My life’s too busy, I did that on purpose so I’d be too busy to think, but I just want a day to do nothing, I’m so worn out….on the bright-side, I found $50 of the ground today! anyways i’m just so tired, and I’m really worried about my BF who is also suicidal, and he’s really over life right now, which really scares me, and I don’t know what to do. He sees a therapist, which is at least more than I do for myself. I don’t know how I could live if he ever died, and wanting to live is hard as it […]
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Bf
So I’ve been with this guys for almost 2 years. He’s a great guy and we used to be inseparable, but it’s becoming clear that we’re not meant for each other and have nothing in common. However he knows about my depression and my previous suicide attempt so I think that’s the reason he hasn’t broken up with me. I plan to leave the world next week (have surefire method) so I’m debating whether or not I should breakup with him first. Thoughts?
I feel like I just need to scream. I need to just scream and just keep screaming to get all these feelings out. I just want to be happy. After all my years of dealing with depression I’ve never wanted to be off this earth as much ad I do now. You’d think I have a good life, I work a lot, have honors and ap classes in school. But everything’s fake. I’m so fake. I wake up for school and put on a smile.I am abused. I’m a senior in highschool and Im being mentally abused by my freshman brother. I have this personality […]
Lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. i keep seeing my dads dead body when I close my eyes at night or I dream that he is still alive. It’s twisted because when I was still in the womb he attempted to stab me. I hated hearing that as I grew up. He was a drug addict, and had about 6 fatal infections leading up to his death. The flesh eating one is what killed him two years ago a week before my 16th birthday. We had a rocky relationship. From the age of 6-12 he abused me. I lived with him […]
Well, I haven’t been looking around much here, but I thought that if I write it down, I might have a better picture of my situation.
Basically, there’s nothing wrong with my life. I got a nice apt., a cat, a loving BF and a  great family. Even job is OK.
Thing is – I just don’t want to live anymore, I have no interest in seeing what will happen next, no plan for kids/children, no interest in finding a new job or studying (have already pursued a Master’s degree). In short, I just don’t care anymore. I don’t see the point of all this, I’m not […]
all my life , I’ve been that fat girl, the ugly girl. The girl noone wants to be around. Okay . I’ve had my fights and stuff but I just still don’t get why nooone has ever liked me. I’ve had ftoends and boufroends but I always find out what they really think of me.. its always my personality .. Im numb.. all I do sometimes is cry. My dad used to be an alcoholic now my mom is an abusive alcoholic.. my first love is now gay.. Im 17 years old.. I weigh 200 pounds. I have acne all over my face and body […]
Last year I had a bf for 4 months. Not exactly the longest relationship, but it was still pretty long. We had 4 classes together and lunch. His name was John. He was my everything and I was his. We were the couple that everyone thought was cute and would last forever you know? Of course it didn’t. We ended really bad. I tried to be friends with him but I miss him, and I think I still like him. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He’s embarrassed to talk to me. Why does it hurt so much?
i’ve been down since forever and this spring i’ve had enough. I feel trapped inside my heavy body and can¨t wait to get out. i avoid social situations but my BF has many friends and sometimes they come to our place. I mostly hide in my bedroom and he’s ashamed. But I can’t stand social situations. I start crying. Everyone’s looking weird at me and I’ve lost them forever, I will always be the weird chick that started crying. I hate it when my bf says i don’t try hard enough and that he’s ashamed of me. My dad used to tell me […]
I’m in my early 20s now and I’ve survived a tough teenage, including several suicidal attemps. I’ve always been an “alternative” girl, listening to non commercial music, not wearing fashionable cloths, not going to the disco, not smoking/bingedrinking/fucking with everyone around. This fact made my life more complicated and allowed a lot of people to talk shit about me and bully me. I’ve tried several times to convince myself that my being unique should be a reason good enough to live, but it didn’t last too long. My family is a normal one, but my parents don’t support me, don’t like what I do and […]
I’m sitting on my bed, and all I hear is the rain falling and the wind going crazy. Sometimes I wish there was more sun here. It makes me more depressed looking outside. Today has been another bad day, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, and I feel so lonely. I’ve lost mostly all my friends because I’ve been with my bf for 2 years and it’s all about him now, which is good because he’s my friend but when he’s not there I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand how much sadness I feel inside, and all the […]
wow, what i crazy past few weeks.
lets see, um i week ago, after not being able to talk to my bf for over a week, he actually messaged me back saying that it wasnt going to work out.. that he only asked me out on spur of the moment feelings and that he did care about me… what a load of crap. I actually did cut some more, and i do regret them this time. For once, i actually found someone that i wanted to be with and he dumped me. I feel like absolute shit.
