Ten years ago when I tried to kill myself. I felt stupid and terrible. An enormous guilt brewed inside me. When I woke up at the hospital bed, for the first few seconds I really felt I had traveled to a different realm.

Since then each day of my life I think about killing myself at least once. I am just dragging myself to the day when I will have my own charcoal grill.

Have been depressed for years. Ended up isolating myself from friends. I am now a complete loner that manages to put on that brave face when around other people. Haven’t been with a woman for nearly five years and now everybody around me thinks I am gay. I wouldn’t blame them though. Now I have no courage whatsoever around girls, I never go out because I can longer drink alcohol and look extremely young so girls take no notice of me whatsoever. I have now anxiety problems that can prevent me from leaving the house. Also have been unemployed for a very long time and […]

My TRUE life story……i left out some parts so its not so long

Euhm, I’ve just registered, not quite sure what to expect.

I wanted to talk about some things, and i’m scared to tell it to the ones i love. Since i live in belgium, i’m quite sure no-one here will know me…

Where to start…
Well, I’ve been thinking about suicide again lately. I’ve tried it before (in septembre, when I lost a 4th friend to suicide, in 2 years), the result was a cardiac arrest, CPR, and staying in ICU for days. I’ve dealt with it very well, and till mid novembre, i didn’t feel like trying it again. (eventhough i had some hard times with my […]

The world must hate me. it wont let me die. i wait every day to die but some act. i got into a crash going 75, and am perfectly fine. i cut deep after taking blood thinners, i do stupid shit so i have a chance to fuck up and die. but the world wont let me die

burn these lips beyond recongnition
beauty have left these eyes
and look without seeing
they’re only useful for makeshift tears
that sorrow has left behind

break these hands
theres no more warmth in them
and no longer want to hold anything
cuz so much has slipped by them
that they dont try anymore

shred this bleeding heart
use the blood as gasoline
and maybe something will come from the ashes

Recently, I’ve started wearing a choker.

I wear it to school, go in the bathroom when no one is in there.

And I choke myself.

Just until my nose and mouth get numb, our when my eyes get numb.

But no one wil ever care to notice.

So its alright.. Right?

He looks at himself in the mirror, his eyes are black, his expression is blank, his heart is slowly turning to a cold stone, his mind is empty, he let’s a scream at the top his voice, but all that comes out is silence

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I am giving myself one week to live,

But you don’t care. Do you?

arms fall to the side

the punch to the stomach

air escapes harshly

what is this feeling?

slap to the face

head turned away

eyes shutting tightly

what is this feeling?

Looking up at you

sight blurred with tears

a haunting laugh

what is this feeling?

Eyes wide open

night surrounds me

silent sigh of the house

tensed body begins to relax.

I’m losing my sanity.

I cut myself.

And wrote in my journal with my own blood.

Please. Please, tell me what to do.

Please help me.

Death is on my mind.

The other side.

Crossing that thin line of life and death.

I just, want to be there.

Its not good. To some people.

Not me.

Why does it seem so, inviting?

i just took 70-80 ibuprofen. so bye

So this is how i see it. my home life sucks and wont get better cause my dad wont see a therapist or admit hes depressed, my grades are tanking cause i don’t care anymore, i totaled my car last Sunday, and I think I drove my girlfriend away. All my teachers don’t expect much and its not like i would expect anyone to expect anything from me. I’ve been thinking about suicide for a while now and I’ve decided. It’s quick, easy, and after I wont have to deal with anything, no school, no home, no relationships, no pain, nothing. it all goes away. […]

1 year ago I pressed a 9 mm to my chest and chanted…..then pulled the trigger. Nothing. A second time…..nothing. I’m a fucking cop. I know how to load and manipulate a fucking gun. It took over an hour just to get through 2 trigger pulls. I had no courage for a third. I still can’t explain it. Now here I sit a year later, still suicidal. What is stopping me? 2 dogs I rescued from Iran that were abused. That’s it. I can’t stand the thought of them being separated and uncared […]

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You […]

Here I find myself…

Here I find myself,

Under the beauty of the moonlight

Dreaming of the tomorrow

Hoping it’ll be better than yesterday

Here I find myself,

Under the beauty of the shadows

Pretending everything’s okay

Hoping, one day

It’ll be okay

Here, I find myself

Under the sightlines of the moonlight shadows

Dreaming of that tomorrow,

Hoping everything was just…

A Dream.

It’s mybirthday in 6 days, not really excited. No-ones asked me what I want, so I assume no-one intends to get me anything. Don’t mind, it’s not like it’s a special day or anything, it is just me. xD

I thought of going to Stirling for shopping, but I don’t think anyone would want to come. Emma’s having more fun with Angela, I don’t mind that either, she should hang out with people who’s company she enjoys after all. Zoe… Well me and Zoe aren’t really friends anymore, Rachael won’t if Emma won’t, and neither will Angela.

I’ll probably prefer to stay home alone anyway. :3 […]

There is nothing noble or dignified in suicide, there is no romance in taking ones own life, it is a selfish and self centred act. I can only hope that those that I leave behind, at least, understand. I can not go on, I can not endure another twenty years as I have the last. It is simply too much. Now in my mid forties I must accept that I have become what I have become and that nothing can realistically be expected to change, the habits have bled too deep and hope has long since died. Self pity, yes, reignation, certainly. I can, I […]

hi im ritche im 12 years old uhm im here cuz i got all things under controlled and mixed problems and trying to think committing suicide first of all i got my girl and its been 3days she’s hating me lyk hell and actually im too young for this but i just dont understand  so my girl always says that leave me alone or some crzy words that hates my self and thinking of dying infront of here im just very serious to her but ugh i cant barely type i dont know wat i made wrong to her . i […]