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Back to December

  December 17th, 2010 by Violet Blake

Everyone loves Christmas don’t they??

Not exactly.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I honestly love Christmas, as the song even says “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”. I agree with that, it is the most wonderful time of the year, but it is also the loneliest.

When I was fifteen I had a boyfriend (I’ve mentioned him before, his name is Steven) and we were together for five months and the last month we were together for was December. I can recall it perfectly, the last time I looked into his iridescent blue eyes. I remember how much it hurt me to leave him, and …

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2

answer? i dont think there is one

  December 17th, 2010 by draco2642

suicide is an answer. to a lot of questions and problems. i dont pretend to know yours just like you dont know mine. but all of these problems that we face are chaotic at best. people die everyday because of problems to big to over come. what makes us special? nothing. were lucky. a genetic lottery wound us up on the other side of this magic screen run off of a coded stream of energy. im sitting in comfort, are you. it doesnt matter that we were given these things or if we took em. we are living in a world with no blatant goal in mind, …

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2

nightmare

  December 17th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

reliving the nightmare. a poem by mwah.

he sits there patiently
as i scream
he smiles
as i yell
he grins
when i struggle

I gave in.
I gave in.

he forces me down
when i start to cry
he tells me:
shut up someone might hear.
i push and yell
he punches me

I give in.
I give in.

he pulls out
i scamper and cry
if you tell anyone you’ll die
so i shall slice my wrist
let the blood flow
he promised this
he keeps his promises.

AN: yeah my nightmare i normally have. why else would i not want to sleep? yeah he does keep his promise pretty well… hence why i told you this.

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2

No one Sees through my fake happiness…

  December 17th, 2010 by no.one.knows.

Im 14 and im doing this monologue for my theater class and its about this girl who talks about her life and howshe has tried to kill her self many many times. I picked this story because i relate to it so much. I have tried to kill m self at least 4 times. All those time were with pills. Although i didnt succeed in doing so i was happy because i knew that if i had succeeded then i would have puch my mother and father over the top and they would have shut down. I couldnt do that to my brothers or sister. …

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0

Change

  December 16th, 2010 by niki

“Each day as people make new choices we create the possible futures, so nothing right now is fixed.”

“‘Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson

Those who have changed the universe have never done it by changing officials, but always by inspiring the people”
– Napoleon Boneparte

“It is not what we get, but what we contribute… that gives meaning to our lives.” – Tony Robbins

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people …

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4

I don’t know anymore.

  December 16th, 2010 by Narugami

My life.. Why does every shit happen to me? What have I ever done?  Everyday of my life, before I go to sleep, I always think about dying.. I always ask myself why was I even born.. Why do I have to go through everything? School and people around me, they see me as something I’m not.. I smile a lot but every smile burns me on the inside.. Everything hurts.. Why do I only have people who use me? People who doesn’t care about me? I don’t have anyone.. No friends.. My parents are divorced, my mom makes me feel like I’m just an …

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7

I want to cut and die

  December 16th, 2010 by Anae

…because of one teacher. My Finnish teacher. (I am a Finn so it’s not a subject I can quit, and we have a lot of courses of Finnish.) I want to cut deep, deep cuts and were a short sleeved shirt so she can see that it is real. I want to kill myself in a rough way so she knew that it was real.

And she could think herself every night all the times she bursted to laugh at me in front of the class. So she could think all the times she denyed my opinions. She could think all the times she blamed me of cutting school …

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1

Medications, Rampant Ruminations

  December 16th, 2010 by z

I can’t seem to shake any of them. Participation is severely lacking for me, a serious deficiency. I wish someone would just lay me out of my misery….

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3

the last thread won’t break;

  December 16th, 2010 by bluuelephant

ever since I was 11, i’ve hated myself. I was the last in everything, the ugly duckling. when I got skinnier and prettier and grew up in high-school, I was never happy. I always got the crappy friends who used me or just wanted to make fun of me. I learned about cutting first, it was my drug against suicide at the time. arms, legs, fingers, feet, if I could hide it I cut it. I never liked my body. I thought no-one else did either. then suddenly cutting wasn’t enough. the depression came and left, like an ongoing tidal wave that never stopped it’s …

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7

Holding on to something I never had

  December 16th, 2010 by solange

I am new to posting on this site, after reading many posts for a while now.
Short summary of the reason I am here:
I have suffered from depression for a long time now…I didn’t hurt myself for about 6 years but then I realized that for almost 5 of those years…I was holding onto something that I never truly had. A one sided friendship..that meant more to me than anything else. I realized that I am not good enough for him..that I deserve to be treated the way that he treats me.
I have nothing left to loose..no one knows me…not really. They …

