There are a lot of changes that might happen soon. I have to make some serious decisions and it makes me sick just thinking about it. I feel so hopeless right now. I feel alone. I feel kind of empty. It’s like I’m not worth anything. That’s all I keep thinking about. I just want to die. Everything would be better if I were dead.
What’s the allure of fantasizing about death? It makes no sense. You know (talking to myself) that you don’t want to die. All you want is for things to be different. Sometimes it seems so hard, too hard, to change things. I want to own people is what my problem is. I want their attention and admiration and as time goes by the illusions are falling away and I can see emptiness. I’m starting to see that my thinking doesn’t add up. So what is the way to think? I’ve been reading about suicide all night and the two things some people say help are […]
Hi. I’m french, so sorry if I make a lot of mistakes.
I don’t think that I want to end my life. I can’t say that I really hold to her, but idk.
But I hate my life, I always hated her. I hate my personality, I hate to be so irritable and so stupid. I play with my life, I’m the kind of persons who always think to do something, but never act. Then I always regret that, but I don’t do anything to change. I act as if I don’t care about what peoples think of me, but finally I need the approval of others. […]
Since we’re all depressed and probably don’t have better things to do … Here’s some great movies to watch on Netflix . I love quirky independent movies more than the big ones that come out in theaters.
1. Before I disappear – about a guy who’s about to kill him self , but gets a call to take care of his neice instead .
2. October baby- about a girl who figures out her whole life is a lie . She looks at the bright side
3. About Alex- about a guy who’s friends never check up on him , tries to kill him self , fails and […]
I stopped posting here while i waited for some supplies. I got things situated and waited. So here’s the story.
Tonight, i drove an hour and a half to pick up 100$ worth of high grade heroin. Ive never done it before in my life. My daughter is with my mother, i am home alone. I am cleaning house and organizing things to be found that need to be found. The grief that struck me in the truck on the way home was like nothing I’ve experienced in my life. I have my death in my pocket. To stand on the precipice, look down, and […]
Leaving is never easy.
It is rather hard.
And even though it may seem dreamy,
It can only make you scarred.
I’ll be missing me,
Even if no one else does.
Because exactly like at sea,
The wind blows just because.
It is sad,
Knowing I’ll be gone.
That’s why I must stay,
And live on.
I must endure the pain.
The journey is long,
But I think I can cut thorough the chains
Because to leave without a goodbye is wrong.
Not a goodbye to them,
But to me.
I deserve better
And to be free.
It seems many of us, men, here at SP struggle or have struggled with problems related to the opposite sex, messed up relationships, stalkig exes, or like me years of constant rejection, being friendzoned, women mistaking kindness for weakness and taking advantage of it and walking over us.
And you know what?
I’m 27 and i dont know why or how but about 3/4 years ago a sudden changed occurred …. i just stoped bothering with it at all, suddenly i dont care if women notice me or not, i walk by a gorgeous woman on the street with the same indiferrence that i walk by a […]
My 3 year old niece sang me happy birthday over the phone. That was really cute and it made me smile. I also cried a little because I miss her. I haven’t seen her in a while. So, for a moment I forgot about the pain. For a moment…
It’s a new year. A new day. Same damn shit, different day. It’s just another shitty day. Nothing special. That’s how I feel about this day.
Happy New Year SP. Hope your year turns out better. I see mine going downhill and fast.
So the horror that is my life begins…
N.N.M
This year has been the worst year of my life . This year I changed my ways , started reflecting on my self & thinking differently , and saw the world differently than I used to . I changed to be a better person but it really had an impact on me. I used to hang out with the wrong crowd and get into trouble. I took my self away from all that madness . And I realized I wasted all my teenage years with the crappiest people . So this year was a reflective year on my self . And it was a hard […]
So welcoming with everyone with my first post i think i need to describe my problem-in order to pacify myself. Nobody has ideal life, mine wasn’t the worst, the best neither. Quarrels of father antagonised by his family against his wife and children, constant visits to doctors because of my illness, a sort of overprotectiveness of my mother, postponed socialisation with my peers – all this stuff caused that I have always felt alienated from others. This, plus that I have learnt a bit better than others, resulted in episodes of bullying, on which i reacted with aggresion, so tension have grown over time. I […]
I think I can move on. Like everyone says. I wrote and explained and tried… And I know she’s over me. Theres nothing to save. I tried.. Apologized. She said she isn’t sitting in her place sad thinking about how I lied. She’s not mad or upset. She good and doing fine. She asked since i know this too why I torture myself. I said I deserved it. I feel I do. Where i thought we had something she replied we were in two very different relationships. She don’t care. Thats all i cared about. But it doesnt matter. Makes me not want to see […]
and then she agreed to talk to me, like she did yesterday…..
and same as yesterday…..Nothing….
cant win for losing…..
and I was doing so much better…..
I am simply waiting to check out after my cat dies in another 8 years tops (since she’s middle aged for an indoor cat) seeing as how she’s the only person I can really think of who would actually be adversely impacted by my death with how she gets really down in the dumps after I’m gone just for a few days. I am incredibly brutally nihilistic at this point in my life which started from a very young age where I learned hard that there is no system of justice in physics so I don’t believe in good and evil, to me it’s all […]
2015 wasn’t an easy year for me. I didn’t attempt to kill myself but the thoughts at times to do so, were relentless. Last couple of months I’ve been doing group therapy for the first time since I was a teenager, with people that share my particular label which is borderline personality disorder. It feels good to be around people who are in the same boat. It has helped me feel less alone. I’m having to use my annual leave at work, to attend the appointments, which is a bit rough, because normally I’d use my annual leave as ‘sick days’ or as a day […]
I took this photo, sunsets usually make me feel better. I really don’t like being alone but what a beautiful view isn’t it? I can’t complain
Cold air and the warm light. Hope you like it. Merry Christmas.
Hugs
The science channel is playing every single Mythbusters episode in order for 10 days I’ve forgot so much about this show in its early years…. the post is over im all suicidal ranted out. Im procrastinating and tired but i don’t feel like rambling. I hope you all feel better you are special people.
Merry christmas to all here every day is a new day hope all have a great holidays im hopeing 2016 will be better year for all
I don’t understand why I let her in again. It took less than 24 hours for me to fall back under her spell. I have no power in this relationship- I never have. When I left her ten months ago, I slowly started to gain my self-confidence and independence back. But four days ago, I let her back into my life. I am weak again, and I just want her to hold me and run her fingers through my hair. I am so close to my 1000th day of not self-harming, and I have not stopped thinking about cutting […]
Today was… An Okay Day.
That’s a little better. It’s better than what I’ve been feeling for the past 3 weeks.
I have less anger, less rage, less pain, less everything I’ve been feeling lately.
I feel safe for the first time in months. I’m less paranoid. Took a walk on my own with no fear. No need to constantly look over my shoulder and scrutinize every single person walking behind me. I felt free.
I smiled a genuine smile. I could feel it. It wasn’t forced or fake like the ones I’ve been giving. It was a real smile.
I don’t know what’s happening, […]
I complain about my job all the time and I’m sorry. But today I came across some new things.
Today, I had access to Z’s computer. I looked through her IM’s between her and T and they’re all complaining about me or making fun of me.