when we first met he called me a lesbian, i hit him with a 2by4. i was placed in a foster home that was right next to his house. i lived by him for a couple of months in that time for a short time i was his friend. i thought i was in love with him. i was wrong.

i just dont know why i kissed my worst enemy. if any of u can explain this to me please do. im so lost and confused

how can god love something so stupid and ugly and worthless. people tell me to pray but god doesnt want to hear me so why should i even try. i just want to cut myself into a million pieces. i hate everything about myself and i know i will never even get into heaven because i know god hated me even before i was born. i dont know why the fuck i exist when im so worthless. im such a piece of shit. i cant believe i even wake up every morning when i dont even do anything important in my life.

Can I get any lower then I am? I lost a place to live 4 times this year. every time I live some where I get kicked out all the time and I don’t know why. In the past couple of month I lost 4 places to live. Lost my car and job cause my one roommate got me fired and called the repo people on the car. whats wrong with me. why do every one hate me. My step-dad told me I could come home but now hes talking bought kicking me out and winter is coming, me and my two dogs are going […]

I decided to write this to better get my life in perspective. I hope in some small way this little post will make me feel just a little better about breathing and continuing onwards.  Though I will post no names, only a little bit of my history, and as much of it as I can Recall.

I was born july 28 of 1984. My child hood was alright for the most part. My mom and dad both lived in Wisconsin at the time.  My father is a mechanic, and my mother was a factory worker. My dad is an alcoholic, I can’t actually remember a time […]

Is it possible to think yourself into insanity? I think it would be better if I stopped thinking so much…. Or at all…That would be nice…..

(lycanthropy) A more modern use of the word is in reference to a mental illness called lycanthropy in which a patient believes he or she is, or has transformed into, an animal and behaves accordingly. This is sometimes referred to as clinical lycanthropy to distinguish it from its use in legends.

This is not just the title of a great movie, but the thought that runs through my mind constantly.  I’d be better off dead and just constantly pray that God will agree.  Every day is a painful struggle, not a new start.  It’s the beginning of MORE pain, disappointment, regret, and dealing with consequences of your failures.  Brighter days will not come as long as I’m here on earth.  I’m convinced of that, because as long as I’m on earth, that means I’m still alive.

I don’t know quite why I’m posting on here but here goes. This is my first posting. On Wednesday I took a big combination of drugs, including methadone, zopiclone (sleeping pill), diazepam and nortriptyline. In other words, the kind of combination that might have done the job. I took most of them before going to see my doctor which I suppose must mean subconsciously that I expected and hoped to be ‘discovered’. I don’t remember anything about the day at all, or the days that followed. Apparently I did see my doctor and was very sleepy and confused. Then I saw the nurse and she […]

I’m not even stoned yet. That won’t last another hour. I cooked enough bacon for sandwiches for everybody.  Thanksgiving dinner is tonight, at the Mom’s cottage. It’s also a small celebration for my birthday, as I won’t be seeing any of these people next week on the actual birthday date.

I still feel like I want to kill somebody. A story in the news brings me hope.

Two crack heads. One lives in the apartment, owes a bunch of drug money. One pissed off crack head, wants his money. The angry crack head brakes into the others home, the crack head in debt fights to defend himself, […]

when I was younger every time I attempted to kill myself I failed and was told that as I get older I will find my purpose for living, now I am older and I am still lost, I dont fit in with any type of group, have no friends, go to work, go home sleep, pay my bills, have no savings, go to work over and over and over again…there is no purpose to this life, I have no family now, no one would even knowthat I am gone….it was a lie..to keep me alive, there is no purpose, this world and life sucks and […]

My world is quickly crumbling and i see no sign of it letting up. I feel like I have no where to turn and people who know wut I’m going through mock me… This isn’t worth it…

I’m so done with everything. I’m too damn young for all of this to be happening. I wish it was easier. First, we were going to go to church as a family. My step brother never goes to church with us so he was being a dick about going. My mom started yelling at him and a little later she started crying. I went in there and started yelling at him and then my mom pushed me away. I ran to my room and started crying because now my step dad was yelling. He was calling my step brother a bunch of names and […]

thoughts of suicide becoming more frequent. positives and negatives revolving in my head. can’t seem to shake loneliness, sadness, pessimism, or anger. done with psychologist, psychiatrist seems better option medication wise. cant do that due to parental disagreement. unsure whether or not to attempt in order to wind up in hospital, meaning no school or hassles, time to be alone and really think things over. be away from everything i hate. i think i am sick because i dont know whether id rather tragedy come to me or another i am close to. there are no words to explain this, i have felt worse than […]

My insides feel empty

My heart is as blue as the sky

My future looks shady

For a “Forever You and I”

One only has to take a good look at me

And nothing worth of note they’ll see

They have someone else they love in mind

And anyone who’ll love me must be blind

My heart has an expertise in breaking

As well as bad decision making

Girl, my heart is yours for the taking

But, no, I don’t think she’s believing

People see me as good

But will I ever be good enough?

I can steal your heart like Robin Hood

But are women really just after “hot stuff”?

My heart truly longs for someone out there

One who’ll never […]

im 15 and have no idea who i am where i belong and who i should trust…

ya i know this is normal every kid feels this way, but when they say those things their worried bout fittin in at school and if their gonna marry the boy down the street. I’m not, i don’t care about that when i say i don;t know who i am i mean i have nothing…ive lost all ability to have my own thought. I just do what im told and for awhile i thought maybe it’ll change when i turn 18 but i doubt it cuz i keep reaching […]

Thursday, January 13th. 2011.
Atleast for a week now it’s been going on. The dreams. Dreams of stress. Dreams of the worst things my mind can think of. I’m far too young to feel the way I do about alot of things, but that’s how it is. These dreams are showing how I try not to feel. In these dreams, my mind is being jolted. Over and over. For years now I’ve felt no sort of deep love, no sort of tenderness. Any sort of love I recieve, true or not, I can’t feel because of what’s happened. It shouldn’t be this way. […]

Sorry for the language… I’m just confused it seems. I have this dream of being in the army but my allergy prevents it. And the next best thing is…well.. swat (e.r.t. in canada) ANYWAY. What’s holding me back is… I’d feel unfit or guilty for a job like that. You need to be a cop first and honestly my mind is too fucked. If I can’t go a day without my suicidal thoughts, how the hell am I supposed to function with a gun in my hand?! Ugh this life is shit. Why am I still here?!

i’m new here.

just wanted to say i’m here if anyone needs/wants to talk.

i love to listen.

i won’t necessarily try to talk you “out of” anything.

just figure everyone needs to know they’ve been heard.

that is one word to describe my life. Boring. Never anything to do really. I like looking up famous serial killers and some from like the ancient past. I know it sounds weird but i love it. The killings, their childhood, their curput minds. I love everything about it. Call me crazy or a weird freak but its something i do enjoy. I rarely to never go outside. This week it was nothing but headaches. Not worth going outside anyways. I wish i had excitement in my life.Some fun or fucking money. Anything to keep me busy really. *Sigh* just what i need more fuck […]

This is a piece of my day.

I get out of the shower, stand there in my t-shirt and pajamas, brushing my hair in the foggy mirror. I hear a knock at the front door. I ignore it; anybody for me goes to the side door. After 30 seconds or so the door closes with no second knock. I hear the gate to the backyard slam closed. “Fucking hell, I’m all alone to face this” I think to myself, not actually knowing what to expect.

In retrospect I would have liked to have had my knife, 8 inch blade, black painted steel and stamped with an […]