God – if you hear me, PLEASE don’t let me wake up again tomorrow – I just want to go away – I can’t do it myself – I’ve tried. Just let me leave this place – alone too long – and that’s the way it will always be – just let me sleep now – no more, no more – please no more
I’ve lost everything, my friends, my sister, my happiness. I use to be the happy person that would high five everyone in the hallway, the person you could count on. “Your the problem” “your not good enough” “why would I wanna hang out with a freak like you’ is all I hear now. Rejection and misery welcome me like my blanket at night. My friend’s all turned their back on me, and my sister, the only family I felt I could actually talk to and enjoy, is gone from this world, now all I have is my yorkie, I went into homeschool because the bullying […]
To Angela
Angela, this may be the last letter I write to you. I guess my time here is up. I’m sorry for everything… I didn’t mean to lie to you. This life is no fairy tale. This life is not a garden of sweet roses… rather, it is an fearful enigma of pain and sorrow. I thought that I could save you… give you happiness once and for all… but I am merely just a fantasy. I am fake. And though I have reached the crevice where I couldn’t reach out to you and pull you close to my chest again, but I need you […]
In the last couple days I am always crying, and most of the time for no reason and I can’t stop. I cry in bed, I laid down in floor and cry, I cry in front of the pc, at the window, while walking like a zombie in bedroom. And then I stop crying and I am without feelings, just there, quiet and empty. And sometimes when I cry I go from “I am going to kill myself right now” to “What? I want to live” to “I hate this universe!!” in a matter of seconds and several times in a row. Even the smallest […]
Everything I say is wrong
Which is why I’m here writing this song
Everything I do can never be right
Which is why I find it difficult to see the light
Everything I say leads me to apologise
Which is why I’m sitting here trying to realize
Everything I do will never be enough for you
Which is why I really don’t know what to do
Everything is messed up
Which is why I always say “yup”
Everything is always my fault
Which is why my life has come to a halt
Everything makes me want to end it all
Which is why I curl up into a ball
Everything is me
Which is why I don’t know if I […]
i remember in school, I had a couple times when girls pretended to like me and than made fun of me with there friends the next day. I remember this one was wanting to meet me at the park. Ha never happened.
The reason I brought this up is because that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday but over the fn Internet. I just wanna get all these memories out of my head. One tragedy always leads to existential breakdowns with me. Alcohol, pills, there only temporary. Death is forever.
I hate roller coasters…..the rides and the emotional ones. I want this fucking shit to just stop. […]
my life is at bay nothing bad but the ache in my heart. i really miss him but he seems over me. i fucking knew one of us was gonna get too attached and it was me. dammit i just want to forget about him. go back the few weeks i fell for him and change how things happened. my only 2 friends are being supportive and keeping me busy. my mind always wonders to him. everyday i think about him and i go to walk up to him but i see that hes with hes friends and today he was with a girl so […]
it seems whole life is the procrastination of one single moment of nothingness, when lifes shows itself with it’s full absence of meaning. soon it will pass. and how does it pass will always remain a mistery. maybe we’re just so obsessed with meanings, and so willing to impose an identity and causality to the great plurality of existence. our stubborness is the very origin of our anguish.
but how can we accept the pluralism of existence, if our own words just arrests us into the everlasting nostalgia for an other world?
i just don’t know.
the question is what the fuck did happen with my life for […]
I fully give up in finding housing. There’s absolutely no place for me in this world. I’m completely fucking useless and a throw away of society with a computer degree, (almost) film degree, and IQ of 137. It all means nothing. Homeless and transgender, physical disabilities and failing health due to homelessness and lack of sleep. No one gives a fuck and there is no help. No one wants to live with someone obese. No one wants to live with someone over the age of 30. No one will rent to someone with bad credit. No one will rent to someone who’s background check produces […]
The thought of death always occur to me. Eating, showering, every fucking time. But as always, I stay at the gray area. Always. Always. Both doors open at the same time. Change or death? Both seems so nice. Bipolar? Me? I dunno, man. I don’t get a fucking thing. Sometimes, I’m too high to function. Sometimes, I’m too low to function. AND WELL SOMETIMES I’M JUST A FUCKING COWARD. I am the worst. The most disgusting asshole. I am fucking weak. A coward. I am ugly. My body is too fucking thin. Like fucking 33kg. My jaws are too large. But nevertheless, my lover loved […]
Enrolled into the university. Mother had to leave me alone in the capital, giant and unforgiving, because we are from a little city (6 h from the one I’m currently in). I’ve always felt I don’t belong but now more than ever. Sneaked into a tall building unaware of it’s security. Turned out there were lattices on every window and the exit to the roof was blocked. First suicide fail. Peace is the only thing I’m craving for right now. Might be my last post. I have no knowledge of what’s lying ahead. Love, my gratitude & good luck, Hikari.
