I’ve heard told that everyone makes mistakes. People’ve cheated on boyfriends and girlfriends. People’ve yelled at customers and lost their jobs. People’ve texted while driving and totaled their cars. But can being born be a mistake? I’m not like most people; I can’t just be content. I can’t settle with just anybody. I can’t just pursue any career. I can’t just look like everyone else. I strive to be different. Yet, the world doesn’t accept my kind. Maybe if I was a skinny Christian bimbo that believed everything they were told and was satisfied with the “norm” way of living- you know, getting married, having […]
I need some advice. I am a 17 year old girl attending high school. My life should be amazing, I have been ranked top in my class for the last 5 years, have won numerous awards, play for several sports teams, tutor, part of student government etc etc. But it’s not.
Everyone thinks my life is perfect, but I am dying inside and I don’t know where to turn to. You see, when I was 12, I was looking for my camera in my mom’s room when I came across a box. Of course, being curious, I opened it and found much more than I could […]
Who am I? According to my faith I’m a child of God. A tired child at 53. A youthful 53. I was bodybuilding as a hobby for 20 years. Quit training 3 weeks ago. I’ve realized after all the years of depression, that I have a mental condition. I’ve been to the hospital, the psychiatrist, the church, and meds for the first time last year. I just can’t seem to quiet the thoughts. I’m not good enough, I’ll never be good enough, I’m a failure, and I just don’t belong here on earth. I have no criminal record. I’m just a guy that has tried […]
I’ve been considering suicide for quite some time. For several months I even had a handgun. I actually had a license to carry it. I’ve been under psychiatric care for some time but have never been institutionalized, so I was eligible. However, I told my psychiatrist about the gun. I’m not sure if that was wise. Although he urged me to get rid of it, he didn’t press the issue since he said he didn’t believe in his heart I was suicidal and I’d never actually loaded the gun. He was right. I just had the gun as a coping strategy at that point; I […]
I thought I’d share my story with those people online and perhaps find someone to relate to. As of now, I’m 17. I’m planning on ending life within the next 3weeks (I’m getting together some money to leave my parents – untill then I need to hold it out).
My story begins when I was younger of course. I was always a shy child, and I’ve always had a fear of too many people in one area – I’ve got an anxiety disorder. My home life was… bareable, at best. My father was an asshole to say the least. I’d like to note that when he […]
i’m in high school. the typical high school girl, lots of friends (can’t trust any of them). me and my friends are in the stage of going to sweet 16 parties…you know…those princess brats who wear the big dress and have the stupid father daughter dance and do their pointless candle ceremony – christ, those parties are ridiculously stupid. but, this isnt what my story is about. its about trying to have a good time…ironic right? me and a few girlfriends get ready for these stupid partys together, but for one of them, we dicided to drink vodka before hand; just to show up trashed. […]
Why do i feel like this??? : (
I started laughing really loud on the way home from school today, I was happy because my shadow reminded me of Tenma! He wears a trench coat that wooshes out, and when the wind picked up I looked like that in my shadow. xD Some guy got mad though, he was walking behind me when it happened.
Other than that, I lost the only person I talk to about..well, anything. Looks like it’s back to being all alone and shiz.
After a particularly bad week, where I was acutely suicidal, I finally yesterday got my shit together a bit. I was just gonna try to soldier on.
But I got a disturbing email. My ex, whom I had frightened when I had a nervous breakdown last month and became suicidal, is apparently posting articles and things online about restraining order and the like.
I ended up in jail for  a few days after my breakdown, because she filed a police report. But I had been under the impression, based on what other people have told me, that she did not intend for me to go to jail and was […]
I can’t do anything in my life that I want to. I just don’t aee it going anywhere worthwhile. I tried to follow my passions but apparently I can’t do that, so what point is there in lfe if you have nothing to live for?
I’ve tried to go to my school’s counseling center but it takes a month to get an appointment and I need help NOW.
