May everyone always be blessed! ^_^
Tag:
always
Well guess I was right all these months I suspected I had more damage from this hell of a relationship. I kind of suspected I had been damaged to point even if I did manage to get out of this relationship I would nvr be able to be with any other guy again. Guy approached me from behind in the store saying baby an I flipped out,i went in to a rage before I even realized it was happening  an I guess by look on my face I scared him. Turns out it was my ex and he didn’t know how to act around me […]
I’ve taken to calling people who are considered “normal”, the collective. Like the Borg. Resisting them is futile, because they’ll just ruin you with their asshole-ness. Evasion is futile, because they always find the people who aren’t like them. Only problem is, I can’t be absorbed into the collective.
And this is stupid…..but I don’t care, I’m tired
What’s the point of being kind to everybody when the only thing you get is being mistreated? i don’t know if i’m the only human who feels this way but i’m always trying to fit in and make everybody likes me, but everything i get is bullshit.
Today was one of those hard days when you feel alone, no matter how much people you have around you, it may sounds like a big cliche but it is how i feel.
I lost the significance of the word “friends” a couple of years ago, i don’t know what they’re anymore, perhaps they’re there asking you whats going wrong […]
So i get blamed for everything when it comes around my friends. They fight they put me in the middle they stop talking “omg its all your fault you shouldnt even got in it the first place” um excuse you ***** youre the one putting me in the middle of this shit so how about you fuck off you fucking ****. Relationship ends they tell me to help them cause they dont what to do i tell them straight up facts of why it didnt work “omg youre not even helping dont even try anymore okay even if i listen itll end and its going […]
I need to push them away… but I don’t want to at the same time…
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Once again… I feel like pushing people away. Fought with myself a few times recently… I tend to forget, but when I do remember, its hell for me. I am terrified of that same feeling. Having others makes promises that I might actually break it. Just for there best. Just to protect them. I can’t do this anymore. I’m suffering even more. It feels like everything was just a waste of time. Like a pathetic dream that never occurred. But it did happen.
Everything good always dies. And I really despise that feeling.
Title
The blade comes down,
Tears staining your face.
The voices and taunts,
Leaving a bloody trace.
They think they’re better,
And tell you you aren’t.
Stings like hell,
You’re ready to give in altogether.
Unwanted and alone
You curl in a ball.
You wish to sleep,
Once and for all.
You think no one cares,
You put your life on the line.
You’re ready to commit,
And prepare for your time.
I reach out,
Wrapping my arms around you tightly.
I whisper in your ear,
And I tell you matter without a  doubt.
I care for you,
And don’t want you to hurt.
I’ll always try to be there,
And go through your hell with you.
I speak the truth,
I will never lie.
I will always think you’re beautiful,
No matter […]
Can you hear me? Not many can. A year ago, I became depressed. Life just doesn’t  make sense anymore. I could hear the whispers behind my back, and I saw the looks I got. I got pretty nervous; I was always checking my back. I stayed up for hours at night, writing letters and wanting the courage to do it. I wanted to kill myself.
I lived in fear. I wanted to leave this world; I was so tired of living. But I was scared of the consequences. I hated my mother, we always fought and I did not believe she loved me. I don’t think […]
In this situation in particular,
do I choose to follow my dreams or to follow my heart?
How do I know which will work out?
Do I follow my dreams and risk it all?
Or, do I follow my heart and end it all?
They both may seem so simplistic, of that I’m sure,
but they are burning me to the core.
Why must my endeavors of this be so intricate,
when there are no plans and no times set?
My dreams are supposed to balance my internal torment,
but my choices cause nothing but my mere discontent.
All the things I once cared about are now obsolete,
and though […]
Misinformation. Misinformation will raise your hopes and when you’re about to cash in those hopes and make them reality; bam. You search the internet better than you did the last time you wanted to commit suicide and, will you look at that, turns out suicide by pills isn’t as peaceful as you thought. Wait, wait… what? You won’t go to sleep and never wake up again? Hollywood misdirected you? How dare those movies make it seem so simple? Oh, what’s that? You might throw up violently? Your head will feel close to exploding? B-but—IT’LL FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LIVER’S BEING RIPPED OFF YOUR INSIDES AS IT’S […]
I know that it feels like a good way out of the bullshit that life throws at you. but its the cowards way out. suicide has never helped anyone. and i know you dont want the world to see you but you are a beautiful person and you cant see it. you just cant see that there is a place beyond the bullshit. there is a place just on the brink of perfection and you will get there one day. the world is going to change whether its for better or for worse there will always be that happy place but killing yourself will only […]
…when everyone wants a Mountain.
