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Patterns

by DaylightFades 2/1/2016

written by DaylightFades

I feel terrible for pushing him away; for the way I push and shove and keep him at a distance.

I’ve done this dozens of times. He won’t let me do it to him, he says. I laugh because they all say that.

I self-destruct. I don’t know what to do with my pain, and so I turn it back on myself. I make them leave, then I tell myself I deserved it, that it was bound to happen.

It’s been three months. Three months of calling me beautiful, inside and out. From stopping my wounds from bleeding out with his bare hands. Telling me he can handle […]

2/1/2016 2 comments

Protected: Today’s one of those days where I feel like everybody’s laughing behind my back.

by whiskered-fish 1/31/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/31/2016 9 comments

Different struggles for different folks

by blank-clutter 1/31/2016

written by blank-clutter

Reading some people’s posts here sometimes makes me think that I don’t have it that bad, if things are written on paper. At the same time I think thought that I personally am much worse. People here have attractive personalities and can socialize so well, they say creative things and go back and forth with each other so well. In contrast I just feel like a lurker, a package containing all the negatives of the human experience who found the ultimate worse addictions, feeling sorry for himself and reading about people who truly struggle with real problems.

I wish I could communicate better, and I’m not […]

1/31/2016 3 comments

I’ll be back

by red_river 1/30/2016

written by red_river

BRB my conscious is going to murder me right now.

1/30/2016 6 comments

My Plan to Commit Suicide … It Does Not Make Me a Selfish *****

by laylajaye 1/30/2016

written by laylajaye

That’s because there is no one no one, no one, whose life will be even a tiny bit altered by my death. Not one person upset, except the people who will smell the stench from my apartment 3 weeks after I’m gone and the people who have to clear up the mess left behind and my rotting carcass. But sad? Nah. Not a soul.

I have no family left, no friends. I go months without uttering a word to anyone except perhaps the occasional post man ‘hello’ and perhaps thank you to the lady at the supermarket till.

Anyway, It’s been a while since I first posted […]

1/30/2016 7 comments

Break-Up

by whatevs 1/30/2016

written by whatevs

It was going really well for a while. There was a girl I loved, and she loved me back. I was happy with her. Then we broke up… She told me she had too much school work and anxiety over it, and that her mom told her to (this is 11th grade, mind you). I was completely fucked to begin with but I was okay. I thought I moved on with my life. Then, out of nowhere, she sends me a picture of her with a guy. The fucking *****. I hadn’t talked to her in a month (pretty much since the break-up). I texted […]

1/30/2016 0 comment

Dying Inside :/

by Counting The Days Until I'm gone 1/30/2016

written by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

Though outwardly I may appear to be happy really and truly, I’m dying inside. There’s that one straw that breaks the camel’s back or so they say. If so.I welcome the straw and the harbinger of death. Waiting patiently for that straw. Then I’m gone and I will not suffer anymore.

1/30/2016 2 comments

Therapist

by JiminyCrispies 1/30/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I saw my therapist yesterday. Surprisingly I opened up to her a lot about the voices (she knows about the other set which aren’t the Angels). The Angels weren’t there, so I wasn’t as nervous as I usually am in my sessions.

She did the number scales with me again. 0-10 on how likely I am to listen to the voices. The first was how likely I am to hurt myself because of them, I said 5 (it’s really a 8 or 9), but she was happy with that. And the other was how likely I am to hurt others because of […]

1/30/2016 1 comment

Hi. I’m halfass and I like running away

by mranony 1/30/2016

written by mranony

Morning: I was sad and scared of taking the exams. I was feeling pressured too. And little. So I ran away.

Traffic. The driver made us go. I got some money back and walked. While walking I thought of it as a punishment for running away. But rode another ride halfway. I’m a half ass lol.

I stopped at a convenience store to get a drink. And walked home.

I took out the stuffs I bought yesterday. One of them is the cards from cardcaptor sakura. It is said it can be used for divination too. So, I arranged it. Somehow, I got motivated to do something. Like […]

1/30/2016 5 comments

My abridged story.

by theineffable 1/29/2016

written by theineffable

Hello all, first time poster here, and I know not how long I’ll be around to post again.

