girl friend?” just things of the sort and it dosnt help at all. My brother used to call me adopted when I was little. I know he was kidding and just being how a lot of big brothers are. But I really wish I […]
Mom I wish I did more for you I wish there was something that i could have done to make you stop. That. Night I came home and saw you drink for the first time and instead of being scared I wish I could have made you to stop. If there was anything that I could have done I regret not doing. I feel like failed you I feel like I was not the daughter you deserved to have. I hate myself for doing what you needed to get better. I should be dead and you should still be alive. You should have that house […]