I don’t remember any sustained feeling of happiness in my life. I learned a long time ago not look forward to something because that’s a guarantee that it won’t happen. I thought that my kids’ father would be at least a activevof their life. WRONG! He not interested in that. I could walk out of this door and leave all three of my kids without a further thought. That’s sad huh? I’m that sad and tired. I wish I never met “Ken” and I wish that I never got pregnant ten years ago and that I didn’t listen to people who said they’d […]
My fiance is the problem in my life. He verbally abuses me every time he starts drinking. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. Tonight again everything is my fault. He has blames me for things that never happened to cover up for himself to his friends. He calls me a stupid piece of shit and a ****. He swears at my mother calling her the same just using different words but the meaning is the same. I am not on anti-depressants any more so I dont have anything to use tonight to just lose myself. I […]
I am so sick of living. I am just ready to die. The person I love rejects me on a daily basis- Not from being in a relationship, but from being friends. It hurts my heart everytime I do and I Tend to cry for hours about it everyday. I just want to die and escape the pain.
Everyone hates me. I am having so much trouble with my family, since they recently found out that I am suicidal. They make jokes and keep waving Suicide In my face like it’s a game- I plan to show them it’s not and try again, but this time […]
I’m still alive. I’m almost 31 but I feel 100. Every second is a waste – with every second passing I feel like I’m merely existing and not living. I feel like all these years have gone by without meaning, and I have no idea who or what I’m living for.
Every few years I got insanely sick and tired of my life, packed all my stuff and leave for somewhere new: A new country, a new job, etc, but the cycle repeats itself again, and eventually I became depressed, negative, and self-hating that I feel the need to reset my life and start over again […]
Too much fighting, yelling, crying…
Greed, death, loss…
I’m sick of everything.
I’m close to losing it…
My fiancee finally got his personal injury settlement… Which was less than half of what was anticipated…
My father was pissed because he wanted more than 800$ but we couldn’t give him 1500$ unless he wanted us to be broke…
He basically called my fiancee useless, and that he wasn’t his kid even though 2 months ago he said he was like one to him,
we ended up giving him 2300$ out of the 400$ in the end… I officially hate my father and want to gtfo the second I get my fucking GED.
My fiancee threatened to leave me […]
I was born under a curse and I will die under a curse. I am in so much pain. My heart is dead why does it keep on beating? My life makes no sense. The 57 years that I have lived have been a complete and total shipwreck. Fuck why am I still breathing. I want to close my eyes and never open them again. I hate myself, evrything and everyone I am a tormented soul Nothing in my life has been normal no matter how much I strive how hard I work there never has been and never will be normalcyl in […]
Oh, hello, 3am.
Since my last post, I’ve started cutting daily–there are scars all over my body, everywhere but my arms. I still burn–and I still prefer burning–but I had forgotten how much more convenient cutting is…and how much more beautiful the scars are.
I move in for college in two weeks–I dunno if that’s good or bad. New beginning means that I might find normal friends, and maybe even be a normal person. Ha. Not likely. But I can get a counselor/therapist once I’m away from home, since my parents don’t realize how far gone I am. Let’s see if I actually do it once I’m […]
so what i feel is everything i do is wrong. my story is… i was in seventh grade and one day i realized that no at all had hugged me or said i love you since i was injured falling off the roof at the age of five. i began trying to make friends preferably girls. i tried to be kind and gentle and kept trying to get that small hug, but nothing happened. later i was in ninth grade, i had frequent quiet episodes where i would ignore EVERYONE. during this whole time i was being degraded by a loving mother. i had often […]
I know I shouldn’t be. My sister is finally home from the navy and yet I still feel depressed. I had a horrible dream that she left and I cried histerically. I wonder if that is a sign that when she really does leave I might finally rest in peace. I don’t know. Maybe I will succeed? I don’t know but I wish this horrible sadness will end soon. I know for sure my family hates me. Or just truly dislikes me a lot. I dont feel one ounce of love from them though my grandmother constantly tells me she does. Maybe I am just […]
My coldness scares me sometimes. I’m uncaring and sometimes I don’t care about my lack of empathy. Other humans are like unfeeling robots to me. They are strange, alien, and unfamiliar to me. I cannot comprehend the fact that they can feel. They can love and hurt and be heartbroken. I understand that on a logical level, but I have a hard time believing it or caring. Something is wrong with my brain. I am heartless and completely apathetic.
