Another family member died. I feel like it’s my time, too. There really isn’t a tomorrow. It’s going to be like this forever.

It’s crazy how callous the world is. How people are able to notice extreme suffering and not offer to help. Spitting at them, instead. I don’t want to do it anymore. It isn’t worth it. As everyone says, I’m not worth it. What does the elderly mean to the nasty rich, with all the power in the world? When that stuff is the last sound they hear. How can nobody care after being told about it? That’s all I did was wait for […]

I haven’t been here in some time, and frankly yes things have gotten better, not because of fortune alone but because I confronted the fact, that nobody is going to help me out save me. I write here not to give some insulting life story of inspiration though. I write in here because we face the same foe, and it is a most formiddable and terrible abomnation. We are depressed…just as the system requires. For 10 000 years the leadership have been attempting control and destroy humanity but never before have they been so banded together (so far as we know). The past 200 years […]

All we wanted was a decent life- a decent job with a decent income, in a decent house, in a decent neighborhood, be able to afford food, healthcare, etc. Maybe even a reasonably nice house or neighborhood. But everything is out of reach for many of us. For many of us, we have shit lives, in shitty apts, in shitty neighborhoods, shackled in invisible chains. The poor have invisible chains around their necks and feet. We do NOT have Freedom. The poor are never free. And no, the “poor” isn’t a tiny percentage. HALF of America are […]

No, that’s just some crackpipe bullshit Big Phar.ma made up. If medication doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean you have “treatment resistant depression.” It just means what Big Phar.ma is shovelling down your throat doesn’t work, bc it doesn’t. If you have a gushing wound, taking a pill won’t help. If you are dehydrated, taking a pill doesn’t help. You need to address the problem.

I have deep depression. But If I was given enough money and a nice house in a nice area and had enough guaranteed money to live on to buy food and other stuff and felt secure, […]

My legs hurt like hell, still, from Monday afternoon when I last crawled around my attic to work on the security system

OH, and I broke a $15 hole saw…. which was frustrating. Then when I went to the store to get a cheaper version I could not get anyone to help me with it. It occurs to me as strange, when I go to the electronics store I’m swarmed with employees, and I know what I’m doing THERE….. but I’m still figuring out some stuff at the hardware store…. there are still tools I’ve never bought or only bought once.

It makes me wonder what will […]

Our family lost a beautiful, energetic, kind, compassionate and lovely soul on July 5, 2023.  Hannah Marie Eddington Lamb, born February 21, 1992, passed away unexpectedly at the age of 31. Hannah was born in Little Rock, raised in Benton, Ark. and lived in Nashville, Tenn. She was an intelligent, curious, caring, strong willed, and loving daughter, sister, wife, mother, teacher and friend. She loved dancing, playing with her daughters, reading, singing, and playing board games at family gatherings. Hannah had a gift […]

So, the long boring backstory you can probably skip, though it probably won’t be as long as it should be because I don’t have the attention span for that right now.
My boss/company owner was married when I started my job. I was married. 3 months later she and her husband are fighting because a guy that worked here was caught kissing her. She said he was trying to rape her and he was fired within the week. Another 3 months later and she’s cheating with the office gal, both are married and are poorly keeping it a secret. She divorces her husband to […]

Wish to fucking hell I could re-wind the last few years of my life. I would do it all so differently and not make the choices I’ve made (mainly of moving from x bad place to y shitty place to z even shittier place). And I moved bc of “free rent.” That’s how this shit started. Sigh.

I’m now stuck in a shit situation. I get in a worse position every fucking time I move, bc every place has been worse than the last.

And NO, I CANNOT stay here. It’s fucking awful. I need to leave but […]

it’s not funny how much I want to fly away and live in a different world. Somewhere where in a different place, different time, different rules and different way of life.

