im happy, for once i woke up happy. im having a good day and hopefully it lasts.
since im being positive again instead of being so negative im gunna say a few words

Dear Everyone on this site.

i want you all to stay strong and keep your head up high, yes i know its difficult. but it is true what some people say. if you want to be happy sometimes you just have to tell yourself “im going to be happy today” and be very positive about it.

no one decides you future but you. and make every day count.

if your bullied stay strong and stick up […]

I can’t help but feel the pain that others cause. They do this just to hurt me. It works. I was sexually molested in school. I told the school, but they never did anything. They said they would. I try so hard to do what is right, but I fail. I cry every night because I am bullied. I draw, sing, do anything to get my head away from the fear of killing myself tonight. I don’t know what to do

To be not human. Sometimes I just sit for hours and watch my cat, he’s so happy and oblivious, I wonder how that feels. I know it’s a childish thought but it passes through my mind a lot. Our intellect is what makes us brilliant, but it’s also our biggest defect. We think much deeper and broader than any house cat. I’m not saying I wish I were a cat either. As easy as that would be I imagine it would be awfully dull, not that cats have a concept of dull.

I don’t know what stops me from doing it, I know my life […]

I just joined this site today. I am turning 17 in April and in the last four years I have had five attempts and the thought of dying burdens me everyday. It has taken over my my entire being, and I know its not what I want but when you feel something so strong and so often how can it not be the right thing? I know I’m weak so I hate myself for drawing attention to something I don’t even have the courage to do. I just don’t know what to do, and there hasn’t been anyone to talk to. I found this site […]

Every time my dispair has reached a Peak I find myself unable to convince myself that the last time I decided not to kill myself was justifyd. because since then things have only goten worse. I just Want the pain to stop. Why keep going just to suffer more? Why do people keep trying to make me feel guilty for just wanting a end to the pain I always feel? Sine I was eight all I wanted was to not have to hurt anymore.

This world is so corrupt and fucked. Entire civilizations run by fucking over the small people who care and want to make a difference. I don’t understand how a person could be physically capable of child abuse, spouse abuse, assault, murder and fucking over everyone for a little bit more money.

I feel like this world has crumbled and I’m wading through the rubble. I see bullshit, fake motherfucking teenagers my age that make me sick. The males throw away all dignity and kindness to try and get with girls. And the girls do the same to get attention they so desperately need.

I cant cry and I had no idea […]

I can feel the cold steel of the blade pressing against my skin again.

I can hear the whisper of the voice that tells me how easy it will be.

I can see the blood welling up from the first shallow cut.

I feel myself beginning to feel better because hurting on the outside makes the hurt on the inside lessen.

I see the blood on the floor, on the towel. I can’t believe I did it again.

I feel the guilt swell in my breast, making me sick to my stomach.

I find my sweatshirt. The one that covers my shame.

I clean up the blood. I throw away the evidence.

I lie, […]

There’s this man I know… And he’s a horrible, nasty, abusive bit of trash. But see, here is where the problem lies. I love him. He came to me in my weakest point, and told me all the things that I wanted and needed to hear. “You’re beautiful.” “I need you in my life.” “I love you.” “You’re the only woman that can change me.”

And me in my weakness, I believed him. And I fell for him. And I want to be his woman.

But here’s where the problem lies: He is horrible to me. He talks to other women right in front of me. He […]

discharged from the hospital 36 hours ago. for some reason I don’t feel that bad, as though there should be a reason I should. I feel content and calm. and yet a part of me is feeling uncomfortable– dare I say, terrible? things are OK, though I feel slightly more negative compared to my time of discharge. I had a fun night with Yonji and Corinna, and my friends are looking out for me, yet I don’t know why I should feel this way. I’m not thinking about death– or perhaps in a very abstract way — but I am longing for something, and I […]

I hate being alive. I’ve been thinking about suicide for most of my life. I’m 44, with two young children. Leaving them would be my only regret… But I think they’d get along better.
I just hate being here, there’s no point. I have no friends, no family. I can’t connect to people, never have. I was brought up sad and alone, and I’ve never been able to change it. Tried therapy and meds. Was on anti-deppressants over 10 years. I’ve got no one to talk to. Anyway, if I did I’d just hear how I should think of other people, that my release […]

Ya know, it feels to me like no one gives a good rat’s ass what’s going on in my life. Guess what? 90% of the time, I’m fucking right. I used to be the pretty one, the sweet one, the one that would bend over backward to help a friend in need. Hell, even today, when I am visibally falling apart, I am the one everyone calls to lay down their burdens. Here’s a few examples: (1) About 3 months ago, a good friend of mine called me crying. Now mind you, this is a big, strong man. And he was having suicidal thought and had cut […]

Sometimes, it’s the small things that push you over the edge and make you look at suicide…First of all, the main thing that’s bugging me, my son got sick, and the doctors don’t know what’s going on with my baby. And I can’t help myself, much less him… So, he has lost 5lbs in 10 days, and I can’t get him to eat. Well, finally in the last couple of days, he has started feeling better. So, that’s one thing that has straightened up. I recently got out of a serious long-term relationship that ended well enough… And we are still roommates. The problem […]

everyday i think of shooting myself in the head. not as a bad thing. no it would be amazing. but one thought keeps me from doing it… what if hell was being born again? I cant go through all of this again that would be my hell.

I want to be free of the pain, the sufforing of having to breath every day. I want to die tonight.

I feel guilty about so many things…

I feel guilty because, even though I’m a horrible actress, I seem to have perfected the ‘art’ of pretending to be okay.

I feel guilty because my parents have had to waste so much money on me. Whether it was for therapy, or surgeries, or just fixing things I’ve messed up.

I feel guilty about lying to my friends and telling them “I’m fine”.

I feel guilty for putting my family anf friends through so much pain because I’m just to weak too fix myself.

I feel guilty because after my most recent attempt, I was laying in a hospital, barely lucid, with […]

Music blares into my ears
lost in a sea of thoughts
The waves crashing into each other
cutting sentences off midway through
I can’t breathe, and I hate swimming
I try to yell for help but all that comes out is a whisper
It’s unlikely anyone will hear it
surrounded by beach day fun
The reality is, I’m not too far from the shore
Treading on the edge of the shark net
I look capable
How does one get so far out – if not a good swimmer?
Alone, tired
I decide to sink to the bottom
Maybe I’ll find some sunken treasures
Maybe the […]

Today I qot In trouble In school,first day back and already I’m qettinq In my old ways.The dean told me your a child so what does It matter what you say.I’m seventeen and I know for a fact that I’ve been threw more shit then all the teachers there but don’t really let people know.The only thinq I’ve reallly told anyone on this site Is that I qot molested when I was little.Like I said before,I’d rather have qotten raped once then to qet molested countless times.I love Houston but I can’t help to feel like If I was born somewere else like North Carolina or […]

I am doing a project on how you can prevent  suicide and I am not allowed to add my emotions into the paper even though I have attempted suicide before. Please leave a comment on how you feel you can be helped. My cause is being funded please, I really want to help because I know how it feels to be in a hell hole or alone.

It makes you want to just lie there and let the waves of sad hopelessness wash over you and soon your face is damp with hot tears dribbling down your neck and this makes you even more upset because you hate being such a wreck and you wish you could be happy and normal but you can’t because your stupid feelings are dragging you into a vortex of self-hate where thoughts of death tantalize you at every moment and you’re seriously thinking of grabbing the bottle of nail  polish remover on your desk that says HIGHLY TOXIC on it and just chugging it all down […]

Alright my game is on…GO BIG BLUE..CATS, CATS, CATS..BLUE..WHITE..BLUE..WHITE!