These are one of those nights that i want to kill myself. I want to do what i always been waiting for. I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont really care either. All i want is the water in my lungs to suffercate me. I want to cut my breath short. I want everything to be too late to save me. Let people talk. Their opinions are worthless to me. I really dont care what God or Jesus did. Was i there? No. so why should i be so concern about it. Life is to hard to pass on. Death is easy to […]

guys are hilarious. theres this kid. iv dated him like four times even though hes the biggest dick ever but i just like having him there and theres something about him that i find so fucking amazing its probably the lip ring and gauges…we got back together last week and he was being great until he randomly stopped talking to me saturday. completely ignored so i assumed we were done…just got a text from him saying night babe…..what the fuck. fuck my life.

im just sittin here lookin at the blood run down my arm and i am accually smiling for the first time in 3 days i havnt cut for weeks but i just couldnt take anymore broke my razor for shaving and went to town and im up to 10 😀 and i just keep tellin my self one more cut and ull feel better just a lil deeper and the pain will be gone.. still tryin to figure out how much longer im gonna be on this earth but i guess that all up to her in a way but w.e i love you baby […]

If only death would solve it all.

Nothing is what i feel, Nothing is what i am. Lost in fear forever. Fear of the future, fear of aging, fear of even dieing. Lost in my conscience, which is an impenetrable prison. I have no suicidal thoughts now nor happy thoughts, just sadness, sometimes today i even broke into silent tears in school, i could not help myself.  As i watch the terrible things that happen in the world i immediatly think “What if that me” What if i got murdered, what if i was a victim of an earthquake, What if i got an inccurable disease. Everything is just so strange, life […]

God have mercy on us all! Are we too not your children?

Didn’t Jesus die in the cross for our sins as well? It is not we, that comit the murder, for we are already dead INSIDE! It is other people, that have killed and murdered us!

God must love all people, including suiciders! Isn’t gods love infinite? Lord, do not hold us accountable for this sin, for it is not we, who have killed ourselves, but the people,who have sinned against us!

God, did you not send your son to die at the cross for ALL our sins? Forgive us this sin as we forgive those, who […]

It’s been a really bad week and it’s only just turned Wednesday.

I’ll start with Sunday, I decided to make the worst decision for my head, I went to the ex boyfriends (Dave) house and things got a bit heated. I ended up sleeping with him again three times in that short day, I regret every decision I made that day. I knew that if I did this then I would feel like shit after because he just “fucked and chucked” me again like the other million times this has happened. The overall day with him was good, although he did point out my cuts as […]

I cant possibly understand what it feels like to get to a stage where you seriously consider ending your life but what I cant understand is for people that have children to contempate killing themselves – how can you contemplate the idea of your kids growing up without you.  The fact that you wont be there to see them mature, get married etc.  Who will they go to for advice?  No one can fill your place.  For those of you who do not have children, what about your family and friens – I am not saying you should solely stay alive for them but what about how […]

I feel no emotions.

I feel no love for my family.

No love for my ‘ friends’.

I feel nothing.

No sadness.

No madness.

No hate.

No happieness.

All I can barely feel, is the pain.

And somewhat now like, not love, my dog.

What is happening?

I haven’t cut in quite a while..

Could this be the reason all my emotions have been lost?

In a dream I´m drifting in the sea. It´s dark and stormy. The waves push me beneath the surface and throw me in the air. The sea is a womb and the sea is a grave. The sea wants me. I´m afraid. Shall I die? Shall I wake up? Shall I learn to fly?

I see another person who´s drifting in the sea too. Our only hope is that perhaps we can save each other.

Into your hands I trust my spirit.

Does anyone ever remember when suicide wasn’t an option…

Forget religious piety, spare me your self-help appointed guru-ism.

I am here to hear truths, from you, hopefully I have finally found people I can relate to.

You can’t help me and I definitely can’t help you, but I can post and listen until I figure out which path to travel.

I overdosed about two years ago, all that was accomplished was deafness in ICU for a week, liver and kidney damage and an all expenses paid trip to the state hospital in a pair of pretty silver bracelets, in a secure caged car with colorful lights. Public humiliation is always […]

im sittin here all alone.. broke, down, and depressed. im tired.. tired of fighting for the lost cause that is me. almost everyone is telling me im nothing and im useless and they dont want me around. but there is one person saying they want me to be stay. and that is kaylee she is the love of my life… but. she is so far away and it kills me that i cant hold her in my arms.. and now she is pushing me away and i know that’s how she is cause she has been hurt so much trust me i know im the […]

I’ve come to an end here. The despisement of my wife, the contempt of my son, my inability to do what a man should, has come to it’s fruition.
I can’t blame my wife for hating me. My choices in my youth have left us here struggling to make ends meet. She’s had to go to work and leave the kids here with me. I am wholly inadequate to do what needs to be done to take care of my family. If I do this, I’d have to make it look like an accident, to ensure my wife and kids get something from me. I […]

I’ve learned some shit through the years.

Beneath the waves, I start to collapse /The world outside is moving so fast/I’ll take a breath, and hope it’s my last/The water fills my lungs, and mutes my screams/I know I’ll see you again, in my dreams/So take a breath, let the pain flood in/Wash away these tragic memories/The time I spent, trying to survive/Such a waste, I’ve never been alive/So take a breath, let the pain flood in/Waves of redemption to carry away my sin/Slipping deeper into the abyss/I never knew, what it was to exist/This will all be over soon/Carry me, down to my grave/And bury me beneath these waves/I breathe in […]

I want to kill myself.

I want to again.

It didn’t work last time.. how do I know it will ever work?

No one understands why. I even confuse myself.

I want you to like me.

And I want you to notice me.

And I want you, of all people, to know how much you screwed with my life. I want you to know what you left me in, that you left me with suicide on my mind.

But you’ll never like me, and you’ll never notice me, and you, of all people, will never find out.

This bbc document confirmed the well known fact, that ******** is the “easy way out”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuWs7Fx0sSs

The air we breath is around 80% ********. The ideal situation would be to exchange the Helium method with ********.

The Heliun method has a dangerous and fatal flaw in the fact, that Helium is not a gass the body recognizes, unlike ********. In otherwords, the brain after being fooled around 15-seconds or so raize the alarm bells and beging to struggle for air!

“Loss of consciousness (5-10 sec), involuntary convulsions (15-20 sec), decortication rigidity (abnormal posturing/ movements) (20-40 sec), decerebration rigidity (40-50 sec), second decortication rigidity (1 min 10 […]

I still have people here that I care about..
That doesn’t stop me from having these thoughts… I just want to end it….

I have no family.
I have no friends.
Just got fired from my job.
I have no money.
Lost my house in the divorce.
Failed all my classes in college.
I’m sick and no one knows what’s wrong.

Wouldn’t you die too?

Thing is, I used to work in the trauma ICU, so I know how to supposedly kill yourself. I’ve seen people survive an attempted hanging from the sixth floor and had the rope break, falling all the way to the ground. He survived with no complications. I’ve seen gun shot wounds to all points of the head, chest and abdomen that have survived. There were […]

hopefully getting my first of many tattoos this weekend. im getting P.O.W. tattd on the inside of my lip. it stands for prisioner of war. when i told my cousin she was laughing and making jokes. then i told her the meaning behind it…i look at war like its life. like a draft its not by choice. just like you are born into this world whether you like it or not. people always struggling and fighting to be liked and get along with everyone else. whether it be by dressing like them or acting like them. i dont wanna be like everyone else and because […]