so…. Today I stayed with behind to talk to Mr Gregory, a popular venting choice of mine.
Anyways I told him about being suicidal and my intended plans…. Naturally he told me not to do it, and he went through what might happen once I had gone through with my plans.
Why does everything he says always makes perfect sense….
I still feel like going through with it, i only know a few things about my final choices.
Date: Monday 23rd January 2012 .
Time: I don’t know….
Method: Again, I don’t know….
I just know that I want this all to be over, I […]
I want to get new pills because none of them seem to even work anymore i still feel depressed and i still have bad suicidal thoughts i want new pills or to just be taken off them all together
well the title says it all… today is a bad day for me….
its my ex boyfriend birthday, (hopefully everyone know already that we HAD to break up 🙁 )
2 weeks ago we broke up.
and if we were still together today would been 1 month,,
I’m just so lonely.. i would talk to the only person who actually can make me smile now a days, but sadly he is at school… i have finals this week so i get to take a test then go home….
i still don’t know what to do.. people say i should let go of my ex and move on… […]
I’m scared I’m going to lose the only thing that I love. The only thing I live for..
It’s like she’s slipping away and I can’t stop her from leaving me. I had a major freak out last night and cried till my lungs hurt. I can’t live like this knowing that my best friend/girlfriend  can just leave me alone and hurt at any time. I know she’s going to hurt me in the end. It’s sick. I’m sick.
All I want to do is die before she or anyone else can hurt me.
Something I wrote years ago expressing my only real goal. I was raised southern baptist. And while most people fell on their knees and bowed to god I wanted to be one. And I read some of the Torah, Quran, a lot on Buddha, the Hindu deities, Shinto etc. I figured that I’d wipe the slate clean and just give all beings the chance to create their own universe to their own liking and they could be free to interact or not as they will. None of this forced acquiescence and forced submission that currently exists. If so many ideals, rules, expectations, mores, traditions, religions, […]
This has the potential to break me. My world is caving in and I am powerless, all i can do is watch.
I am falling apart and I want to die.
i dont know who i am. i feel like the awkward girl who cant make friends. i feel like a loser. ive lost my self confidence and self esteem. i have nothing going for me. everyday i question myself and ask why did this have to happen to me? why was i made like this or put into such a cold world? those questions will never get answered..i miss having my family together. i miss being the good girl i use to be. now every weekend i want to drink and get drunk all the time. deep down i know i am a good person. […]
the thought of falling asleep forever comforts my body. i despise to live and go to school with these emotions building upon me. my mother left two years ago and my boyfriend broke up with me last night. its come down to the last straw and i want to surrender to god. i want to give up myself and be gone. im 15 years old and im to scared to have to face life. people say “lifes hard” and i dont want to have to live through anything hard anymore. im scared of the future. im scared to have to get up in the mornings. […]
Im done with the pain. I’m sick of feeling like a failure. 35, live in my parents basement, hate my terrible job and boss, have no money and make no money. My depression has gotten in way of my shitty job and I’ll probably be fired when I go in on Tuesday. Everyone wants to tell me my life is going to get better. life has never been happy and good. I just dont see life getting better for a depressed cook who’s 35, single, making shit, and lives in his parents basement.
I expected life to get better when I quit drinking […]
Hi, let me start by saying that I am NOT suicidal. However, I have tried to commit suicide when I was younger a few times, but, I never actually tried to where it’d actually put so much as a scratch on me. I also often want to die… But honestly, I just don’t have the balls to do anything… And I also thought about if, I fail, and wake up in a hospital, get better, have to go to therapy, people ask me questions, all that shit would piss me off.
Anyway, what I came here for is to have a place to rant and just […]
After all that has transpired in the last four days, I’m terrified of going to school tomorrow. I feel like something bad is going to happen that is outside my control, and I’ll be fired for completely cold, calculating, business reasons. I don’t know what else to say at the moment. I would give anything to not have school tomorrow. What’s worse, I have to teach a split (morning 9am-1:45 pm and evening 5:45pm-10:15pm) and I don’t know if I’ll hold up. Before you ask, calling in sick is out of the question. They’ll know it’s not true and […]
I can’t tell if it makes me feel better, or worse. Either way I want it gone and out of mind…. someone please help me
Truth, I’m here for a school project of my choice. Truth, I may have caused an attempted suicide and I fell for the friend who’s father shot himself on christmas…his life’s fucked up. Truth, I have nothing to complain about, I don’t get raped, I have two parents(stepdad but whatever) that love me and feed me and give me a roof over my head, I don’t live in a thrid world country, I’m going to get a higher education, and yet scary thoughts or thinking of lame relationships get me down…some memories or places trigger depression yet i havent been diagnosed…i guess i don’t need […]
Laying around the past few days trying to get over this sinus infection before I go, my thoughts have revolved around possible failure. I do not fear success in killing myself but rather starting, and then waking up in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down my throat and my ankles and wrists in restraints.
That actually scares me since I have a terrible gag response to anything touching the back of my throat and even the thought of my arms being restrained would put me into claustrophobic panic. They could tie my feet and legs but not my arms being pinned down, as that […]
1. Everybody Doesn’t Have to Love Me.Â
Not everyone has to love me or even like me. I don’t necessarily like everybody I know, so why should everybody like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved, but if somebody doesn’t like me, I will still be okay and still feel like I am an okay person. I cannot make somebody like me, any more than someone can get me to like them. I don’t need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be okay.
2. It Is Okay to Make Mistakes.
Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am […]
I feel the darkness closing in…but I
like it! I find comfort in things others
fear. Have I only now realized I’m the
square peg trying to fit into that
round hole? I’ve participated in
“normal life”, but I always feel
out of place. This is something that
has been with me since I can
remember (I’ll be 31 on wed.) Always
nipping at my heals, but not taking a
full bite…until recently. I see a dark
room, lit only with the pale light of the
TV. Me laying on the couch in cold
silence. No one around…just me with
my ever racing thoughts…blood,
flesh […]
About 2 years ago then I would think about the possibility of commiting suicide it was something like this- if I ever feel bad enough to actually want this then instead of committing suicide I would run away and try to have a better life because if you’re planning on ending your life anyway then why not try to start it over instead? And if you fail and somebody finds you then you can always just go back to your original plan and do it. Now then I think about suicide I usually just ask myself if I’m very to do it, if I already […]
No one know or want to have my pain but yet they judge me calle weired,fat,nerd girl,the girl whi cuts and burn,the girl who wears all black,etc.but they dont know why im fat or why i cut or why im weired and yet they seem to judge me judge the way i look the way i act.but they never once took the time out to ask me why, never wanted to know my story never even knowing me,why must this world be so judgmental so cruel so mean and soo ugly not even caring about no ones feel what that does to that […]
Seriously, about anything and everything. Suicide related or not. I’ve actually had kind of a good day today… but now I’m really just crashing down into the dumps again (as per usualy, I suppose). I really just want to talk now. About myself or my own feelings orabout one of you and yours. Don’t care… just need a distraction.
I’m kind of new to this site, and not really sure if I can just start an open conversation like this… but… yeah… Just wanted to talk to someone.
Any takers?
~Ashley
Its been about a month from when i got out of the hosptil. I was doing so good. I was handling my stress wonderfully. Then sunddenly i asked my best guy frined if he liked a girl and if he kissed her or had sex with her that night. it was a joke. But he turned on me.. And yelled i tryed to appolgize but nothing will ever be the same. I know sit on the floor of my ice cold room asking for God to just kill me. Just end my life now. i started burning and cutting again. Theres know escape. Please someone […]