its weird how a few cuts to the wrist can take away so much pain from inside can distract my mind from eating me alive for them few moments everything is ok I’m in control I feel alive its proberly the only time I actually feel comfortable with myself until I stop all my problems seem to go away but the demons will be back soon And il get lost in my thoughts once again
Tag:
alive
“death
deTH/
noun
…the end of the life of a person or organism. “
I feel there’s a minor difference between being dead and not being alive.
In truth, nobody wants to die; to face death; to end our lives.
In broader terms, I just think we don’t want to live life; to be alive. But its still not death we wish for.
In clearer terms, we solely wish to not experience living. None of us want to experience death either.
Think of it as getting the opportunity to merely watch our lives on TV. We’ll witness, but we wish not to experience. We’ll hear, but we wish not to listen. We’ll see, but we […]
Life should be so much more than staying alive. So often, I want to leave, to go on to a better existence. But it doesn’t go any further because I don’t want to hurt my mom & children. And yet what kind of existence is it to merely survive?
Why does it feel
that Mr. sharp
is the only one
that loves me?
Why is he
the only one
that is able
to make me forget?
the only one that
makes me feel like
i matter?
do i really?
why does it
feel so
good
when my skin
rips open?
Why do
I crave to feel the
pain that he
leaves behind?
I know.
because its the
only thing
reminding me
I’m still alive.
we are very much like our friends in the wild; the world we live in is a survival of the fittest. But to this I say, let the fittest survive! Survival is overrated. We’re alive; we die. How long we survive for is of little significance. Our true significance lies not in the endless comparing of ourselves to one another, trying to see who is the fittest, using scales of evaluation and meaning that differ in the heart and mind of every individual; no – it lies in our deeds alone with the time we have.
I know, I know, big fuckin’ surprise coming from me. Not like I’ve posted stuff about a few different girls a few billion times the past year or so. Honestly it’s getting stale isn’t it? ‘Course I spice it up with a bit of shitty writing chucked in there too, but mostly it’s girls, girls, girls. Where’s the depression, the suicide, the goddamn anxiety!? If I felt like being a smartass I’d say it’s all in my head, and that’d be true enough, but on the subject of me being slightly off topic of what this site has set out to do, it’s hidden in […]
I’m a train wreck. Moods swinging on a damn pendulum. I’m happily depressed. I’m miserably excited.
I’m too alive to die, but too dead to live.
My brains churning out 60 ideas for things a minute. Simultaneously explaining why I’m a stupid piece of shit and deserve to die.
I’m getting so much encouragement here, but discouragement at home. I’m drawn to some of you like the insane idiot I am while compulsively closing myself from reality. I don’t know what the fuck I’m even saying.
Its been a while and ive came to the conclusion that nobody gives a fuck about me. And if the only way I can be cared about is if I was dead then so be it. Id rather be dead and loved then be alive and hated.
My cuts say just how much I despise myself. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I see a monster. A fragment and shadow of a person I used to be. Was I ever alive? I definitely don’t feel alive. I constantly need something to remind me that I’m alive.
I don’t know why my heart is still beating. It should have stopped a long time ago. I just keep postponing the inevitable. I will die anyway. We all will. So, why don’t I just end it now? I want it to end now. End it now before it gets broken and hurt […]
Happy February everyone… Today it is 70 degrees. My favorite temp. Not too cold, not too hot. Just perfect. I feel alive today. I stepped outside and felt the nice cool breeze on my skin. Spring is going to come early this year here in Virginia beach. It’s been a warm winter. I’m gonna go to the beach today or go to our state park and walk on the trails.
For some reason, days like this make me happy that i haven’t given up yet on life. It’s so peaceful out and pretty. I wish every day was like this.
I hope all of your days […]
I can’t put the knife down.
I need a reason to live. Someone give me a reason to live!!
I love my mother. I love her so much, I don’t ever want to hurt her. My family is the only reason keeping me alive. But right now, I don’t really care about that. I’m too blinded by the pain, I just can’t take it anymore. I want to die so bad.
Cutting has gone this far. The pain doesn’t want to go away anymore. My heart is so heavy.
Why? Why is everything so fucking hard? I thought I was getting better. I thought my feelings and emotions were returning. I thought I was finally feeling human again.
But I’m not.
I don’t feel alive. I’m stuck in the middle. Between life and death. I was trying to choose life, but it’s not working. I can’t choose death. Not yet.
I want to die, but I can’t. I try to live, but it’s hard. Life never brings anything for me. Death is well within reach, but I can’t end it.
I hate being STUCK. I hate being TRAPPED.
When is the pain going to end?
I don’t want to cut […]
Hello all, first time poster here, and I know not how long I’ll be around to post again.
I was born just as any other fortunate kid – to a loving family that deeply cared for me. When I was young, and growing up, I engaged in many of the same activities a kid from my time period engaged in: television, Nintendo, sports when the weather permitted, etc. I was never abused by my parents, and only received discipline when I stepped out of line (which I deserved). I was also a bit spoiled as I grew up – my mother brought in a salary of […]
death has always been there just as frequent as the air i breathe to stay alive. i didnt know lucifer wanted to take me under his wing & hold me close. i met several if his demon friends, all wrapped up in allure. he told me to not underestimate any feeling. from anyone.
Why are we alive? Why were we put here on Earth to live? People say the meaning of life is to be happy, but few people ever experience long-term happiness. So what’s the point? If some of us are depressed, then we don’t have a reason to live and be happy. There is no point in living an empty life void of happiness. That’s why some become suicidal, right? There’s nothing left to live for.
Sadly still the fuck alive italics are fucking stupid aswell
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
The date is January 19th, 2016. I scroll through my email folders looking for old emails to delete and I come across a strange message saved in the bottom of a website folder.
[the suicide project]
Memories flooded back to me instantly. I log on and see that I’m an enigma. Just one draft from November 26th, 2013.
“Just don’t worry.”11/26/2013
I can’t help it. My brain is defective.
My name is Ashley. At the time of joining this website I was 18 years old and suffering through the worst depression that I had ever endured. The DEPO birth control shot was to blame, of course, but that just made […]
Nihilism hit me hard in my seventeenth year of existence. Pretty much all my life i’ve been looking for some “truth” or purpose behind the universe, so the realisation that we are monkeys on a rock, slowly parading towards our deaths while filling the time with seemingly pointless endeavours was quite hard to swallow.
So, why are you alive? Whats your point?
For me, its the gym. I dont know what it is about it, but when i go, my mind clears and its just a battle of me against myself, having to push myself to the edge.
Just 8:30 and im already drunk and depressed. Just took my meds so hopefully i fall asleep soon. I feel like im keeping myself alive waiting for something to live for when theres a million reasons not too. Im really close to giving up. But i might go back to cutting. Id rather do that then get drunk.