I’m a very cheerful person, in fact way too cheerful. I’m intensely outgoing and introverted, it’s hard for me to ever talk without having a smile on my face. I’m notorious among my peers for having a wild sense of humor. Nobody ever believes me when I tell them that I am in fact very depressed, and have been for a very long time. It’s very hard for me to be by myself because I get plagued by feelings of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Most of the latter due to boredom. I am always bored. It’s something I’ve complained about from a very young age, […]
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this morning I was called bipolar, they laughed at it and then started mocking me, saying I’m in denial about having bipolar (actually currently being assessed for it and the such like) then another person suggested multiple personality disorder, than the other replied ‘oh that’s you(me) all over, you’re always changing’ and then as we left form class I told them to shut it, but was told ‘mental illness is funny, I find your denial about bipolar amusing’. it hurts, it hurts so much when people say this stuff.
i just want to go to sleep for a few years and have a nice dream about being a boy.
i just want to be a boy.
i want to wake up and be happy and organized and energetic and peaceful and have a triangular body and a square jaw.
i want to be thin, but i also want to be strong.
i want to be him, and him, and him, and him.
(i want to be her.)
i wish i was beautiful, i wish i was perfect. i wish was my skin was new and pure.
(they’re so lucky, those beautiful people. i hope they know that.)
(i hope they […]
Hello everyone…I haven’t posted on here for a while. I sincerely apologize for my lack of absence…I said I would try to help people but I just left. I thought I was better…but I’m not sure anymore. I’ve been always feeling like I’m never good enough. I’m not good enough for school, I’m not good enough for my family, I’m not good enough for the ex girlfriend I still love, I’m not good enough to for anything. I don’t know what to do. It’s handicapping me from doing anything I want to because I’m positive I’ll screw something up as usual. I keep trying to […]
I’ve been to this site before (years ago) but never had the courage to sign up. But now.. Here I am. I’m gonna keep my story short
Depressed since I was in grade 3. Parents are always arguing. They aren’t the most supportive parents. A sibling that would torment me. High school was nothing but torment. I was a loner.
I’m now 26 years old and my life is still shit. I know the whole cliche “Your life will get better.” It does, but it can also gets worst.
I wish to be happier, but I can’t.. I feel like.. I don’t deserve any happiness.
As I […]
Hey guys, sorry, this is kind of my first post. Just I felt I needed to share some things that were on my mind. Don’t really feel comfortable talking about these things but it’s been weighing on me pretty heavily.
I’ve… well I mean there’s no easy way to say it… But I’ve contemplated suicide before. Never was able to do anything about it, but the thought goes through my head a lot more than I care to admit. I’ve just been having so much stress compiled on me, and so many things going through my head it’s just killing me.
The thing is I’m the last […]
Now what am i to do? Ive had depression and suffered for so long. i’m nearly 50 and w/o all hope. what am i to do? the best i can do is sleep as much as i can to just isolate b/c when i am around others i am always getting hurt. its a pathetic merry-go-round that i can get off of. i can even explain how i fee; and i certainly dont know what to do. sorry i have to exist. just sorry.
You don’t know how much I’ve tried to talk to people about how I feel. My depression is getting worse, no one listens. I wonder what it would be like if I was dead, would I finally be at peace?When I was 14 I was told every thing would be better and I was lied to. I’m 17 and my life is hell. I just need someone to listen to me! School is hell! I feel so alone there.. I get these looks like I’m the ugliest person alive and I feel like shit. I’m cluttered with shit tons of work and I can never […]
I hope you don’t mind me making a post for this.
I’ve seen you leaving loads of comments here lately, including on my long rants. They’re often long and always thoughtful and helpful, and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate them. 🙂 You’re a light here.
