I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
hi megan its me tiara i recently got it into my head to starve and dehydrate myself the words sheer will and determination ring clear to my ears and by monday itll be day four im tired of everybody failing to help me if im still here by day five ill give this whole thing up if not see ya
That’s it. I said I’d wait a month before I made a decision, and I did just that. But now the time has come and the decision has been made. No more strings attached. No more saying goodbye and no more lies.
I have the date and, my method is a sure fire. I can’t afford to screw it up this time around. Besides I doubt I’ll get another chance like this…i hope the people around me who actually gave a damn can forgive me one day, but i figure that I’m doing them more of a favor this way then by sticking around. I’m not […]
I won’t get into semantics,just wasted more time on the hotline…the volunteer acted appalled that I suggested long term depression was the mental equivalent to end stage cancer…anyone else agree? No thetes no biological basis for suffering but its just as poisonous and just as fatal….
Each day I get closer,and a little more courage. thankfully i found two new pro suicide forums to vent a little more explicitly lol,not that this hasn’t been fun,too.
I’m screwed up and I’m broken and I don’t know how or why I came to be like this. Nothing horrible has ever happened to me and from the outside, I have a perfect life.
But somehow, I am not normal. I am steadily going completely insane and nobody has noticed, because I keep it from them. I hide my craziness because I shouldn’t have it. I don’t deserve it.
It doesn’t make logical sense for me to feel this way, but still I know that I’m screwed up. Completely and utterly fucked up and insane.
I’m too many contradictions. I don’t make sense. I can’t even explain […]
i haven’t been happy in so long.. i can’t even remember the last time i smiled. this girl keeps running through my mind her names kaylee. she told me to leave her a lone because i pretty much went crazy, i didn’t want to lose her but i did anyways and everyday i regret on me being so stupid and not listening to her. she told me to leave her a lone but it hurt so bad for her saying that to me, i just wanted to keep talking to her. i wanted everything to be how it was when i first met her. we […]
When you look up at me
Can you not see
This love hiding shamefully
Behind my painted face
Emptiness I embrace
I see your heart braking
I try to stop shaking
But you don’t know what you’re taking
From me
These years slowly passing
And I am just guessing
That soon I’ll be watching
This all from above
I won’t yearn for my home
Because I’ve been shown
That death is all I want
I’ll have peace and rest
Nothing to protest
Nothing to deplore
But I’d give it all up
I’d suffer through this dump
Because I’ll miss you more
But I am so broken
You are destined
For […]
I’ve been depressed for years and I@m starting to realise that it’s because i never felt loved growing up. My brohter bullied me by beating me and puttin gme down and making me feel like a loser all the time. He raped me when I was 9 years old. The problem is so complicated though because I never felt like I could go to my parents because they never seemed to give a sh*t about me… I loved them and my brother so much but they just treated me like dirt. When my parents split up, my dad just moved out and didn’t even think […]
I’ve chosen a day. This time I will not fail. I am happy. School will have just ended and I wouldn’t have seen any of my “friends” over the summer either. So no one will know. Only the essential family. I will disappear. Like I’d never been alive. So perfect.
I am anxious for June 1st, but I recognize that wishing it were here already is just going to irritate me. So I’m going to try and live as carefree as possible a life for the next month and a half. Anyways, my question is: Does anyone have any suggestions for me before I go? Things […]
I would like to think myself a normal girl.
I know how to be happy, and I have been, and I know it’s possible to be again. I just don’t know when.
I go through cycles, every time I’m heartbroken, I try to take my life. I quite possibly do have borderline personality disorder.
The last heartbreak was half a year ago, and I can’t seem to get over it.
This time it’s different. I don’t think I want to recover. I don’t want to be heartbroken now, and I don’t ever want to be heartbroken again.
I can’t handle it.
I’ve overdosed 4 times already, been hospitalized 6 times in […]
I have been planning for months. I told my friends and they don’t believe me. I told my therapist and she thinks I should go on medication. I have borderline personality disorder and ever since I have been diagnosed with it it has made me feel even worse. I never wanted an excuse. I don’t want to know the reasons why I act. I don’t want to realize that it’s my fault everyone has left me. So I’m done. I’m going to buy a couple bottles or boxes of pills from several stores so they can’t restrict what I buy. I’ll get alcohol from guys […]
In Othello, Desdemona is smothered by her lover, Othello. Throughout the past year I’ve been telling myself I could never do that to you(I could never do that, physically, to you). However, it dawns on me that my pounding on your door when you needed space was in fact me smothering you. I am smothering you now just by sending you this letter. I am so sorry for this, for everything.
Bronte said it best between Jane Erye and Rochester: There is something inexplicable beneath my left ribs that was once connected to you in a similar fashion; but that connection has been severed and now […]
I cut on my legs because I don’t have pets to blame for any wrist scars.
My roommate saw my thighs. She thought they were stretchmarks.
“I have them too,” she sighed, “and they’re hard to get rid of.”
A lot of things are hard to get rid of.
I hate it when people say suicide is selfish. People that I thought I could trust say suicide is selfish, cowardly and wrong. I don’t know why I call them back, I don’t know why I answer their questions and I don’t know how much longer I can fake this happiness. Sometimes I fantasize while I’m laying down, I get up grab a noose and hang myself. Other times I fantasize grabbing that gun and shooting myself. Lately I’ve been feeling really suicidal, I watched people jump from the Golden Gate bridge and boy was it amazing. No one has a right to tell me […]
Interesting video. Thanks for being honest and clear in this one. I understand what your saying when you say you have lost your power.
I think you believe power tis what ever you held dear, It was the reason you went to work, the reason you brush your teeth, the reason you lived for.
Now what every that power was has been either taken away or you lost it some how. Either way you believe it is gone. And the only person who can tell you what to believe is power is you. We all hold different things in our hearts. It because of that i dont […]
Everything I touch I taint. Everything I do I botch. Everyone I know I hurt. I’m in pain almost all the time and because I’m in pain I feel a perverse need to inflict that pain on everyone else; my friends, my family and even my pets. I’m suffering and because of that suffering I have to make everyone I love, value and care for suffer as well. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right but I honestly can’t help it I’ve become the sort of person I despise. I have interests that I take great pleasure in and which help to pass the time; collecting […]
You swim for miles in every which direction. All seems bleak. Then, whether it be a pack of whales or dolphins or whatever, your amazement of having viewed that event gives you pause and a second wind.
That’s all I been doing, is pushing people away from me. I feel is best if no one was near me. Im so negative and I feel like if their people around me, they would be negative too. I feel so empty and alone, I just want to be by myself. I’m trying to be good and not cut nor take cold medicine. Is getting so hard! I’m just an invisable person…
 Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there’s a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can’t see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you’ll see, you’ll see
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
’cause the pain you’ve been feeling,
can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, nd just […]
I don’t really know what i expect to happen from doing this. I guess i just needed to find somewhere to let my thoughts be known before they just became to much to stand. I want to die, sometimes i think i know why other times i don’t. I’m not even sure how it started up, i guess at first i kept having dreams and fantasies of me being killed in an accident and it started to slowly get closer and closer to where i am now. I never want to hang out with friends, i can never live up to either my genius brother […]