Im just done. I tried being the nice guy. I did all the right things, said all the right bs, all to make everyone else happy. But you know what? I’m not happy. It ate away at me, piece by piece, until the only thing left was a walking corpse with my face. Every lie I told to keep everyone else safe. Taking all the blame, all the abuse and ridicule, all the punishment. I can’t do it anymore. Recovery is a lie that posterboys preach, a lie I’m done believing in. I’m depressed. I’m done trying to escape it, trying to treat it, trying […]
I woke up this morning to a text on my phone, it was from my little sister. She’s 13 and I am almost 17. The text read “Helllo & good morning! 😀 have a great day at school nevada! Don’t forget to leave Tina out! Love you!” (Tina is our dog and nevada is my nickname) Usually I take her to school, but on Wednesdays the high school starts later so we don’t get to see each other in the morning. Upon reading this text I realized I am doing something right. That little girl loves me with all her heart. She is not my […]
Today I told my mother I was depressed and, at times, suicidal. About 5 years ago my father committed suicide, throwing himself off of the roof of his office building. My family was and still is devistated. A few years ago one of my best friends hung himself. I have had many issues with close friends and girlfriends rejecting me after getting to know me. My family is not very open about their feelings and myself being the only male makes it very hard for me to talk about this stuff.
I was 17 when my father left. I am now 23 and have been feeling […]
I feel like this everyday. I am young, and I admit, attractive. People love me and try to help. I am a piece of shit as a person. I have issues keeping relationships. I constantly think about killing myself. There is one reason that I haven’t. I don’t want to hurt anymore people than i have. My mom asked me what I wanted today. I was about to say that I want to die. Intead, I told her that I just want to get better. It’s true but I’ve lost hope.
I’m ready to die, just have a few things to do before i make it happen. update the will, pay a few bills etc. Figure i have about a month to 2 months. have felt like this for about 30 years and it’s getting worse. I’m 52, have a totally meaningless, depressing life, no wife, kids or anything like that. have always felt like i didn’t fit in anywhere. have a little time on my hands while i’m making the final arrangements, so what the hell. just another useless person in this wasteland of a society.
I feel like dying or running away somewhere far away from everything. My mom thinks am fine the world thinks am fine. But am dying inside. I just feel numb. I dont have anymore tears. I am alone. And really i just want to die. I want to stop breathing, stop my heart from beating, and just stop trying. FML!
http://eve3.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/characteristics-of-the-gifted/
you may be smarter than you would have ever imagined
I’m exhausted in the truest sense of the word. I’m 34 years old and life continues to not work out.
I listened to the incoherent ramblings of others when I was a child that said “If you work really hard and develop a skill, good things will happen”. No. They don’t.
I know that a lot of depressives claim to be in a unique situation, a chronically unique situation in fact, but my story has features that I don’t see all that often.
I was raised in a fairly restrictive mind control religious cult. That fact is neither here nor there as I sensed early on that something […]
Hey here! It’s been a long time i wasnt here 🙂 Was pretty busy.
Anyway, talking about suiciding..
It was a beautiful first warm day a week before. We got a call that 56 years Female Intoxicated by Drugs.
Blue lights. Sirene. Speed. Running….
On the way i am wondering – is it worth to risk my own life (speed, traffic, cars, bridge) to help a suicider?! It is i guess.. you never know when 2nd chance helps!
We run to call and found he collapsed on the floor. Made her conscious and asked what happened. She was a nice lady… in nice flat.. with nice family… anyway, she said […]
Hello people…
well… I’ve been depressed for about 4 years. It’s been 3 years now that I am an almost-graduated-economist. I just can’t finish my monograph, which is the last thing I have to do to get the diploma.
I am 25 now. My parents still support me financially. I am from a middle class family that could give me a good life. I studied in a good private school for elementary and high schools, which is expensive here in Brazil (public schools are shit). I was a relatively good student and could, then, go to a public university to study economics. If I was not in […]
It was June 13th, 2011. The first monday of summer vacation. My parents had both left for work, and I was babysitting my 10-year-old brother Gibson. It wasn’t much of a task, all he did was ignore me and play games on the computor. He didn’t notice. He didn’t notice his big sister take the jug of apple juice to her room, take out her stash of 40 Midol, and take every last one.
