everything i read points to both 🙁

I miss having good people to talk to.

I’m not suicidal.

I’m still going through hard times and would be nice to make a new friend.

I miss some of the friends I’ve made here years ago. They were always the most understanding.

My mind is like a maze.

Trying to think positive, but always go to the negatives.

I need to escape this pain, this hurt, these thoughts.

”Kill yourself.”

“Cut yourself”

I’m in class, then boom…

It hits me, all of a sudden I want to die.

At night my thoughts races, for seconds, minutes, and hours.

They don’t stop until midnight.

Six hours until you have to wake up, yet you still can’t fall asleep.

You wake up to your alarm, wondering how you even fell asleep with your mind so active at night.

You then have to go to school just to do it all over again.

When will my mind stop?

Please let me die.
Please let me die.
Please let me die.

Every single night for nearly a decade now.

Everyone says …

”you’re not trying hard enough.”

”you want attention.”

”you want a reaction.”

”you don’t really want to die.”

But, no one knows what goes on in my mind. No one knows anything about me, they all just assume. They assume I can get better, but when you have this thing inside of you telling you that you should just die, it gets hard to even get yourself to try things to get better. I have tried many things. Went to therapy for a year and a half about, and come to find out my therapist told me she could do anything else for me. I’ve been in […]

It followed.

It followed me everywhere.

When I woke up

When I ate

When I showered

When I studied

When I slept

A shadow replicated by me

A shadow of pain…

Anger…

Guilt…

Burdens…

Insecurities…

It followed me every single second of my life

Now it disappeared

Now everything felt like nothing

Now the shadow became a vast of nothingness. Thats exactly how I feel right now.

Im going to share a case that happened. I cant believe it really happened, I dont know how it can happen in reality. This was news, I dont know the exact details. A mother with mental health issues fed her child for 21 years with milk and biscuits and the child remained retarded with the mind and body of a seven year old. Can you believe it? How come no one noticed or intervine for all those years and let it happen?

I grew up in poverty. I was molested at the age of 8 which made me feel like all I was as a child was a target for bullies. I was invisible until someone wanted to bully me; tease me. I was raised by a single mom who neglected me (and my siblings). There were times when we didn’t even have food. I had 3 younger siblings that I was pretty much left in charge of. When my dad was in my life (he abused drugs) and at times was abusive towards us kids, including verbally. We were all in foster homes at one point […]

Too much loneliness and isolation in my life. I don’t like this place I live in, the people. I don’t know where should I go or what to do to live a better life.

How to escape when im the problem

bad news: got fired from work today

good news: have everything I need to end this nightmare

My life sucks,nothing in my life ever goes right.I don’t have any friends and the one friend i had was killed on July 11th 2019. I get bullied every single day,it’s so bad that I hate to even leave my home.The people who enjoy bullying me have called me horrible names,they say mean things to me,they actually do lots of horrible things to me.

I have lots of bad thoughts about ending my life just so I don’t have to deal with them anymore,I mean who would miss me if I did kill myself? No one right? No one would care and I’m sure my bullies […]

what to even say.  i’m waiting on medical equipment that helps me sleep, this is the longest i’ve gone without it in 11 years.  everything is just worse.  i feel awful. physically uncomfortable, emotionally stagnant and lonely.  unlovable and monstrous.  anxious and depressed. paranoid and volatile. my brain keeps trying to sabotage the good things that are happening in my life, namely my days with my girlfriend, and my upcoming trip to see her.  she loves me, and does her best to make me feel loved, but my brain has been trying to convince me that she doesn’t like me really- and i feel so […]

I cried tonight, for the first time in a very long, long time. I cried because for once, in forever, I felt that I was welcomed into a community. I wish to thank WaitLonger, Jack, Teresa’s Child and Yoges for welcoming me into this community on such short notice. I didn’t realize just how much I felt alone until I read your welcoming words. For any of you reading these words, please know that your words, your meanings , and your intentions mean a great deal, within and outside of SP.

I use to. Now i just want to sleep.

I really am just shooting the shit at this point. No matter what ambitions, goals or dreams I have had, I never do shit to make them reality. I’ll do the slightest bit of work towards them then fall off for weeks at a time. I don’t deserve shit.

We were born into this world crying. We were stripped of our comfort and painfully thrown into an unknown and scary place. This world is inherently painful. We will leave it causing pain to others, contributing to the very suffering that loomed over us.

It is a mindless cycle of pain. There is nothing that anyone can do. Try and ignore the pain if you want, but that won’t mean that it will stop existing for you, or for everyone else. It won’t mean that babies will be born joyful and the dying would radiate happiness. It won’t change reality.

I have none.

Everything is a part of the Universe. You are. Unfortunately I am as well. I am the part of the Universe that hates itself. I hate. That is me at my core, it’s what I am.

I genuinely hate everything. I hate you. I can’t say that it’s not personal. It is. I hate you in every possible way, because you’re a human, because you’re a part of society, because you exist in this Universe. I hate everything that exists. This is just what my function is. This isn’t a choice for me, but if it was, this is what I will choose.

These are not just […]