my grandma, my support, my best friend passed away feb. 28th of this year. the only way i can discribe my pain up.until.now is straight up denial. my family for the most part is supportive. within the past year i have delt with this and.rape. my parents are.on the verge of divorce. my friends are moving on with their lives and.i.feel alone. i am also.struggling with coming out about being bi. by looking at me you would have no idea all.this is happening in my life. i just need help, bitni dont want to be treated unhumane orr like a freak. trust me i seem […]
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Best Friend
Abusive, emotional, roller coaster relationship ends after 4 years.
Wonder how it lasted so long? When we weren’t cussing each other out, we were great.
Reason why it ended was because I cheated. Nothing can describe how much guilt, regret, and sorrow i feel on a daily basis. (November)
Since then, I’ve been there for her in every way, I’ve showed her a complete change in every aspect of my personality.
Most people might question her still dealing with me, but its more than luck, I’ve earned it.
We’ve planned a suicide together and aimed for this year but now it seems to be put on a halt.
She’s told me she doesn’t want a relationship […]
Over a year ago I lost my sister to suicide and I still don’t get why she did it. She did not leave a note and I don’t remember there being any sign of her wanting to kill herself. It was not the first time she had attempted to kill herself, in fact it was the 3rd time. The kicker of it all though is that each time she attempted I was the one who found her.
They always say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I don’t want to handle this, I’d rather have her here […]
This post might not make sence unless you’ve read my previous one..
I think i’m glad I didn’t look inside when his best friend was outside the apartment crying. The neighbor did… But something in my head said “don’t look in there, you don’t need to see. You know what happened, don’t be stupid and make the pain worse..”…. I kinds wish I looked…. Just to see how he died rather than just imagining and repeating the horror story his friend told me…… When we were standing outside as the investigatirs were taking the pictures and such, Roberts friend that witnessed his death broke the […]
my friend took his own life on march 18, 2013. he gambled with his own life as he spun the cylinder to his prized .45 revolver, looked dead into his best friend’s eyes and pulled the trigger… he had a 1 in 6 chance of death and he took that- he left no warnings before hand… i dont think he thought it would go off… Â but it did… and now he’s gone…….. he thought he had no one but his best friend- and even then, he knew he was gonna move in with his girlfriend and Robert would be homeless and living in his […]
I finally have had enough with the emotional and physical abuse with everyone in my life. It is not like I have a best friend to tell all my problems to and receive advice from so I have decided to take a step forward and see a therapist.
I am partially excited about this decision because I can finally allow myself to open up without worrying about my secrets getting out but I am also afraid to tell about my feelings and emotions because what if he/she thinks I am a freak? A nothing.
This is my first step towards freedom from the dreadful memories that bind […]
it’s become evident that as of now my life is not worth living. i am miserable, lonely, and i cant afford to wait years, months, or weeks for my life to get better. i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember. the only thing that i’ve learned from mental hospitals is that committing suicide is a selfish act. but isn’t it selfish to force someone to live in pain and agony day after day when they just want to die? i’m lonely. my dad is moving out of the state, my best friend only cares about drinking, and guys only use me for […]
I don’t know how to say this but here it goes:
“Useless, Ugly, Hated, Misunderstood, Piece of crap” are words to describe myself. I’ve never been help to anyone, all I’ve ever been was a bother. A bother to my parents, my friends, my relatives, my family and all. No wonder I get screamed at alot of times. I’m useless. No matter how hard I try, things always turn out wrong and dissapointing. I’ve never known a happy ending, other than those in the fairytales. But fairytales are not real, never will be. Some people will just say “Life’s what you make it”. But that doesn’t […]
What if I told you black people deep down dislike there traits
What if I told you black people hate there hair
What if I told you black people hair there skin
What if I told you black girls hate there height
What if I told you that some black people can’t stand the mirror
What if I told you nobody truly like black people
What if I told you being black sucks
^^ kinda makes me want all darkly color people whipped out of this world… Just for the fact of how much hate would be one there head …. If not by the world…. […]
I’m 15. At this age, most people have lots of close friends and go out every weekend and have a shitload of fun.
Then there’s me.
I feel so lonely and I can’t shake this feeling. I have some friends in school, but no one I actually go out with. I used to have three best friends, now I only have one.
My best friend left me. He was the one that said he’d never let me go. I don’t even think he realises how much I need him by my side. I can’t live without him, he was always the one that saved me.
