When i got back from my gospel camp i felt “new” in a way i felt good inside everything was turning around then the “shit hit the fan”. About a few weeks from being back my little sister went to Seattle for her round up band thing and my mother is a volunteer for this band. turns out my mom met some guy who is another volunteer with the round up band and now my parents are splitting up and that’s just one of the things that making me stress out hardcore. If any of you have read my other posts you would have noticed […]
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Barley
Sooo.. Recently I have been having suicidal thoughts for several reasons. Most of them I’m sure no-one will ever understand, because we all view the world differently, what may mean the world to someone may mean absolutely nothing to another person, so with that in mind my suicide thoughts have done nothing for me but make me feel even worse about myself, but I am now realizing that life is hard on everyone, some just handle it better than others. now, my family means the world to me and 90percent of the time when I am soooo close to killing myself.. I think about how selfish […]
I am praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. I usually do this each night before I go to bed now. I don’t yet have the courage to end things myself but I keep thinking each day I will get braver. I know why I want to end my life would seem rediculas to many. silly.. but the pain my heart and mind are in is unbearable to me. I do not want to hear it will get better. that I will heal that there is other options or that someone out there cares. or will love me. I can not even begin […]
This is my first time posting on here… So I’m alana I’m 15 years old and I’ve been depressed/suidical since about the beginning of 6th grade. I’ve been bullied my whole life being called fat, ugly, *****, ect…. People made me feel like shit and made me cry myself to sleep about every night. I started cutting in seventh grade when I got called fat. Is was the first time . It go worse cause I tried killing myself by choking myself it never worked. 8th grade year I thought would get better but it didn’t I started losing friends , guys pushed me into […]
I might have a problem with drinking but you would to if you felt the way I do. I hope that everyone is doing good tonight. I’ve been crying for a long time now. I can barley breathe I think life is really getting pointless. I can’t be happy and no nothing gets better with time. No one will truly understand me and no one cares to. I don’t even understand why I want someone to. I wish people would just stop and think about the things they say or do. I feel like there is no one out there.
I have a fear of people. I get tensed up and this causes me chronic pain. My doctor has me on benso but the does not help much. I really don’t know how long I can do this for. I hurt. This is really hard for me to do but we are all strangers so why not I was raped off and on for 7 years, at first I thought it was okay I was 5 when it started and I never told anyone because I can barley type it. Off of that subject. It’s so much more. I don’t know if it’s just because […]
No one cares and those who do i dont want them to becuase i willonly just end up hurting them, People have been saying tome that im a real andi should just die.Maybe there right? theres nothing left for me in thuis world.
two days ago i fell down the stairs i can now barley move as my neck and back killsme. the sad thing is that i KNOW i derserve it, i am repilsedwith the things i do and ii know i shouldnt be aroudn t all.
i really need help, but my family dont understand,neither do my frineds i hang around with, they think i’mover […]
At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough […]
The pain hurts so bad, my body feels like someones chrushing it, and i can barley breath. Once again im alone, depressed, and with many sharp objects all i have to choose. But i sit on my bed staring at the clock whispering one more minute as his voice screams in my head “it’s our secret”…..”you better keep it”
“Or i’ll kill you” i wanna scream fun back to my friends, but i’ve gone home for that night and again im alone, the pain is just to much as flashbacks push there way into my head. My heads throbbing and im shaking, it feels like someones […]
Lucky him he’s moved onto a new girl i should be happy, but its only to ironic. Tanners new girlfriend is Ryanne, ive been talking to her ex dylan. She said i’d look cute with him but even though i like him i dont wanna date him, one because i wanted to give them both time to heal, and because of the fact i dont wanna date anyone cause im still not over tanner, i dont wanna use anyone as a rebound.
It’s not fair i hate all of them all this fucked up shit, i wonder if tanner knows those more recent scars on my […]
Well I don’tknow what to say or where to start, but I guess just letting it all out is a start, so here it goes. I’m a 22 year old female and at the age of 22 I never knew I would of felt the amount of pain as I have this past few years. Past few weeks all I been thinking about is sucide, why should I go on? I can barley handle the pain because of this depression its like a disease that will never go away from the feel of it. I been thinking of different ways to do it overdosing, jumping […]
I couldn’t do it. I got home from sneaking out, couldn’t get back in, had to call my parents then got yelled at. Heaps of guilt! YAY! They’re at wits end with me, said they wished I’d just get it over with. Well you know what? I wish that too. I don’t know why it hurts so goddamn much, and I have no reason for this pain. My life is perfect, and with these pills I can’t feel anything. I fucking hate it. I can’t cry, I’m empty, broken, alone within myself. I hate me, the girl who looks like an attention whore but only […]
this is my story its kinda long but hear it goes will I’m 19 my life isn’t hard. but I’ve been bulled ever since i can remember just because I’m dyslexic doesn’t mean I’m stupid. i can control this i was born like this i know i spell things wrong you don’t have to point it out to every one in the class. also the teachers make it feel like its my fault if i don’t come to them and ask them to spell check every thinks. I’m so sick of asking for help i want to just do it on my own for once […]
I use to be so happy and so inisent , so mindless and careless , then came grade 2 . I just moved into a new place with new people and a new school , a new everything . I remember I didn’t even want to go , I begged and begged my mom to let me stay home , but she wouldn’t let me , so I walked inside while everyone was outside , then when everyone came back in , I just couldn’t even say anything to anyone , I didn’t fit in at all , I felt like a little kid standing […]
hi all.
someone (me) took my username, so I used my username as my password. anywho.
some idiot told me to call the suicide hotline about a month ago, and I’ve called it before, and from many different states in the USA. this was about a month or year ago. I really do forget.
I tried to kill myself for about 5 years maybe ten. I stopped trying to kill myself about 4 years or maybe 3 years ago now. Now I bounce in between states, jail and doctors offices. it’s great don’t get me wrong, if I had a gun I would shoot hella stuff, but I […]
Liquor barley helps. Sleep is non existent. Letting go of life seems so pathetic and dramatic. Yet its the only thing that I know right now that will stop the pain. I just want to feel peace even if its for 5 measly minutes. Anything to drown the pain of knowing every time I open my eyes in the morning or shut them at night.. that I’m entirely alone. Maybe some people were born by mistake
Drowning in my emotions. Waters deep
swallowing me whole.
Can’t breath Can’t speak no one can hear my thoughts. It’s lonely and cold I can barley see the surface. Does anyone up there know I’m here. They can’t hear the words they can’t feel the pain. Still drowning here getting ever so closer to the end.
Sometimes life gets so sickingly boring I find ways to leave it. I begin to obsess over things to get my mind of life. I obsess over anything from a band to a tv show. I even obsess over ideas. For example one day i was so bored i looked online for a specific jacket that a guy from a band i love wore in a music video. I spent the entire day finding this jacket. Then once i found it i realized it was already 4am. I hadn’t eaten the whole day. I hadn’t even left my room for anything but bathroom breaks. I […]
I have never been rich. There was never a time where my mom had money to throw away. We always have had just enough. But it has never been this bad. My mom has never really bothered me with financial problems. Usually if we are late on a bill or something she just finds a way to pay it. But its gotten to the point where there is no way. My step dad doesn’t work enough to pay for everything and my moms disability check barley pays 1 bill. Everyday something new is getting cut off. Now my mom is selling pot to pay the […]
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