I was born just as any other fortunate kid – to a loving family that deeply cared for me. When I was young, and growing up, I engaged in many of the same activities a kid from my time period engaged in: television, Nintendo, sports when the weather permitted, etc. I was never abused by my parents, and only received discipline when I stepped out of line (which I deserved). I was also a bit spoiled as I grew up – my mother brought in a salary of […]

1/29/2016 29 comments

The long Spiral Down..

by headupunderdarkcloud 1/28/2016

written by headupunderdarkcloud

..And sick fascination, glued to the screen of its descent. Binge watching the drama of your life unravelling, slowly, season by season. Gripping entertainment at its worst. No matter the warnings, ominous music threatening the hero’s demise, still you sit back with popcorn and watch it happen. Almost in a way, dysfunctionally, satisfied at the continuing destruction before you…”How much worse can it get? Ooo, lets tune in next week and see”. Somehow paralyzed, unable to gain access to the writer’s room and alter the narrative, however fully aware you know you own the studio, licensing and creative rights.. At least that’s how it feels […]

1/28/2016 2 comments

Up and down and up and down… Fuck this.

by The White Rabbit 1/28/2016

written by The White Rabbit

For three days I was all excited… the guy I really like told me that he’d give me a chance… if… I weren’t suicidal.

SO! I took that thought an ran with it. I applied for college after having the app on my desk for about a month, and started feeling more chipper. I rewired my room as I’ve been planning, sent out orders for my shop, etc.. I was genuinely on the up-and-up for about three days. until today…

Today I see him, say hi, and he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence. Likely busy or having issues of his own no doubt, so I don’t blame […]

1/28/2016 7 comments

Why am I always sore…

by Lawli 1/27/2016

written by Lawli

I didn’t really know were else to come but here so…

I always feel sore somewhere, my hands have had problems for years, my back often gets sore as well as my feet when standing of walking for a long time. My knees can start to hurt too and sometimes my joints feel so uncomfortable, not in a hurting way though, just a weak way. Lately I have also been getting sore hips, or they just feel really weak.

I’m 15 year’s old and I’m quite athletic, I’m pretty sure I eat healthy (Healthy enough) and I am quite fit compared to most other people my age […]

1/27/2016 4 comments

How is this okay?

by God_Forsaken 1/26/2016

written by God_Forsaken

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because I have been suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts for quite a few months now; I felt I was dragging him down. He made sure I was serious and agreed to break up (not that we haven’t before – we frequently took breaks, always went back to each other and never to other people). However, this time, I got a text from his best friend saying that he went back ti his ex… that our two year relationship was infatuation -not love. That she’s his true love. They dated for 3 months and then she […]

1/26/2016 4 comments

No More Faking

by louise52 1/26/2016

written by louise52

Hi folks. I want you to know, you help me get by. I understand you, I feel for you, your stories resonate for me, I am one of you, here I belong. I was never a ‘happy smiley’, I never will be a happy smiley. In fact I militantly stand for the right not to fecking smile lol. I was the only one in my sixth form class not freaking smiling. And I’m not ashamed. I knew life and society sucked back then (though I was lamentably immature and naive in so many other ways). I wasn’t taken in by the hype.

So fuck faking it.

1/26/2016 2 comments

Empty and dying

by entirelylost 1/25/2016

written by entirelylost

I let back in the most beautiful demon. He took all my trust, stability, emotions, happiness. But he came back and I floated up to the surface. I felt like living so he played his role and left and took the last piece of me that was clinging to my shell. How do you hold on when you can feel feathery oblivion right beneath your feet? How was I supposed to love myself when I watched everyone find nothing worth loving in me? I want to be back amongst the living but its too hard. I thought maybe it was all a test of my […]

1/25/2016 1 comment

Love

by marz 1/25/2016

written by marz

You stopped the pain from carrying on

This is why I’m sitting here writing this song

You lied to me and ended it this way

Didn’t even have the guts to say it to my face

You’re just a coward a twit

All you do is is make my teeth grit

Fuck off back to your own life

I’ll just go back to my one true love the knife

1/25/2016 1 comment

Hellish night

by Rotted_Flesh 1/25/2016

written by Rotted_Flesh

Hello my deceased father, are you going to help me kill him or kill me? You’re standing in front of my bed talking to me in a voice I do not understand and sounds so foreign. The image of you is so clear it’s like you have been resurrected from the dead to see me one more time, I cannot tell if I am dreaming or awake, this is so surreal. I have to say it is nice to see you again father, even if I do not know your intentions.

Peering out my bedroom window to see my expensive exercise equipment on the lawn of […]

1/25/2016 5 comments

Protected: Memory scent

by whiskered-fish 1/25/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/25/2016 6 comments

Is anyone out there?

by blindaudio 1/25/2016

written by blindaudio

It’s pretty late where I’m located right now. Normal people are sleeping. I should be as well, although I can’t seem to do that at this time. I need to get up for work in about three hours, and if I don’t do that, this day is going to be long, no doubt.

Do you ever feel like the silence is the loudest thing around? I’ve moved to a new area, and hardly know anyone. Sometimes I wish there were someone out there, maybe like a radio Dj, that one could listen to at these odd hours of the evening, and just let everyone know […]

1/25/2016 5 comments

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