I hate feeling frustrated with this job too. I don’t have any options to get a full time job. But I’m supposed to be an equal with someone here, same position, same level, both leadership positions for others. But he’s taken over, and it’s like I suddenly have another boss, one that disapproves of everything I do, calls all the shots, and I have no freedom anymore. I was liking this so much because of the creative freedom the real boss gave me, and that my ideas were listened to and even liked. Now I’m back to this “no, no, no, I don’t like that, […]
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always
I thought I’d post what’s on my going on in the series of setbacks that is my life since I have no one else to talk to.
My car is having problems and it’s super old so I’d say it’s about done, and I don’t have the money to replace it. I had a nicer car before, but someone totaled it and openly admitted they knew the accident was their fault, they knew they were going to hit me and still hit me going 75 mph. His insurance had to cover that car, but the car title was in my dad’s name and my dad kept […]
“Latterly during the loneliness in which he found himself as he lay facing the back of the sofa, a loneliness in the midst of a populous town and surrounded by numerous acquaintances and relations but that yet could not have been more complete—either at the bottom of the sea or under the earth—during that terrible loneliness Ivan Ilyich had lived only in memories of the past. Pictures of his past rose before him one after another. They always began with what was nearest in time and then went back to what was most remote—to his childhood—and rested there.”
-Leo Tolstoy (The Death of Ivan Ilyich)
This exactly […]
Hey.
I can’t tell the difference between what is ‘reasonable’ and ‘depressed’ most of the time. Has anyone ever read a journal entry years ago? How does it make you feel? When I was a teenager, I would look back a year or so and feel positively embarrassed.
If I look now, I feel something else. I don’t feel so many years prouder. I feel sadness, and resentment. I didn’t make it out.
Ah, typing this, I’m afraid I don’t sound much different at all.
Alright. Let’s get this out before I waste any more of your time. I’m a gay guy. If this upsets you, scroll […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So when I was around 17 years old, I was quite the insecure little guy (still am, just not as bad). I always hated how I looked, thought I looked weird, that everyone was always staring at me, never satisfied with my appearance. I was in and out of school, really only attending classes if any friends were in it, art class, etc… So I remember one time I got my hair cut and I thought it just looked awful and too short (I had my bangs covering my eyebrows because I really fucked up plucking them and they looked awful), I was unaware and […]
I just wanted to know some things that keep everyone going or make you feel better when you’re down and things of that nature?
Mine is my two horses who I love very much and my 7 year old nephew. When I’m down I also think of once when my nephew was asking me and my sister (his mom) if he would die one day and so we told him yes, but he had a very long time before he would ever have to worry about that and then he asked me if I would die one and I told him yes and he started crying […]
I can’t help it. I’ve always been short for a guy but it never bothered me until a couple of years ago when my hair started shedding. I don’t want to be short and bald. Plus, I’m convinced that my hair loss isn’t normal – I think I’ve developed some kind of food allergy because after eating certain foods my face looks like it’s retaining water and the circles under my eyes get darker.
My parents won’t let me get tested because they say it’s too expensive and they claim they don’t notice any of the issues I’m talking about. It makes me feel like I’m […]
Hello again,
This post is different from what I usually see on here but I am hoping that it can help me to share it with you guys. I’m baring my soul here: This is a diary entry from a few weeks ago, I am quoting straight from my diary because after hearing opposing opinions on the story, I do not know what to believe anymore and I wrote this right after it happened so this is exactly how I remember it.
“Friday I drank way too much. Puked 3 times? I wanted to go somewhere to chill, last year I always went to the guys’ dorm to hang, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hi guys, hope you good, got some favors to ask.