Ive gotten to a stage where im sick of my life and just want this misery to end, nothing new. Ive suffered from depression ever since i was a teenager and all efforts ive taken to find a desire to live have failed. as i said its nothing new.
I want to hang myself but before i do i want to know if its going to take me out relatively quickly and efficiently.
I actually thought i was going to kill myself a few weeks to a month ago, but my friend somehow stopped me. School is but a few days away, and for me that means horrible grades(because im so stupid and cant understand a damn thing im taught in school), horrible grades will get my parents to yell at me which, in turn, will bring suicidal thoughts like no other. Also, ill be attending the same school as Her, the person whom i shall love with all my heart forever. And just the sight of her, just the sound of her voice can bring me […]
Or killing yourself is the only rational choice for those who don’t like people in general? I have been thinking about this for such a long long time. In fact, i have decided that the latter really makes sense, but i’m afraid of botching up the attempt and continuing this life as a “disabled misanthrope”, which is the equivalent of Hell in our world.
Well, i was not completely this way during my childhood and adolescence; well i did not have many friends in any time of life (i have an asperger syndrome by the way), but i had some close ones at that time. Also […]
I feel twitchy but it felt a lot better… I choked and panic set in as I looked out the window and saw blurry white skies… I scared myself I wanted to push harder… It didn’t work am I more resilient against it now?…. Just forgot what I was gonna say… Saw that weird white thing zoom on by again… Is Rogue Shadow back?… Haven’t heard from him in a while… My legs felt a little tingly… I am more resilient dammit… Now I must keep going…gonna try again if a few hours maybe…
For the last 2 weeks of vacationas a soon to be junior in high school, I have been playing video games all day every day, nothing else at all, isolated from other humans other than mom stepdad sister uncle and occasional friend. Other than that nothing. I have a routine after 1am…
2:00A.M.
I feel depressed and sad, I also post on SP usually at that time.
3:00A.M.
I feel some sort of crazy insanity. Highly likely this time I would choose to murder or suicide.
4:00A.M.
Oddly, I end up feeling aroused/horny and romantic, but also lonely, normally I masturbate at this time or […]
Does anyone else know this feeling of being isolated when surrounded by other people? Being all alone despite having so many people around you? I can’t seem to get rid of it. I feel like I’m cut off or distanced from everyone else by an invisible wall. I can’t trust any of them because I don’t know any of them. I want to feel connected to someone. I feel like I can’t reach anyone because I’m not real enough to touch them. Am I alone in this too? I hope nit. I’ve only recently found this site and for the first time I feel like […]
I follow the tracks
You say lead me home
I look towards a gun
When I am alone
Times have changed
And so have you
When I wake up
I’ll be amongst a different crew
That child that laughed
Is now full of black
The child that smiled
Is never coming back
truely what is there im an atheist and this post is not to change anyone just the fact that i want answers to questions no one has answers to like why were we put here i truely belive this is hell if there is a hell we come here we suffer and then we die and get thrown in a hole and no one gives a rats ass about us pepole say the know what your going through and they wana help but they dont give a 2 drips of piss about you and i mean who the fuck came up with this bible bullshit […]
I know that there are people worse off than I, but I just feel hopeless. I’m pretty sure it isn’t just teenage angst because the hopelessness has been in my thoughts for 5 years. I’m 18 now.
No one knows I feel like this.
To everyone, I’m the happy, awesome kid that people love to be around because I’m almost never negative.
I have a lot of acquaintances, but I’ve never had a friend.
I never could talk to my family. I almost committed suicide for the sole purpose of getting attention from them. I just wanted to feel like they care about how I feel. […]
You sit there
Staring
Acting like I’m not
A human
What did I do?
I didnt mean to hurt you
Nobody was supposed to
Be sad
A little twist
Just a touch
A red streak shows
So does my smile
Its all I can remember
From last Tuesday night
I’m sorry, I really am.
But I cant wait
To do it again.
Next time, end it
All.