ok so im what i think pretty and nice but why do i always feel like poop. i live with my mom and her boyfriend.  hes an ass hole i get yelled and cursed at non stop. how im stupid and a ***** and a stuck up brat.i would go live with my dad but he doesn’t  want me. he left to go live with his girlfriend.i use to think i had a easy life then i learned the truth. my one brother is gay thats hard because ppl make fun of him.my other brother is a drug addict and a hobo. my last brother is ”different” hes has […]

This isn’t some impulse decision spurred on by some recent tragedy or whatever. I’ve given this plenty of thought over the last two years and this is really what I want. So I’m sitting here at some library 60 miles from my house getting everything ready (I decided that when I did this, I didn’t want to spend my last moments at or near my home) and since I’ve come here every so often to read other people’s stories, I thought I might as well post something here. Not really sure why, I spent most of the last few years dreading the thought of communicating […]

Why? Why must the person i know be gone from me. The aching feeling not being able to talk to him anymore. To laugh with him. To hug and smiile knowing i have him in my arms and we were destient to meet. Why god? Why take someone who met the world to me. Who met the world to everyone. Was this all just a plan? a trick? What could that possible be. I would cry out my tears knowing i cant get him back. That i have to wait till my time is up to be able to see him again. Although he didn’t […]

If anyone here has a fair amount of knowledge about zopiclone, please hit me up, i have some questions i wanna ask, my address: MrSebastior@gmail.com

I had a good two weeks; today(just now actually) that  drowning/suffocating feeling started creeping back. Back to the realization that I have nothing in this world to really hold onto, to tie me down. I feel like dying, like laying down.

I moved out of my dads buddies house and am pretty much homeless. My stuff is neatly stacked in my moms living room(4 boxes, crate of records) and I sleep on the couch. I say homeless cause my mom is my mom and if she weren’t my mom then I wouldn’t be the way that I am today. She’s volatile to be around (usually, I […]

As if life isn’t bad enough now I’m finding myself paranoid. Great everything is against me. I’m sure people are out to get me. I’m so detached. I have no idea the difference between my imagination and reality

For me it’s my fear of death.

Please forgive me for this waffle. I guess i am needing to let it all out cos i am really in the worst place rightnow. I dont feel i have any future or reason to live. I keep trying for strenght to end it all and dont know why i cant. I know its not what i ultimately want but i cant find any other way out of all this pain. All i can think of is all the bad stuff, I cant find any good. Im 35 and single again. Got to find myself somewhere new to live on my own again and have […]

I finally found someone to love–great guy.  He’s willing to be with me warts and all, and yet my depression, problems with work, anxiety and PTSD symptoms are so bad that I can’t imagine he’d stay with me in the long term.  We’ve been married for about a year and half.

My biggest struggle right now is work, but of course that’s affecting my new marriage in a huge way.

I suppose some would say I’m going through mid-life stuff, (I’m 42) but I’ve always struggled with work.  I’ve tried everything I can do with my degrees (English and MFA Creative Writing), but have not found a […]

I haven’t drawn in a while, so I apologize if the quality is a bit poor.

Basically, I’m looking for interpretations.  What you think is going on in the picture, what you think she’s going through.  It sometimes helps to assert interpretations into a relatively undefined work, it can tell you a bit about yourself and let you use your imagination as well.

So yeah, what do you believe happens? and why?

I think we either go to a spiritual realm or reincarnation. I have my own theory about reincarnation but i can’t explain it, it’s like explaining exactly how big the universe is.

And the spiritual realm, well, it just seems natural to me

I’ll start off by telling you the reasons i wanna die.

I’m a major emetophobe, i have major ocd (people trying to help me said i’m one of their worst case), paranoid, manic depression, anger issues, social anxiety. Mainly my phobia makes me wanna die. And the fact that everyone on this planet is brainwashed, trusting the government thinking they’ll protect us when really they got all our moves and words recorded so they can kill all the poor ones. And they even expect us to trust them when they have all these secret societies and groups that they swear don’t exist and when you get […]

I have nobody in this messed up world. Every person I turn too just uses me or takes advantage of me. The one person i loved with my everything, my best friend, my whole life, my mother, passed away on me due to her “drug and alchol addiction”. People tell me” Why aren’t you sad why dont you cry? because i hold it all in! How could i love a mother that tried to kill me?? How could she be my number one and then my whole life falls apart when, my OWNNNN MOTHERRRR tried to KILLLLL me.. I blame myself every single day, how […]

i want to disappear and not exist

I’ve decided that I won’t be able to get better until I tell someone. I need to just tell someone that I’m thinking about suicide all the time. I need someone to be there for me and make sure I have no plans or dates chosen out. Of course that’s in perfect world where people actually care…..

If you need someone to talk to, I am more than willing to listen.

Fresh Cuts. Three. Across..not down..Want to die? No…not yet. Soon? Perhaps…I think of her..my love..see her pain,see her past..cant help..can’t fix..she smiles,yet sorrow holds her lips..she laughs,but cries underneath..”Are you Okay,hun?” “Yes..I’m fine.” No she isn’t…I don’t understand,she won’t let me..Hold back tears..can’t show weakness…Hang head..wait till she’s gone…Fresh cuts..Crimson Life..I worry..i’m scared..my love..somone help..

I have been in a really bad place for the last couple weeks and it was only getting worse. I have always had suicide in the back of my mind, but lately it has been coming to the front and yesterday I went and bought some stuff that I was going to use to do it. I have never gone that far before, and the dark empty feeling in my stomach was becoming unbearable. I didn’t want to ask for help, I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought my problems were insurmountable and I was better off dead.

So today I […]

Deeper than I thought,

More profound than I expected…

Does anyone else have a violent hatred for veins?

tonight, i know it’s not going to do much, but i’ll start taking the pills again. 10 melatonin, 6 almost hurt me too much last time. it’s to kill the pain, to feel only numbness. i don’t know what’ll happen, i don’t know if i’ll chicken, but i’m sorry to anyone that’s ever been hurt, to those who failed, and to those who succeeded in doing the impossible. i hope that those lives that i touched are forever touched and will live a bit longer, if not for anyone or yourselves, for me. if i do make it to morning, i’ll let you know and […]