I think the idea suicide has only one advantage.

It never goes away.

Since I have decided that no matter what happens in the coming years I am NOT going to kill myself, I have had this thought running through my unconscious mind.

“It’s not like the oppurtunity is going to go away”.

It’s not. No matter what happens, the oppurtunity to commit suicide will never go away as long as I am alive. It’s free will, if I don’t want to wait to get old and die then I could just end it myself someday, when I feel like I have lived my life to the fullest and I […]

Oh,  I’ m feeling so desperate right now.
I don’t see anything else than this four walls of my bedroom.I mean, no future, nothing.
There is no exit. No one to save me from myself.
I’m so sick of writing about the same stuff over and over again, but I can’t feel anything else.
I need to end it all but I have no how. I can’t stand the idea of pain. Psychologic or physical.
Oh damn. I hate writing this boring stuff but I need to vent somehow.
There is nothing I can do to put myself up, there is no excitment […]

Hey all 🙂

Now I know that’s not normally how you would expect a post to begin on this site but believe it or not I’m actually quite happy at the moment…I don’t really remember when I actually first came here it was probably about a week or so ago now and believe it or not things have actually gotten worse O.O I know shocker…basically the girl who I’d fallen for today I said goodbye too…possibly forever which is painful…but I dunno I’m feeling okay I guess erm…hmm yeah I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about the things I wanna do with my life…moving out […]

alright well i feel better i guess, suicide still no not as much , i think getting help and finding a new place to live , stopped mistreating shit , i feel better, but all i know its gunna take one small thing to make me sad. and then i might lose control i don’t want to but i just don’t know,well thats all .

i hate my life, i have never been happy, i cut myself to cope with all the bad things that go through my head just to try and get through every day. I just want it all to end……..

why does it only take one small thing to demolish all the hard work you have done to get to the mental point you are at, at this very moment in time, one hurtful comment or slip in judgement could be the thing than pushes you over the edge, the person could have no idea how you are feeling inside but still chose to say what they feel like. another thing that can sets me off is listen to music that is about relationships, the one thing that used to make me happy now kills me deep inside, but there is nothing I can do […]

Jimmy Wilder and I used to be best friends when were kids, since we were five years old. I used to be bullied all the time at school and no one ever wanted to talk to me, they all said I was weird because my hair was too long and my eyes were too blue, like I was an alien for being different, actually I guess that analogy makes a lot of sense.

But not Jimmy. No, Jimmy and I spent every waking moment we could together, throwing rocks into the river and making wishes on them, making up stories about giant alligators that would come […]

LOST. One word to describe how I feel. I am down, depressed, confused. I want to know what’s going on. I am beyond the words of stressed and I have practiced pulling the trigger, but if it came to it, could I do it? I have failed once and got a DUI for it. I am nothing but a wimp. A looser and a waste of air. Cremate my body and dump the ashes, I dont deserve my spot 6ft under. I dont want to be this fake person no more. I just want to tell people who ask if everything is okay the truth. […]

Today, as I talked to my wife how to save our marriage, I poured out my deepest thoughts to her, as she listened with little or no compassion . My heart just cracked in a millon parts and the small light I did see at the end of the tunnel was destroyed. All the thoughts of ending my life came running back faster than. Ever.

You know, I’ve come a long way with my current therapist. I’ve had so many of them but not once, except with this one, have I ever been fully understood. I think that my problems are very different from others’ so it may have been that that made it difficult to “connect” with previous therapists. Fundamentally, my problems are probably the same as anyone elses. I yearn for companionship; platonic or otherwise. I yearn for acceptance, gratification, fulfillment, a purpose, to be happy, etc.. All of those are rudimentary foundations for humans to desire. What separates my problems from others is my perception of things […]

I feel suicidal today but not in the ways I have felt in the past. I know this will pass, it does, every time I think I can’t make it another minute, hour or day, I wait. It does pass, I do not want to stop being here, never seeing my dog’s loving face, my kids, the grandchildren I might someday have, never laughing my ass off because I am watching something so funny like The Marx Brothers, or Monty Python, hearing or reading a funny letter or joke. I love fruit, I can’t eat much of it with IC, but the thought of never […]

I’ve been living up in Waterford, Wisconsin with my father for awhile, and while I’ve been here, I’ve met some pretty incredible people who are changing my life every day.

