Tag:

Afraid

by checherose555 9/30/2017

written by checherose555

An internet search on the phrase, “I’m so stupid”, landed me here tonight.

I’m not sure if its fate or not; but it’s ironic that I’m here, as I’ve been having somewhat of a breakdown since yesterday.

I used to have suicidal thoughts when I was much younger, but I could never muster up the courage to act on them. I wanted to believe I’d outgrown them, even though the feelings would creep in and out of my mind every once in a while. But I was in control, or so I believed. I’d have a few crying fits here and there, but I’d get over the […]

9/30/2017 2 comments

Afraid to be better

by chelle428 9/26/2015

written by chelle428

I’ve been feeling a bit better lately. I got a few calls for job interviews and even though I don’t have a guaranteed job yet I don’t feel as anxious about it. I just stared on antidepressants and counseling. My counselor is very nice which I’m glad because I was very nervous with her being from the same hospital at the horrible doctor I’ve talked about before. Even though things aren’t perfect and parts of me are still sad I don’t feel as consumed by it lately. But I’m also very fearful, it’s hard feeling for me to explain. I’ve been depressed since I was […]

9/26/2015 4 comments

I’m Afraid

by suicidalrazors 4/25/2015

written by suicidalrazors

I’m afraid, afraid to come home to my abusive parents.
Afraid to come home and wanting to cut again.
Afraid to come home and being alone…

4/25/2015 5 comments

Are you Afraid to Die?

by TheBoyWithRedShoes 12/2/2014

written by TheBoyWithRedShoes

I ask a question as old as it is cliche. I no longer fear the ambiguity of death as I once did. It is not the thought of the actual act of dying that scares me, but rather my willingness to let go. There is no reason for me to share my story. It is no sadder than any others. We all live with our own burdens and sins. Some of us choose to fight the good fight, to “keep on trucking” as the saying goes. Others of us get our lives cut short, never given the option. And some of us choose to tap out early, […]

12/2/2014 5 comments

Afraid

by Elliyis 11/19/2014

written by Elliyis

I’m more fearful of people than I am of death. I’m close to getting what I need to exit peacefully. It’s a shame that I have to hide my intentions or face being locked up. I just want the noise to stop, the mind to cease its chatter, to stop being a slave. To be free of my body, cruel people, and the infirmities of human kind. A peaceful place to rest is where I wish to be.

11/19/2014 1 comment

Black

by Bisban 10/4/2014

written by Bisban

What will be re-alive
I am the Muk
Reached into the dark
A deepest, never to be
I walk because I die
To live

Is the mold beneath
Afraid to wonder
But no matter
The ground below
Maybe we’ll go
Where can we

The year of the horse
The earth, the metal
You are strong, of all
Your creation, my Gaia
My celestial Mother
Two-thousand years, and you bleed

10/4/2014 0 comment

why are YOU still alive?

by 45caliberdeath 10/2/2014

written by 45caliberdeath

Still have hope for a better life?

Don’t want to cause pain to loved ones?

Don’t really want to be dead yet and just exploring the possibility of one’s “exit options”?

Use the thought of suicide just to self-sooth the pain?

Ambivalent about dying?

Lack of courage to commit suicide?

Procrastination on suicide?

Afraid of failing your attempt and ending up in a worse state?

Fear of death/hell/afterlife/God’s judgement?

Or something else?

I’m only here because I’m afraid of failing and ending up in a worse state… There are things far worse than death. For instance, my current life. But it would be much, much worse if I end up with brain injury and in […]

10/2/2014 22 comments

Suicidal Ideation and Knives

by P03T3SS 7/4/2014

written by P03T3SS

Whenever I wash the dishes, it’s always the knives that get to me. I’m very careful when washing and drying knives by hand. I am particularly careful with chef or butcher knives, especially at my grandfather’s house.

But today, as well as the previous day, I’ve felt suicidal. There are many reasons why I hate knives, and suicide or self-harm is one (or rather two) of those reasons…

Me washing a big knife, drying it, and then putting it into the drawer (with all the other chef knives)… It makes me feel so numb. There I am, standing there, envisioning myself stabbing diagonally, into my chest, from […]

7/4/2014 2 comments

Because it’s always raining in my head.

by alina_01 6/6/2014

written by alina_01

I know the difference between what is wrong and what is right. I know what I probably should do and what I choose to still do. I am AFRAID absolutely terrified because there is no real hope this time around. Why can’t anyone hear me or even see that I’m just scared?! I know the mistakes I’m making I know how my current decisions are hurting me. But i’m scared to be happy i’m scared to enjoy life, so scared that I’d rather just die now to avoid it. I don’t want to have a friend that I connect with and have the most awesome […]

6/6/2014 14 comments

Afraid

by nowheretoruntowards 5/8/2014

written by nowheretoruntowards

I want to die, tonight. But, I’m afraid that someone close would find me. I want to raid my family’s medicine cabinet and drift away in my sleep. But, I’m afraid of the person that would try to wake me up. The sad part is, that no one fully gets that something is wrong with me until it’s something turns into a disaster. But, they will be afraid that it was already too late.