I have no one to talk to about it. My boyfriend claims he cares but I know he’s too busy with his own little world and the girl that has a crush on him. I think he allows it […]
My preferred name is Aurey, I’m 19 years old and I feel like I’m ready to die. My life has just been one big ball of shit since I was 4 years old and my disgusting asshole father started molesting me. It got shittier when my parents split and I had to move away from everything I knew. Since I was 11 years old I’ve had no friends, but for people who get sick of hearing me whine about my life. I got married last october 28th, and our marriage lasted 2 weeks before I left him for this guy I fell head over heels […]
Hi, this is my first post here. I am 34, married, and mom to two beautiful toddlers. I am highly educated with a Master’s degree but I’ve never really had a “real” job. I don’t seem to be able to keep the jobs I have had and I never seem to have the motivation or confidence to look for jobs that are in line with my education and experience.
I have major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and bipolar type II. I was just diagnosed with the manic-depressive (bipolar) illness this past month. I also had a sleep study recently which revealed a […]
I don’t even know where to start. I hate the way I look and the mistakes I make. Basically everything about me. When I get embarrassed it’s not just no big deal just laugh it off, I remember every detail of how awful it was. I punish myself for it, even if it’s as small as stumbling over a word reading out loud in class, by scratching, cutting, or burning myself.
I hate being in crowds because that means a lot of people would have to bear to see my ugliness, which is […]
It’s been a long time since I posted here. I thought I had recovered – gone into “remission”, as they say. Now… I’m not sure I ever will. The ghost inside my head, it never sleeps, just rearranges thoughts and leaves me numb for weeks. Months. Years.
I’ve been trying to sleep for a while now, but my Ghost has his quirks. I can never sleep when I’m depressed. It’s not mania, because I don’t want to do a thing… (I am the anti-productive; last year when I went mad, I did absolutely nothing. I sat on staircases and didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t talk, didn’t resume. Instead, […]
I’m tired.
Tired of waking up.
Tired of trying.
Tired of fake smiling.
Tired of messing up.
Tired of being ugly.
Tired of never being good enough.
Tired of failing.
Tired of living.
Tired of breathing.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of letting things go.
Tired of feeling numb.
Tired of not knowing.
Tired of boys.
Tired of family.
Tired of Homework.
Tired of School.
Tired of my secret life.
Tired of not being me.
Tired of not knowing me.
Tired of everything.
Tired of cutting.
Tired of life.
I need to finally, rest in peace.
… if it will hurt when I do it.
…if I will have any last minute regrets.
… if my family will forgive me.
… if I can really go through with it.
… if I really want to go through with it.
… if I don’t go through with it, how long until the unreality
                           drives me nuts.  Â
Then I’m back to “I can’t live like this”,
and I Wonder…
… if Matt, my shrink will forgive me.
… if he will understand that he didn’t fail me, I failed myself.
… if he will understand how much it hurts knowing I can’t call        Â
                            when I do it because he will call 911Â
                           when he realizes […]
Educate yourself to the real problems of this world and you have a reason to live that’s bigger than any one person my email is ryanover@live.ca and I will be more then glad to give you such information.
So I just learned that my dad won’t let my friend Meghan come over for a sleepover. We were planning on screwing with my keyboard maybe doing some dub stuff in an effort to start a band and do something creative with our lives.
Which sounds fucking awesome if my Dad would let us sleep in the same fucking room. His plan is that Meghan sleeps in the upstairs bedroom away from me because he assumes we’re gonna do it.
OH, THANKS. I’M CLEARLY A FUCKING RAPIST OR A PERVERT. What the fuck!? You’re my fucking Dad, you asshole! So now what? OH yeah! I can’t have […]
Has anyone heard from bloody rose lately? I’m worried about her, I know she’s going through hell right now with her dad dying and I hope she’s okay.
On friday i had a can of bug spray in my bookbag (i forgot to take it out in the morning)and i accidently put my binder on top of it so it started spraying all over my bookbag (thank god it was the end of class) i had to run to the bathroom wash my binder rap the can in toilet paper and threw it in the garbage then i wrote about it in my journal i write all the fights my parents have in there and i write some other thngs to one day im going to get it published soooo my lil sister […]