I’d managed to stop relapsing several times, especially after my university counsellor informed my parents of my so called ‘suicidal thoughts’. But that horrible feeling of spiralling down into an endless black hole returned, and I just really don’t know who to go to anymore. I suppose I’ll continue dealing with these shitty feelings. I just really want to know if this is depression or bipolar disorder, or am I just having a bad day. I’ve been having these ‘episodes’ for close to 7 years now, and I’d always thought that everyone felt this way. Now that I realise that it’s not, I just want […]
Do you ever feel so painfully average? Like everything about you is so boring that you get to the point of feeling nonexistent? I know that a lot of people on this website and around the world for that matter, hate themselves for being too different, but I can’t help but hate myself for being too regular. As a students perspective this is/was especially difficult growing up. With the new found trend of “Be different, Be you” I always had trouble with that. I was never the kid with the strange birthplace, I was never the kid with 10+ siblings. I’m aware this is all […]
I couldn’t tell by the look in your eyes
If it’s just the empty room
The empty heart
The empty scars
When fading away in an empty world
I bet deep inside you were just waiting for a chance to say goodbye
But I was never there
I’ve always been anywhere
You kept searching
I’ve always been anywhere
And you, you kept searching
When they both passed away,
It was too much for you to take
The walls came closer
The seasons got colder
The sickness took you away
And I watched you fall asleep
I couldn’t take my eyes from your face
Now you’re […]
Why?
Why am I so unhappy?
Why can’t I appreciate what I have right now?
My dad still gambles. My brother still has a “don’t care” attitude. My mom is still always stressed. But my family isn’t what upsets me anymore. I’ve given up on getting better with my family. My school is the issue. I have friends and they’re amazing people, but for some odd reason I feel like crap. Is it because I can’t trust them? Is it just me that’s being bratty? The school I go to is a good school. Nice people, good education, pretty decent teachers. But I hate it. […]
One day one day not feeling alone one day smiling and thinking it’ll be alright one day is all I got ik it won’t ever really be though always alone anyone else lonely feel free to message me I care and am easy to talk to usually kik is itsjustianmooneok email is shiftydaytoday@gmail.com
So I’m the type of person who is super neat and clean and always does work before play. I’m really good about getting my homework etc. done ahead of time, and pretty much love to work really hard with everything I do and tend to be an overachiever. I have had a bad day or two every now or then where I just slack off because I’m not in the mood or my depression is just getting the best of me, but its never held be back like this before. my rooms a mess, I haven’t touched my homework in a week or so and […]
Hello sp peeps.
I found this site a billion years ago. I wonder who of the old regulars are still alive and kicking? I see I must’ve deleted all my old posts except 3.
I am back here now, at this moment because something came over me tonight. (jesus mind the phrasing pls)
Hang in there and you can fucking beat this!!!
Ps. I kinda sorta got married this year <3
Last post on here before this one was somewhere mid September 2013.
Keep it real folks, don’t do stupid shit and know – there’s ALWAYS someone listening even if it is someone that you’ve never met or seen before, believe […]
The beast that we know as Paranoia, that’s always tugging at my mind, always forcing my mind into a state of wonder, into a thought pattern, like a cobweb,of catastrophic thoughts of what will happen if I’m not obedient.
But the worst of all, the beast that I fear the most, is myself. Tell me, please, is it my fault or is it just bad luck that I, of all people, was cursed with all this?
I remember years ago someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love. I tried. Did I?
written by freedomseeker
Here you are. There, you are. I love your person. I just love it. Sorry. Wasn’t on purpose… Just, like that. You were nice, you often are. You’re beautiful, I love your smile. I want to see it, always, forever, on your face. You deserve it. You’re a good person. I want to know who you are. I do. Sorry. You’re just the kind of person I feel good with. I don’t need to have a defensive posture. I feel like I can be myself, I feel like you’re talking to people and not to their position on the social scale. I’m sorry for looking […]
i wake up but I never truly wake up.
What at I mean is that my eyes open and my mind is awake to the idea of knowing it’s a new day and I need to get up. But my body is physically drained. My mentality is dead. My heart is tired and my motivation to get through another day is just nowhere to be found.
I am just so exhausted.
I have a job which I love but the motivation to get up is just…. I can’t. I hate it. My feet drag, my eyes water, I’m so tired, always. And it’s not a lack of sleep […]
I live a life that feels like a lie…. I smile and fake happiness because I feel like it is expected. My husband says “I don’t get it? Why are you always sad?” House, kids, job, family…. I should be happy right. What’s wrong with me that I live everyday wishing I had the guts to end it. To look at my “life” from the outside you would see a happy mother who always smiles, does activities with family, friends etc but it is all BS. I’m so tired. Tired of faking the smiles, tired of acting like everything […]