5/8/2014 2 comments

by LetItGo 3/4/2014

written by LetItGo

Just a song I found that expresses how I feel towards my sister:

Youâ€™re too mean, I donâ€™t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I wonâ€™t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I

*Song: Afraid by The Neighbourhood*

3/4/2014 3 comments

Don’t know if I can take it anymore.

by . 2/3/2014

written by .

I’m just completely lost. I don’t know if I should end it already. I’ve been put through so much bullshit that I’m completely fed up. I was molested by my dad’s friend which my dad doesn’t know about because I was young and scared that he’d do something to my family cause he claimed he will if I ever told. I still haven’t said anything and it’s been years. I’ve also be bullied by everyone. Even my own family. I’ve always been really into sports and I’m a girl so my parents, sisters, and brother would always call me a boy because of it. Also, […]

2/3/2014 4 comments

Eating Disorder?

by SecretFeelings 8/28/2013

written by SecretFeelings

I don’t know. I battle this little thing in my head that tells me to stop eating. “Stop eating! Your thighs are getting bigger, your appearance is getting uglier. Stop!” But I don’t listen. I eat away. No, I don’t throw it up, I don’t take laxatives. Nothing. I’m afraid that someday, that voice will win. I want to to stop. I’m craving the taste of hunger pains. It’s an urge inside of me. Why am I like this? I know I will accomplish not eating. I know it. But when?

8/28/2013 4 comments

I just want to be normal.

by Engeltje 4/4/2013

written by Engeltje

I constantly ask myself: “Why can’t I just be normal?” I mean, I can’t go to school, but normal people can. I can’t call to someone, normal people can. I’m afraid to be outside alone or in the dark, normal people aren’t afraid for that. There are so many things that I wish that they were the same as ‘normal’ people. But probably I can’t be normal, but it’s hard for me to accept that…

4/4/2013 12 comments

good fucking night.

by b1urr 3/28/2013

written by b1urr

the hallucinations begin
theÂ maggotsÂ crawling on my skin
searching for each fresh wound
wanting to bury deep inside
this dark rotting flesh
of mine
i cry
i only wish to rest
lying here is absolutely
no â€œgood nightâ€
paranoia
filling my mind
drowning in sorrow and pain
this feeling wonâ€™t fucking go away
but i have no God
i can not pray
not for this night
nor for any other day.

3/28/2013 0 comment

I never thought I would end up like this…

by Lilly 3/10/2012

written by Lilly

This is my first post on this website, but I know I’ll end up coming back here.

I never thought that I would end up on a site like this, struggling with my identity and hurting myself physically and mentally. I feel dirty and shameful and hypocritical. I always tell my friends and anyone who will listen to never never EVER hurt yourself, that it’s a horrible thing to do and that people love them, but when I do it, it becomes something else. I don’t want anyone to know. It’s my secret. And I don’t want to stop.

I don’t know if I would really say […]

3/10/2012 2 comments

I’m lost in my soul, and trapped in my mind</3

by ALLbeletsHAPPY 2/20/2012

written by ALLbeletsHAPPY

Hey all. Up until 5 days ago, I cut myself every night. I decided I need to stop. It was not helping anymore, and it was becomming a huge problem. or should I say it is a big problem. yeah.. yeahÂ it is. Today I couldnt help myself. I cant cope with reality. I feel like we have no purpose. We are born, we die. There is nothing to live for. Im lost in the universe. Im just afraid of what is and what there could be. And all the shit going on in my life. Moving, parents divorce, alcoholic dad, annoying sisters. no one […]

2/20/2012 6 comments

Untitled

by painterofmusic 5/20/2009

written by painterofmusic

So, what happenedâ€¦ Thursday night, I downed a bottle of medicine, because someone three fries short of a happy meal wrote on a website that â€œliquid is absorbed faster than pills.â€ So I thoughtâ€¦ I die faster, and I fall asleep before I suffer. So much for that ideaâ€¦

Obviously, my plan didnâ€™t work. I didnâ€™t have to go to the hospital or anything, though. I downed it, and my heart was pounding, to the point that I just knew I was going to die. So I laid down in bed, pulled the covers over my head, turned on Relient K, and tried to go to […]

5/20/2009 3 comments

Surely I Won’t Go to Hell…

by painterofmusic 5/12/2009

written by painterofmusic

Since I keep coming back here, I have to throw in my cent andÂ half. I’ve noticed a couple of things, before I go into my horrible depths of self-pity… First, I thought I was the only one who wrote with proper grammar. Gosh, does it sound horrible that I would notice such a thing when I’m low enough to even be on this website? But honestly, I’ve barely known what people were talking about when I’ve read other forums on random things. Please, any grammar dorks on here, go to yahoo! answers with a red pen and you’ll come back satisfied. But I can understand […]

5/12/2009 3 comments