If you ask me, stillborns and babies who die soon after birth are the luckiest motherfuckers. They just…die. No suffering for them. No anguish. Hell, their families probably aren’t (all) that sad over it; they didn’t even get to know their little tike.
I wish I had been a stillborn.
We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.
I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]
Now aren’t I a sarcastic *****? eh, whatever. i really don’t give a shit about you. you’ll just be 16 with, what? how many babies? hahah, yeah. (****** right?*) mmm, the life of an average teenager, they got all them std’s and kids following them around, finding out that “somehow the condom broke!” (*Omg I wonder how??? *rolls eyes**) Yeah, and I’m being raised in this american hell. Bitches think they need to make themselves throwup to be perfect. they think they need to be so skinny. (*I should talk, what with being anorexic last year. (sigh)*) And what the hell is wrong with guys […]
I can’t  cry. I can’t read. I can’t write. I can only think. What am I? A mute? A social deficit defiling the medium? I don’t want to talk about it, because then it doesn’t mean as much. I can only keep myself moving.. barely. Going through the motions. Why must the motions take so much away from everyone around me? Why must I have problems with eatting? Why can’t I be beautiful and healthy? Why is there no normal to be attained? I even put on our song to evoke the rolling storm, but the tears never came. They did the exact opposite actually. […]
I feel like a criminal. I feel like i’ve done so many unspeakably horrible things. Yet i havent. Why? I believe i deserve to be tortured and shot dead, because i feel that im such a bad person that i deserve to be dead. Someone like me who is just such a freak deserves to die. I feel like i have no good. I used to think i was compassionate, but im not anymore because my family would always tell me off for it. I just finished one of my many long talks with my brother about my bad traits. This time it was about […]
Let me say first that though my life has been very hard for a woman that has only lived in this world for 24 years, I have been blessed with two beautiful children. Even though I have these angels with me everyday I still find myself locked in my closet uncontrollable crying with something in my head telling me my family would be better off without me. What role do I play in this world that I deserve to live. Let me start from the beginning of my life…. I was born into a abusive family where I witnessed my father beat my mother and […]
I have only ever wanted one thing. It’s the only thing that I will never have.
In grade school, I was maybe seven years old, my teacher asked us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew myself with a bunch of babies and kids running around and wrote “stay at home mom.” Now, I’d say my goals have changed considerably, I’d rather work than stay home, but I still have dreams about little green-eyed babies.
My freshman year of college I found out that I’ll never get those babies. I also found out that I will never be in love, I’ll […]
Once again tonight I can feel her clawing her way through my chest to grasp my throat and strangle me again. #2. The one who beats me down until I can’t take anymore. I’m trying so hard right now to fight her back. No, this isn’t multiple personalities.. I don’t think. If you read my last post, then you know what I’m talking about.
I talked to my friend tonight and she told me all about her new boyfriend. I feel like such an asshole for telling her to slow herself down and be a little more cautious. But then, at the same time, she’s telling […]
So, I’m sitting here waiting (it seems I do an awful lot of waiting these days) for a ride so that I can hopefully get to my so -called “parenting class”. Have you ever been to one of these classes? They’re a total waste of time, and just another way for the state to keep your kids longer. I mean, really, who the hell needs someone to tell them how to take out the trash every day or remind them that babies can’t be brats? Are we really not evolved enough yet to understand that children are generally unable to be mean until the age […]
I know I want to die, but I’m not exactly planning it like I used to. The pain of being alive is still constant, but I can’t die because no one will take care of my babies if I do.
I also know that I want this pain to end. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. It hurts even when I’m laughing, excited, or happy. It’s always lingering to tell me that my joyful moments are nothing but fleeting. In the next hour, minute, or second, sadness will take it away. It has never failed me […]
Within the next few weeks, I am going to commit suicide. I have wanted this for so long but as the day draws closer and closer I am noticing things that are going to be hard to say goodbye to and people who’s lives are going to be changed forever when I am gone.