I tried to take a nap, hoping I’d never wake up, just sleep through the dying process. But god, it was impossible to sleep. I walked around for a few hours, writing […]
Tapyad, the pet turtle popped his head out of his shell after awakening from a nice recharging sleep, where he dreamt of beating his pal bunnetreceit, the hare, in a race, which he did. Tapyad the turtle was disappointed that this was only a dream. Then he smelt some fresh lettuce that franklin, his owner put inside his cage. Tapyad was so distracted by the lettuce he completely forgot about his dream.
He decided to eat all the lettuce. So he did. Then he got thirsty, so he drank some water. Then he thought about the dream again and said *sigh*
“what can y’do” (in turtle language) […]
Deep inside, where nothing’s fine, I lost my mind, You’re not invited, so step aside….
So guess what?!… i’m feeling depressed. :/
Sorry about that, you were probably expecting some great, amazing news from a well loved and appreciated person, instead you got me. And all I do is complain about how much I hate my life when somewhere in the world there is a kid wishing he/she could be me. I don’t deserve this life… I’m just going to fuck it up, and already have. I’m only 15 and have already fucked it up. I should just leave. Either the permanant way or just gather my things and walk out of the door. I don’t want to stay here, really. […]
Time tick tocks away, I wish it would freeze till I sort out things, as I panick with frustration, So much work to do, so many things on my mind. I don’t know what I should be doing. I have so much cyber school work, im so behind and I feel screwed, like I am doing very well, but I’m behind and preoccupied with bigger worries , that are actually irrational but I am so paranoid with guilt.
My one and only friend wish I secretly wish would disappear (not die, just move away or something). I honestly feel so uncomfortable around her because I haven’t […]
Well, I don´t know what´s wrong with me, I feel heavy and lazy, like If I wouldn´t want to do anything, just die. All started because I lost my job and now I feel Like I don´t want to work any more. I have chances to start working but I have rejected by making up excuses. I feel That these last years I have lived in a way I have never wanted. I haven´t had what I had wanted. I thought I was smarter now I feel stupid. Anyway In these days  I have been thinking about ending up my life. I am about to […]
I’m very ready to leave; it’s a conscious decision. I’m not sad about broken dreams or failures or lost loves; simply bored and tired and nihilistic and misanthropic. I was watching Wrath of the Titans last night and when Hades started whining about how humans get to go on to the afterlife but it’s just non-existence for gods. Fuck, that’s what I crave, absolute nothing. It brought a smile to my face, thinking of void in that brief instant.
I could do it today, but the only thing holding me back is my brother. As I said, I have no good reason to leave; I don’t […]
Tired of everything!! 4 years ago my life was great had friends a home and finances were good but then parents lost their jobs. Lost my home, my friends and my self respect……. Ever since then I have moved a total of 6 times and each time the reason for moving again is because of the shortage of money. I was kicked out of school because we couldn’t afford it and missed out 2 years of education, now I back at school trying my best and I can cope with any of it, I’m failing at every corner!! One good thing happened to me……..one year […]
I’ve messed up yet again. I dont understand why I always do everything wrong. I’m not thát stupid, I know that. I guess I am semi-smart. So why do I always fail everything? I actually wish I was just an ordinary retard, I could just follow a meaningless education (or none, whatever) and there wouldnt be any expetations. I dropped yet another class and my mom just thinks I hardly have school. I just cant do everything. Or anything. I can barely wrap my brain around 1 assignment and because I’m so afraid I will fail again I just cant seem to make any progress. […]
I’ve started out with a terrible life. When I was 2 my real dad tried murdering me. When I was three he choked me to death but the emt brought me to life again. I wish I could of just died then so I wouldn’t have to go thru this pain any longer. My lifes falling apart at the seams again…. I’m 14 and tried suicide 5 times! But each time at the end when I’m about to die someone saves me even when I try fighting them. At this exact moment I feel unwated unloved and depressed. I’m thinking of suicide because who would […]
Times are getting tougher….
They snipped out semesters from the college I’m going to because of budget cuts. I can’t find a job in this f*cked up economy. I’m 21 years old and still living with my parents. I feel so ashamed because I can’t find a job or other school where I can finish getting my degree. F*cking economy. I have no idea what to do with my life anymore… I just want to end it. I just want someone to kill me. I just feel so useless…………