The most important of these people has been a little girl by the name of Cameron.

I met Cameron in one of the most unique ways I’ve ever met another human being, especially considering this one is an eight year old girl: inside a bar.

My father was inside working his magic with the bartender, being all friendly like he always is, and he decided to drag me along that day, so instead of meet all his drunk […]

This is a great site because it shows that people aren’t alone in having these thoughts.
I just hope there will be less stigma about suicidality. Maybe some day it will be seen as a non-fault situation a person did not want to get into, like appendicitis. I don’t think anyone would choose to be in this situation. There should be no stigma, no insinuation that the person is talking about it to be manipulative, but instead just help.

I’ve been thinking a lot about irony lately, and Ive come up with the greatest example of it.

My name.

A Violet is a flower; a beautiful, dark, mesmerizing flower. In fact, it’s a lot like me.

I’ve noticed that a Violet and i have a lot in common, and not just because it’s my name, but because like a Violet flower, I am only in season every once in awhile. I am only actually happy once in a great while, just as the flower only blooms in the springtime when everything is gorgeous and the world seems perfect.

I wish I weren’t a flower, but I can’t help […]

My whole life has been one traumatic event after another. Most of my young childhood memories are of my mother beating on my older brother and sister. When my older sister got married and moved out of the house my mother then turned her aggression towards me. It wasnt so bad as long as i stayed out of her sight. So that is what i did. We moved to texas when I was 12. The first couple of months mother was oddly pleasant. It felt like things may be getting better. Guess again! It was just the calm before the storm. Mother on top of […]

HEllo all,
When you have decided to leave this world, how beautifull every thing looks, how good every one around you seems, but its that i dont fit in here … I wish i did …

For some reason, the person who matters to me the most keep making me feel i am nothing to them, thats why I try to keep myself isolated, but an angel came into my life, turned my life upside down, life was like a music. First I did not want to trust her too, because I was scared, Scared that she would leave me too, but then I asked myself, […]

I’m 25 years old and often ask myself why I keep on going.   I am a social failure.  I have a horrible time keeping new friends or lovers, and the ones who actually do want to be friends/lovers with me bore me to no end.  This does not mean that I find myself disliking anyone who likes me automatically, but, coincidentally, virtually everyone who I like dislikes me and many of the people I dislike like me.

Even my old friends, or the people I used to think were my friends, seem to want nothing to do with me.   I only talk to my […]

How do you tell the person you love that you simply can’t stand them?

I’ve been in love with the same guy for over a year. Seems like a short time, but for me, it might as well be a lifetime.

It’s never been easy for me to love someone, in fact i’ve never been in love like this before, but i know it’s love because i hate him. I hate him every fiber of my being. WE were perfect, for lack of a better word. No, actually we werent perfect, or else I wouldnt be in this mess right? He was perfect. When I was a little girl […]

well. here it is. im gunning (pun intended) for july 4. but it might be too close to the birthday of my friend/the girl i love. if not i will probably go for a later date in july. well. im sorry to all who tried to help me. in the end i knew i would fail you all. just like i always have. ill try to keep posting something up to my final moments. im sorry everyone.. but i have decided permently to commit suicide by firearm very soon. but now ill at least be finally happy…

He has no idea the control he has over me. There is nothing worse than being ignored by someone you love. I feel so inferior around him. All of my imperfections are layed out infront of me, taunting me-you’re not good enough.

Love is such an unhealthy addiction… it gives someone the power to break you.