Being a Foggy Mist, when everyone wants a Flood.
Becoming a Flood, when everyone wants Sunshine.
Becoming Sunshine, when everyone wants The Night.
Becoming The Night, when everyone wants The Dream.
Striving to become The Dream, but becoming The Reality.
Realizing The Reality is made of the act of flowing through the stream of striving to appease ever changing requirements…
To become The Mountain no River could ever Be.
Everyone wanted a Mountain to Climb, but all i could ever do was Be Water, and flow down, to ultimately be absorbed into, and washed away by, The River of Deceit… and to eventually be deposited into the Sea, […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Linkin-Park-Iridescent.mp3So im just writing what has happened in my life so far.
Im Samantha Lee Castellano. I am currently 16. This is the real me here and now. Before i start let me add that i was molested at 5 Â and raped by one of my exs 2 different grade levels i dont remember what grade is when your five and the grades for the other thing is 3 and 5 . Ok now.
I started school a bit late due to my birthday. Once i started it was good till maybe about 1st grade. There was this girl who always bullied me cause well…… i […]
My dad is always getting pissed off all day. I think he’s just really stressed all the time. And I get that but he lets his anger show all the time (a little too much for my taste) Anyways so I decided to type this up right now because I just recently witnessed my dad’s abusive parenting?(I don’t know if it was) My dad just got done screaming at my little brother for having bad grades. Not only did he scream at him but he also grabbed him tightly by the arms like he was some kind of dummy and started shaking him violently while […]
People assume that we, who are suicidal, are stupid or not smart enough.. We are actually very smart, we can see things the way they are, we analyze the problems and we know there is a solution but we also know it will always come back to the same Shit
I fucked up again, this girl emily (who i like) cut her wrist open again and i was the cause of it. I got drunk last night and told her she was just like my ex and that she didn’t a shit what she does to people and then she told “Meris. Before I go, you forgot where you met me. you met me at my worst but i covered it so well. i’m lying in a pool of my own blood and all i want to do is thank you for reminding me why i tried the first time” Â I told her from the […]
You made me smile,
you made me cry,
I missed you so much I wanted to die.
All of the pain,
the tears I shed,
was worth it all,
when we met.
The sadness and sorrow,
will always follow,
now I am waiting for a better tomorrow.
It will come,
no matter what it takes,
and I will not be the one who breaks.
We will be together,
despite the weather,
and you will be the one who makes it all better.
Why do you do
All the things that you do?
Do you hurt me on purpose
And lie to me too?
I feel like crying,
Inside I am dying.
Why am I buying
All the things that you’re trying?
Why am I always the one who has to change,
Why do I always have to change my ways?
I still have a question for you,
Will you ever change
Or just do what you do?
And like always,
treat me like a fucking fool.
Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight due to my depression. 40lbs in 4 months. I not really sure why I don’t eat. It’s not like I’m not hungry. I make a meal, eat half of it, put the rest in the fridge. The next day, I eat like half of the half and put it away. The next day I eat another half of a half of a half. I throw the last 1/8th of the meal out then. I try to force myself to finish, but it feels like I’m going to be sick if I take another bite.
Then I also get the […]
I’m 24 years old Ive had suicidal thoughts since I was 12. Ive tried to kill myself 3 times, but only the third time sent me to the hospital. in the first time I took a lot of sleeping pills and I only slept for over 24 hrs. in the second time I took a whole bottle of pain killers like Tylenol, I threw up nonstop for 6 to 7 hrs. there are periods of time when my suicidal thoughts seem to be gone, but they always come back. I’ve been contemplating suicide a lot lately and I’m just afraid I will fail like the […]