I hate that I have to struggle to find reasons to get out of bed to pretend to be human. I’ve had so many traumatic experiences and have lost someone I love and every day is the same I’m always alone. The thing about suicide is it feels like I should stop wasting my time with a miserable humiliating life that no one would want. I often wonder if I’m genetically inferior because I’ve always gotten sick easily and have had depression since I was 11. I was supposed to die when I was born and I wonder if I’m being punished for still being […]
What does being happy mean to you guys? I want to learn how to be happy so I can make someone else happy. My depression always gets in the way. I just want to be happy. I want to know what happiness feels like. Can you fall in love when you don’t love yourself?
…lots of bullshit cant trust my girlfriend shell see this probably as she often posts on here she hurts me when i trust her i care about her so much ive always tried my hardest i dont understand how she can take advantage of me im slowly losing what friends I still have, struggle is becoming more stressing always tired can’t think clearly always radical thoughts even for my standards I hope I make it through this year to reach my road to glory this is just a prologue to the true great story
I posted this as a comment, but I just wanted to share it with others who might not read it.
I am still alive because of my curiosity. My life is shit right now, but it has to get better sometime, right? I just always tell myself that. It can’t always be like this. I wasn’t made to live this miserably forever. There’s no way. So my curiosity is, “I wonder when life is going to have that magical turning point for me. I wonder what’s going to be that turning point. What’s going to make me the ridiculously happy person I dream of being?”
So my advice to […]
my body shakes and i cry. he didnt deserve the way i treated him, i hurt everyone around me. i push people awy but he never left he always stayed by my side untill the day i broke him. I’ve never seen so much pain on someones face, and im just now getting upset over it. all it took was one look at his photo and i completely lost it. it doesnt help that i see him almost everyday. my chest hurts, everything hurts.
I always meet the people I went to school with. I am always happy to see them suited up and happy. Of course we catch up on certain memories. They tell me about how they’re climbing the status ladder at their corporate jobs, their kids and all that. And then comes the ultimate question that I dread the most…………. ” WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE??”
Has any of you SP members been caught up in such a situation? Damn that question feels like shards of bomb shrapnel coming straight at you. Like what the fuck do you want me to say man?? Hahaha I […]
I personally have contemplated suicide for over 15 years… it’s tough to determine when I started considering it so I’ve approximated.
I realise that everyone has had different pasts and different reasons for considering suicide… but is moving past the idea of suicide, is it something that is truly genuinely possible? Moving past like never think of suicide again.
The only thing that i have been able to do is suppress the desire but it is always there… it just depends. I spend a lot of time ruminating about my past… I can’t seem to move past this either. I don’t have a lot of activity […]
Okay so I’ve always been able to see futuristic events in my dreams. My great grandmother could, my mom could and now I can. Here lately my dreams have been very foggy.. I keep having the same dream just the time and place is switched around. I’m having dreams that my soon to be husband is cheating on me or just deciding to leave me. I’m always even in my concise mind afraid of this actually happening. I’d talk to him about it but I’m pretty sure he’s sick of hearing about it. He tells me every time he only loves me and […]
Not necessarily suicide (though it can be if you want), but just death in general. Tell me: Age, exact cause of death, and misc information (optional). For me, I think I’d like to die at around age 31 (because I get to experience my billionth second), suicide, after I become a professor.