It’s goddamn awful where I am now. I shouldn’t have come here but I’m stuck…

FML FML FML

If only I had enough money to just pick up and go wherever I want to go, live wherever I want to live. I NEED to live in a nice, quiet house. All I get is hell…

I have become a very boring person. I don’t have fun anymore. I don’t know how to have fun. When I try to have fun it makes me feel empty. When I try to have a conversation with someone it becomes so dry. I have so many things to say, but the people I’ve been talking to don’t seem to really want to listen. Especially not that girl I met at the airport, I lost almost all my interest in her a few days ago, and now her one word replies don’t seem that appealing anymore. I still texted her today though. I tried to […]

Every time I create a connection with someone, whether that be a potential new friend or romantic partner, something goes wrong and I lose their contact info. So many phone numbers on pieces of paper have been misplaced and lost. So many phones have been broken and lost seemingly as a result of making a friend.

This has happened over 20 times now.

Prior to this I had a hard time making connections because in grade school, my father used to move a lot so I’d often switch schools every 1-2 years. It’s like companionship is forbidden for me or something. It’s so frustrating because many of […]

We’re all heading for a terrible trajectory, aren’t we? We wouldn’t be here on SP otherwise.

God, my life is awful. I need to escape this shithole and this shitlife.

in addition to keeping my dog with me 100% of the time, today I broke down and bought a CCTV system, security cameras

for those who missed the intro story; my neighbor is trying to steal natural gas, when he does he creates leaks which endanger everyone nearby, which includes my wife, my dog, and oh yeah, me. Two cats and two other dogs too, but those are technically surplus in my logbook.

I’m stubborn and old though. Not that old, 35, but stubborn […]

Without getting into an overly long and likely annoying story, I was drunk to blackout and decided to cut myself. So I debated for a while then got upset with myself and cut hard and fast. Immediately I thought, “oh fuck” and slammed the paper towel onto the wound. Panicking I start looking for anything to bandage this monster up with and finding nothing fast, I tell myself to stop being dramatic and it will be fine, lift the towel to assure myself that we’re okay, nope, not okay, definitely need stitches.

FUCK FUCK FUCK
More panic.

More panicking.

Look harder for wound closures or something. Throwing shit […]

im one of those people who can never be invisible even if they want to be.

every time im surrounded by people i feel as if i couldn’t be anymore lonely. even with my friends, my family all i ever feel is that there is a wall and the worst part is that it doesn’t bother me, i feel as if its better this way because if i tore down that wall i would be hurt time and time again just like before. and i doubt i’ll be able to make it through this time.

loneliness silently creeps in and stays with you, growing on you, feeding […]

We’re force fed conflicting messages. In one ear there’s “HELP IS AVAILABLE! REACH OUT!” while in the other ear is “YOU HAVE TO WANT TO GET BETTER! GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES!”

In other words, from birth you’re given 2 completely opposite set of instructions. The 1st says you’re supposed to ask for help, while the 2nd says stop whining, you’re on your own.

Instruction set #1 would’ve been nice, but it never worked for me. Every time I reached out for help I was either ignored, ridiculed or outright exploited. So I went with instruction set #2. And aside from me being totally fucked in […]

I constantly think about suicide—mainly hanging myself—yet I can’t seem to bring myself to do it.

I keep thinking about hanging myself. Tying the noose, putting it around my neck, and the way my body will look afterwards. It plays through my mind constantly.

It comforts me in a strange way. I’ve been going through her and I’s texts lately. It brought back memories and feelings I wish I didn’t have. Whenever the emotions overwhelm me I just think about suicide to push it back down.

Yet I can’t bring myself to do it. I would say I’m tired of being alive and feeling the way I do […]

I know that’s not going to happen, but I wish it would. I can’t seem to fix my own life, no matter what I’ve tried or done. I’m so broken. I’m like pieces of a mirror or glass that’s shattered, and need someone to help me glue the pieces back together.

I’m so tired of a broken life. But now my body and mind is broken as well, so HOW am I going to fix my life now??? :'(