Mom and Dad,
I have always had a horrible relationship with my parents. They suffer from depression and bipolar as well so they are not exactly the best parents. But I walk by their room and see them sitting peacefully, watching tv or reading, and I feel so horribly guilty because I know […]
it will always be the person you least expect,nomatter how many times you dye your hair, or change your appearence,your still you and your nothing special, not like everyone els,life is overrated,so whats so special about making the best outa having nothing, having noone,being used consinly, every time you stick your face out the front door, you fail to make it any futher,everytime you stick your face out the front door, someone says there your freind, but they aint,they either use you, or call you once and find you worthless enough to never answer or call you again,the only person that has ever made me […]
I wish i could die right now. The pain hurts my body so much. I cry and everyone sees but no one cares. My husband doesn’t care about anything except his own happiness. My mom always reminds me of how fucked up i am and how everyone else has it worse than i do.
I have been on meds for a long time now and they have plateaued. I just want this pain to stop.
My babies see me crying all the time and I think about them and if i was gone how it would be. but to […]
I sit here, reading stories and texting my beautiful cousin. She has begun to flirt with me, while everyone told me I should be asking for sex with my cousin as an ill-attempt for her to feel closer to me. I revealed my sexual fantasies and what-not to her, and she has begun to like me back. I feel high, for some odd reason. The term perma-fried is going through my mind meaning I’m always high, maybe it’s finally finding happiness.Â
I just hope that happiness lasts. I love her so much, I wish I could ask her to be my girlfriend. I would take her […]
(no particular order, i will add to it, i don’t mean to offend anyone, please don’t take it so personally)
People who make too much eye contact when your talking to them.
People who STARE…
TALL pEoPlE
i hate how im so different
PEOPLE WHO CALL YOU SHORT
I HATE HOW LIFEÂ doesn’t make a shit load of sense
POPULAR PEOPLE-kill them all… no im kidding…. ..
People who use you.
PEOPLE WHO DON”T LISTEN TO YOU, you need to scream until they answer
MORNING PEOPLE
BAD ACTORS (NICK CAGE-WTF borring
I love sleep
Dislike:waking up
DIslike:bedtime(insomnia)
i hate sleep paralysis
 I LOVE BEING ALONE
I hate how im so meaan to myself
I hate how i think im a pathological […]
It’s coming up on the big day and for a little while I was actually able to forget about it…found meaning in painting again, in witnessing my younger siblings’ awesome potential and magical ability to just be happy. A beautiful couple weeks without any physical pain. Then everything rushed back in. Can’t paint, can’t write, can’t cook, can barely open doors. Nobody knows what it is and nothing has helped. Undiagnosable pain in my hands since I was 16. Â Nothing makes me feel as hopeless as this. Not knowing that I will never find love with a girl, never have babies or finish school, never […]
As the title says nothing beats everything I am dealing with now. My babies are all split up and their hearts are shattered. In turn their pain rings so loudly to me. I had to rock my crying 6 year old little girl to sleep in a hotel room before I took her back to her father. I am disabled and incapable of providing a stable home for my children. I am going to an online university and I find it mundane and pointless. Feeling guilty is something that runs rampant in my heart and the feeling of complete inadequacy fills me to the brim […]
I wanted to try something to get more knowledge of what songs people might like to make them happy..they say classical music stimulates the babies brain so maybe if I listened to good music that makes you happy then we could be on the same page..that’s what friends are for right? I like leona Lewis, footprints in the sand & I like beyonce, I’m here. Now it’s your turn..what songs make you happy?
i am 18yrs old and sometimes i feel lik i can’t take it anymore, i tried to comet suicide at 15 but they hospitalized me. i thought i was over everything but i just seem to notice that my life is hell i am living wit my parents and my babies father, but he seems to not even care about what i feel or how i feel. i feel like i am so used to being put down i really don’t care anymore but the pain has caught up to me & i just feel like i’ve had enough i really need help not just […]
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