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4

what other options

  December 16th, 2010 by happydappy

scared to death this world is to hurtful cant stand being alone i write in a journal that has all my suicidal moments in it i think someone read and and am so freaked out i dont wanna see a doc or a therapist. i hate pills! is there anyone there i can talk to? its seems like the only way sometimes and i really want my mom to suffer somtimes but jeez its almost cristmas!! i cant take it someone please help me

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2

journal entry #3 update – December 15th 2010

  December 15th, 2010 by hollydaze

So I binged at work today, typical. And stole a bunch of stuff. I regret it because tomorrow is our last day of school before the holidays. I decided tomorrow I will wear a necklace that is a joke to me and my friends, and make him kiss it. This will be funny because I gave a guy head wearing that necklace and it bounced everywhere all over his dick and balls haha.
I will wear something sexy that shows that im beautiful and wear lots of pretty makeup, also i will straiten my hair. I will make him want me, and make him …

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4

illness.

  December 15th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

people on here tell me to not commit suicide. hm. what if i told you that i am sick. if i told you i was actually sick and lost 10 pounds in the past few months even though i eat, wud u believe me? would u be amazed if i said i am now 80 pounds and am losing more and more?

no. of course not. but its true. and i really dont want to die due to an illness. its my own choice, my death is. and id rather go off in bang than otherwise.

well…this is one of the reasons at least that ill …

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fiction

  December 15th, 2010 by fireflieslite

To a fiction-writer,

My dear, learning from the devil is to get taught of what’s a devil is all about.
And doesn’t mean you have to approach the devil, and to become one.
Everyone has a dark side, and you just lock it by ignore thinking of it.

Even your writing skill lacks emotion, and the interconnection between fragments, and you have to build bridges between sentences, to enhance smooth transition of that gap, with your emotion filled,
but if you have a competition mindset to win to be the one who writes best, you’ll tend to write things out of evil.

And you misinterpreted the idea of getting out of …

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3

Journal Entry #3: December 15th 2010

  December 15th, 2010 by hollydaze

Today has been interesting, I’m in a funny mood. I just got home from school and had oatmeal with banana and cinnamon and vanilla yogurt in it, It was really good. I feel very full now, and I ate lunch today as well, I had a rice cake, two crackers, and some carrots and some pumpkin seeds, not too much, but filling.

Im afraid, I have work in about an hour, and I don’t want to binge, I binge at work usually, and it helps the time go by faster, but it ruins my day. I dont know how to control it. I work at a …

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4

Last Rights: Machine Gun Funk

  December 15th, 2010 by mushr00mblue

It’s exam time for my junior year in college, and I’ll most likely get everything done last minute as per usual, but I’m very tired of the routine and direction my life is heading.

I basically go to school so I have a place to live that isn’t my parents house, draw and write in the between time. I have little substantial passion exempt the girl I’m in love with right now and passing sporadic interests in art and psychedelics. It’s basically a long distance relationship, which was regrettably the same as my last relationship that ended horribly with lost ambitions and suicidal thoughts. I drank …

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1

The Sea of my Abyss

  December 15th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

Eyes like glass
Cold
Dark
Blank
Thoughts lost in the sea
The sea of the Abyss
She can’t wish
She can’t wish for this
The ship lurches and falls
Along the rocky waves
The waves of the waves push her on
She wants to drown.
But Hell won’t let her.

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5

oh damn…

  December 15th, 2010 by heretostay

He grabbed me and threw me to the ground. My arm cracked as well as a few other bones. He wanted me for his prostitute, I had said no, so now I was going to be his anyways. My opinion didn’t matter, after all, I was the one would be pregnant. He lifted me and brought me to his room, there he dropped me on his bed. From when he had thrown me to the ground, it hurt to move, I was helpless. He pulled my shirt over my head and threw it aside. He reached towards my crotch and unzipped my jeans; he slowly …

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2

oh my god

  December 15th, 2010 by heretostay

guess what this is about…..

I crammed everything into my bag, they were coming. I was sweating and moving quickly, I had never been so stressed. When the last needle had disappeared in the blackness of my bag, the door banged open. I was thrown to the floor and I felt some bones crack. I rolled over and watched them search my abode. They found nothing; until one picked up my black bag and turned it upside down. Needles and bottles fell out, air tight packages and tablets, I just starred. They examined the contents now on the floor and looked at me. One pulled me …

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2

what else could i do?

  December 15th, 2010 by heretostay

I was falling, into deep, unforgiving darkness. A great amount of pain filled every part of my body. I cringed but the pain only worsened. I wanted to cry, but my tear ducts contained no moisture. All I could do was endure the darkness and pain.

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