I […]
i’m in so much pain mentally.
can i tell you a secret? my best friend of 17 years raped and burned me with cigarettes while he was drunk. (you’re the first person i told) i have been cutting myself off and on since i was 9 because my cousin molested me until i was 12 and when i finally told them they said i was lying and i got slapped with being bipolar 2. i have one friend she is a complete ***** she doesn’t even care “it’s all about her” anyway. i am an introverted kind of person. i just turned 25 and i’m scared that […]
I have always wanted a best friend, and the only thing close to that was this girl named Breanna*, but she got mad a lot at me for not thinking the was she does and she had another group she would hang around with and i dont think they liked me because in a way i was a higher class then them but i never saw people as classes i just saw them for who they were. Anyway back to my point, it is not like i dont have any friends, but these friends are more like, how would you put it.. acquaintance. Everyone seems to […]
This is my story about how i had my heart broken a couple of times. it soon spawned a fear of abandonment in me and made me think i was never good enough. if you wish to hear how i survived my hardship then please read this.
I was born different from other kids. i chose not to give in to the social flow and i  lived how i felt. i had friends, a pretty good amount. i fell in love many times and had a few relationships. I grew up being who i felt was me. Sometime around the summer of 2012 about early June, […]
I am 17 in the evelenth grade, I have a 2.66gpa rigth now and after taking studying for the act… I got a 19…. I am not the smartest kids… In fact I come clost to down rigth dumb….I procrastinate aLot ….sleeping takes up Lot of time..but sleep is the only thing that keep me from thinking and crying…..but lately I can’t sleep I just cry and think all nigth… It’s making me dizzy in the Morring….
I find life to be joy less …. I am going to circles…. Friendship is pointless even for the few friends I do have… Even to my best friend… […]
Today during creative writing class my teacher really wanted to read a poem I wrote about me loosing my best friend (well she didn’t know what it was about). I didn’t want to say no because it would have hurt her feelings, so I said “sureâ€. She started reading the emotion-filled poem out loud. We had a visitor in our class who, just from the few lines my teacher had read, was completely focused in and had an amazed look on her face. Apparently so did everyone else in the class.
As she was reading, I started to realize what the words actually meant to me. They weren’t just […]
I am 17… And I completely hate my self … I hate the fact that I am black , that that I am female that I am tall…. That my mind is the most perverted thing in the world…. But I am so loney… I am not looking for sex just some one who I dont have to talk to, some one who gets me completely… Who shares the same view point of the world… I have a best friend and others friends but I can’t get my self to actually care about them … If they died today I wouldn’t even care….I had this […]
Just told my ex, that’s also my best friend, that I’ve lied to him. Luckily he wasn’t mad at me, actually, he understood it. I was really glad with that. But the thing I really wanted was not saying it to my ex. That I shouldn’t done it, because I never lied to him. That’s what I really wanted, but it’s not the truth. I have so much regret of all the times I lied to him, my parents or anyone else that’s close to me. I have lied so much that it almost felt like my life was a lie. I’m trying to lie […]
I really can’t take it. I just want to take a break. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to try and live like this anymore. I tried okay? I tried so hard to focus on life. And I just can’t reach it. Even though I’m young, I’ve never felt this pain ever before. It hurts as bad as hitting by a truck. I want to cry, but all I have is a mask that covers me when I’m badly injured. I told them, I was fine, just felt kinda tired for sleeping too late. But no. I tried everything to end this. […]
i want to tell my story, i want people to know the real me.
What I remember most from my childhood is violence, fights , tears, fear and harassment.
I remember I was afraid to go home because I did not know what was happening at home.
4 years ago I was raped by my brother, It happened many times over one year.
The only thing that stopped him was that he moved..I was young and did not realize that it was not appropriate..
I have met him many times after, but I do not understand how he can look into my eyes and pretend that nothing has happened..
A few years later my dad […]
This is it.
Day in, day out. Staring at the four walls of the room. Depression, Anorexia, they say i have.
Suicidal thoughts.
I’m sat in a mental health hospital, Tier 4, 7-day resident. I never leave.
I’ve been here for months, and now, months later, life is still the same.
I look at something and think, can i die using that?
I self harm, i cut, i burn, i don’t stop, razors, straighteners, on my skin, i don’t feel the pain.
I have scars, all over my body, each one telling a story, each […]