sorry folks, tried again.having run out of time, with nowhere to go, and no way to exist, the desperation got the better of me.i remember blacking out. came to on floor, looking at the ex-wife. so beautiful. thought she was an angel. then it all came back. just another failure.i really do need to find a peacful way out. i cant take this anymore. their has got to be some peaceful way out?
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Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
by niki
written by niki
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
Honestly I don’t know what to do or how to feel. Life just keeps pushing me and shoving me and once I get knocked down I don’t have the strength to get back up. I hate when people try to help with their fake support. If they cared then why would they be the ones knocking me down? I hate the world. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to stop feeling trapped, so trapped that I can’t physically breathe. It’s getting so hard to breathe.
So if you check my posts, you’ll see that a while back, I talked about going on a trip to Europe with a travel partner.
Well that travel partner was a girl I fell madly in love with and someone who promised me that regardless of whatever life threw at us, that we would go to Europe together.
Well that girl cancelled on me.
Well that girl is pretty much going to go live in New York with another guy.
And don’t give me that bullshit about there being a lot of fish in the sea. Because I don’t want to fucking hear it.
Well world. The sixth word has been spoken. […]
Possible more darkness in my tunnel. Is there even any light anymore?
by BrokenAngel8
written by BrokenAngel8
2 years ago if you would of asked me I would of said something similar to that i felt like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world to be his. Now all I just feel is broken, hurt, betrayed and confused. I feel betrayed by what he said about me behind my back a few weeks ago.
I knew we had issues in our relationship I thoguht we were both strong enough to get through it but I guess I was dead wrong. Instead of confronting me about how you felt you t alked behind my back about it its bad enough that i found […]
I got in trouble at school because i thought someone was my friend but they turned there back on me and said i did things that i never meant to do i can’t ever seem to get anything right like i look around and everyone seems to be doing good and i’m hoping and wishing that i could have their secret, that one day i could be happy with who i am,and what i am i wish i could be happy with myself
I had been working at a local restaurant busting tables for the past 2-3 yrs…. Well the other night, one of my managers, we’ll call her Angela, was handing out tips (personal tips– you’ve got personal tips which are yours and then the tips on the table are supposed to be rationed out at the end of the night)… Well right as I got done busting this table, she gives me my personal tip from last week. Being on disability I only work 2 nights a week.
Well right as I got back to the dish pit, I hear someone mentioning that supposedly $20 was missing […]
The thought of suicide has been on my mind at least weekly if not daily for the last 40 years. considering I was 13 when I had my first lame attempt to end things (I wrapped an extension cord around my neck and yanked. This was at school and all that happened is I passed out) I’ve had a couple other tries since. I guess I was not ready for those times either. In looking back at things I wonder what it is that I really want. It is not attention as I was alone and did not plan to be around or discovered by […]
Capture that. I’m in english class at the back. Everybody is writing exept me. I’m staring at this blank page since 1 hour. I look at it and read the question that the text is supposed to answer: “what is happiness?” Do anyone really know? I mean i don’t know if i’m happy or anything so what is the real meaning of that word that everybody seem to know but me?
The teacher finally says that the class is over but, when i give back my paper, she stands up and says as loud as she can to all the class “look how idiot you have […]
Is anybody here curious about death? I mean like wonder what its really going to be like when we die? I admit that I am.
Now when I say that I am not saying I am currenty suicidal. Im not. But I often wonder about death. We have all heard about Heaven and Hell and there are other theories about what life is like after death. I studied NDE (Near death Experiences) and have heard people talk about how they died and wound up in a bad place and felt tormented and Ive heard others say they died and came back to life and when […]
Picture this: Someone has just started contemplating suicide, and they came up with a foolproof way out of this world. As they were getting lost in their own head, imagining their peaceful death, someone they love dearly pops into the picture, and all of a sudden they start shouting their name, crying out for help, but it’s too late. Their death is inevitable, leaving that loved one with nothing else to do but watch them fade away and cry. The person snaps back to reality and starts questioning everything, leading them to live another day… and another… and another…
Wherever our built-in survival instincts are stored in our […]
I’m going through a really bad spell, as it was just my birthday and (as I suspected I might) and I spent it alone with a Cup O’ Noodles.
I told my *best friend* that even though I didn’t feel much like going to a casino (which she said SHE was up for, knowing that a casino wouldn’t be the best place for me right now, I suspect) I would love to see her and visit.
She never bothered writing back.
She is a terrible friend.
My most major effort toward a career that I’ve never spoken of on here because it was too real […]
You just don’t fit? Like everything has just come together wrong and you somehow stopped being right in your own life (if you ever even were) and there’s just no place for you? Like maybe you just came off the assembly line broken? I’m feeling that way tonight (or actually this morning because I’ve spent five hours sitting here contemplating this). Wrong choices, wrong people, wrong planet maybe. I feel like I just don’t fit anywhere, like I never have been “right”, something was wrong from the get-go. It’s been a long time since I have been this low, since I have sat back and […]
-she never responded to my texts, but she always called me when she was desperate for attention
-i talked to him one night and i got excited, but he was gone before the sun rose
-we hugged, but it never felt like it was right, it was always jagged and rough around the edges and i knew he wasn’t hugging me because he liked me, he was just doing it so a girl he liked would be jealous. it didn’t work
-we spun around the room laughing, but i knew that under those sparkling eyes she was trying to rip me apart and discover […]
So upon reflection, I realized everyone is right. Asking for help is bullshit. No one will help. It’s all lies. So thank you for letting me know that. Yet another disappointment and failure to add to the list. So the plan’s back on. Merry christmas, mother fuckers.
P.S.
Don’t try to tell me otherwise or what I should do. You can shove it. Better yet, don’t comment. I’m angry and I want to rant, doesn’t mean I want people to tell me what I’m doing wrong or what I should try.
Thanks.
Why don’t we pull the trigger? Why don’t we tighten the noose? Why don’t we swallow the pills? Why don’t we jump from the roof? What stops us? I mean, let’s all be real with ourselves. Everyone is here on this site because they are or at least have been suicidal. Everyone here contemplates pulling that trigger, tightening that noose, swallowing those pills, or jumping off that roof. So, really, what stops us? I think it’s a fear that we will be making the wrong decision. It’s like there’s a chance of it getting better. We hear that cliché line so much that it’s stored […]
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
hey guys. My mom and I haven’t been talking for a week now because I did something stupid. I lit a paper using a lighter because I liked the smell of the burning paper. I did it while sitting in the toilet. My mom smelled the smoke and she started yelling at me. She said things like “it’s bad for your heart and your brain.” “That’s probably why you’re so stupid.” And then the next morning, she told my dad and then my dad scolded me and said that I was stupid and that I’m an addict. And also that my brain is probably damaged […]
There’s something inside of me, I’m considered a dead man. I’m alive now, but i’ll try, again and again, and again. Because I can not stop. I’ve been completely consumed by this. I hate, everything. I’ve learned to hate myself, and now I can’t take that back. I ruined my life, numerous times, and I’ll continue to do so. It’s as if I no longer control my body. I’ll try again. Till I am no more. Considering that, I’m already dead. It hasn’t happened yet, and it’ll happen again.
I just can’t do this anymore though, I lay in my bed awake just thinking and not thinking at the same time. On the weekends I don’t leave my bed. I have this powerful urge to get up and start walking. I want to walk and never look back. I want to walk so far away and just stop existing. I’m a freakin burden to my parents, siblings, friends, everyone. I feel it, I see it in their eyes. Why is this happening to me? My ex and I just recently broke up, we were dating for a year. I just found out that a […]