Anyway my 16th birthday is in 25 days and my […]
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
i need to get that thru my head..i thought my bf who promised me everything just turned around in a flash and said cuz of his depression were over for good and we will never talk again..like wtf? who the hell does that..im depressed too but i would never do that. ever. i thought he was perfect…..that hed always love me…i was wrong..he was my last chance to wanting to live…now that hes gone..so am i.
Do I have a sign saying “shes vunerable, take advantage” on my back?
by lonelyinside
written by lonelyinside
This crap is getting really old. My new boyfriend, the one afore mentioned, turns out to be nothing that i was expecting under pressure.
The story starts on Thursday after school. Im texting him and his ‘best friend’ takes his phone and starts a convo with me like she knows me. Being the polite girl i am, i keep talking to her. She then tells me she has feelings for my bf and so my friend takes my phone and politely tells her(under me) that there needs to be boundaries cuz were dating. This girl starts trippin on me and i leave with my best […]
I lost my new job. Have no car. My family has disowned me. I have no car and live in a motel with my bf who also recently lost his job. I don’t do drugs, I hardly ever drink, I’m honest and kind. But I am bipolar and diabetic and ADHD and depressed and probably have personality disorder. I am stubborn but very sensitive. I’m so tired of being stressed and broke and scared and feeling worthless to the world. I hate how others gladly walk all over good people and mistreat them for their own success or profit. I’m sad. I sometimes dream of […]
I feel so stupid. yesterday i didn’t go to school, and so i was in my room, and i lit my candle. A piece of paper fell into it and caught on fire. I not thinking, grabbed it and got out of my room. I ended up with 2nd degree burns on my thumb. I feel great. My bf was at school today to turn in his books and say goodbye. He really isn’t coming back and i told myself that im stupid for actually thinking that his sister was wrong and he was coming back.
I really just want to escape […]
found out the greatest news today from my friend. My bf, whom i havent seen since monday, isn’t coming back to school. Fucking Awesome. we’ve been together a little over 2 months and i was looking forward to a lot longer than that. She said it like it was nothing, and i was internally getting pissed off, which led to numbness and everyone thought i was pissed, becuase thats what my facial expression was. He got some kind of job and i don’t know how to deal with this. Things were finally getting better and I felt the world wasn’t constantly conspiring agaisnt me now, […]
I don’t know why i try anymore, honestly. it seems like everything i do actually does nothing in this world. I give my friends everything they ask for and keep my promises, you know, being a good friend, and they make up excuses, “oh, i had to stay home and watch my sister” or “I forgot” a couple weeks later. Dropping classes with me because it makes you too tired to be able to go hunting and leaving me to be with your cousin who buys you stuff. It’s crap because im supposed to be her friend, but she leaves me to be with her […]
i love my boyfriend but…. he recently almost killed himself. if it werent for me calling the police he’d be dead. but now he’s mad and im sick of all this shit. i mean i love him but i cant handle this anymore. but if i break up with him he’ll kill himself. plus i know my other friend c. will ask me out and i like him. nowhere near as much as my current bf but i do like him and couldnt say no. and then my current bf would try to beat up c. (and hurt himself in the process because he’s not […]
my bf was going to commit suicide. we’ve always talked about it, but this time he sounded serious. he made me promise not to tell. he said he was going to write him suicide note and leave as soon as he was alone, most likely the next day. he said goodbye, and thank you for being an amazing gf, and sorry about a hundred times. But i was scared so i told my friend who knows all this and happens to be his ex. ive convinced her before not to tell anyone, but this time she said fuck it im telling, and told her mom. […]
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