I want to see a therapist, but I don’t know what the deal is with me, this sadness I carry, always thinking about how the living dies and hurts others in horrible ways and I can’t just do anything, can just watch. The only thing I can do is to be there for the ones I love but even then, nothing is sure. I don’t even want to die that bad now, I feel like I have a job to finish here. It feels like that my sadness drives me on since no long, but what […]
God dealt me the shit hand really I didn’t asked to be born a fuck up iv come to terms with the first born child is always really a mistake having to stumble though life trying to find your purpose or meaning then you have all the life experience that mess you up and make you self harm depressed and anxious about everything then the doctors want to give you meds just to keep you on a level or think they can fix you but can you really fix something that was broken to begin with don’t see the point in the struggle anymore I feel […]
I’ve been writing like a kind of journal about how i feel and how its this pain killing me inside, and how hard is to hate yourself and have to deal with it just because you were born that way, and how difficult is to struggle waking up every morning when yesterday night you fell asleep crying and overthinking about how stupid and ugly and how much you wanna die, but there you are living again even when you haven’t ask for it, people judge because the way i feel, i didn’t ask for pain, who would actually think that i asked to hate myself […]
I want to pin you down
and kiss the breath out of your lungs
You’re perfect-
I mean it
To me, you always will be.
I knew that you were a beautiful person
From the moment I met you-
I could feel it.
I think-
you complete me.
The void is gone
when I’m with you.
Nothing hurts anymore.
I think-
I was wrong
It’s too much
You’re too much,
I just-
I want to be there for you,
I really do
And I want to love you
Unconditionally,
But
I’ve let you down
(too many times).
I know I promised,
but as you said,
I’m like the rest.
You should hate me.
Why don’t you hate me?
Just
Stop
Please
I think-
It’s better we never speak again
I awake to better days,
And to my distress, they meant nothing at all.
But I’ll let you know that I am doing fine.
Is it okay that I’ll say, you always cross my mind.
The pain I feel isn’t separation from you.
But the sadness of your soul and entity.
Now watch me hide this deep below this sentiment.
Cause I,
I love you.
I loved you.
I’ll let go and go away.
The time is passing you will stay.
I’m moving on if you stay gone.
I’ll let go and drift away.
The love has lost its better days,
I’m holding on if you stay gone.
The […]
it’s amazing how they told me, when i was younger, that i won’t feel this way forever. They always told me that it will get better and that i should stay strong. Well, I can’t stay strong forever and things are only getting worse. I don’t know how long I can hold on…
I remember talking to a friend about the way i felt. They answered “Maybe life just isn’t for you.” This broke me but maybe they were right…All I know now is that it had never gotten better, so why would it now?
Just because, I smile, doesn’t mean I don’t know pain
Just because, I laugh, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside
Just because, I don’t cry every moment of the day , doesn’t mean I don’t want to
Just because, I can seem strong, doesn’t mean every little thing can’t break me
Just because, I seem happy and okay, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I say ” I’m fine “, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I look like I’m independent, doesn’t mean I don’t need love
Just because, I am not saying this […]
Thank you all to everyone that has stood by me tonight in one way or another. Thank you for the company over the last year but more importantly over the last 2 days.
You have all been amazing.
I know so many of you if not all of you do not understand my choice and that is okay. You have all given me a great departing gift. Please continue to take care of one another as you always have. Our minds never have to be on the same page just support one another.
Now, I will ready myself for my exit. Is it wrong that I am going […]
I use to do a fun random quote of the day for my friends in the morning…here are some of them. Thought you guys might some of them funny.
Well, aren’t we a fun filled lollipop tripled dipped in psycho?
Me Crazy? Don’t make me get down off my unicorn and slap you!
Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes, but if I am still not back just read this message again.
Starting tomorrow – whatever life throws at me, I am just going to duck so it hits someone else.
My friend thinks he is so smart, he said onions are the only foods that make you cry. So […]
It’s finals week for us and I don’t know if I can take it any longer. My mom told me if I wanted to be a scientist, I’d have to move to another country because the government wouldn’t support my projects here and that someone might kill me, especially since I want to protect the environment here and people (like poachers, smugglers, and corporations) tend to try to kill those that do so. But the problem is, I want to work here and my parents think I should be either a doctor or go to another country. And my parents are sort of trying to […]