They say that Depression is like this black hole that sucks at your soul, The things you love start to lose there color. Your Dreams cease to lose there luster. So Naturally when you are less then thrilled with existing in this dismal shit hole of an existence that our parents with not so much as a sideways glance thought about, the “Professionals” have a simple answer for this. To Medicate. To dull our minds so that in short, while it doesn’t really fix the Depression, it just makes us give less of a fuck about why we want to throw ourselves headfirst into the […]
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Black Hole
Guess who was wrong?
Well, my last posts here were talking about my recovery and how things got so much better and bla bla bla, but hey it just got worse all of sudden. All that “my life is getting better” was bs. Lol life is being so bitter, but I guess it’s my fault, I am a piece of crap.
I had probably 3 ups in my life since last year, and probably 100 downs. That is not fair, but life isn’t fair for some lucky people like me. I had dreams, I had goals, I had desires and I guess they are never going to be accomplished, […]
I don’t belong here. . . My brother is constantly going on about how he’s depressed and that apparently means that I should do things for him and he tries to make me feel guilty saying things like how our dad (who adopted and raised him) likes me more than him and treats me like a princess and just makes his life miserable when all he ever does is sit in his room and play video games. . . and I just moved in with my dad and his family last summer and its the first time in my life I’ve had him in my […]
I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything. The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious. I see right through people. Their lives so empty. Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial. I cant be meaningless. I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support. They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself […]
I just wanna say that this website has helped me stay around this long and was a great place to let myself out. That being said, it seemed fitting that my last post be my suicide note. So here it is. Goodbye.
To Whom It May Concern…
If you are reading this than I am dead. This may come as a shock to most who know me. If you want to know why, it’s basically because I hate myself. I’ve actually vomited because I hate myself so much. I loathe myself. I’m tired of being mediocore. I’m tired of being a failure to everyone around me. […]
This is my first time posting here. I’ve been to this site a lot. I’m not even sure if I should post or if it will help. I don’t think this is a plea for help. Maybe just an outlet for stuff I can’t say to anyone I know.
For about a year now I’ve struggled with self-diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder. And I’m pretty much done. Before July I was coping well enough with it. But immediately after July 27th, after a great week with friends at this church campground in Macon GA, Â things started going downhill. And at the end of August I kinda fell […]
I have no reason for it. No reason for the pain, guilt, or regret. No reason to complain or whine or say anything bad about my life.
My family are some of the nicest, kindest people on this planet. My friends are always there for me no matter what. I love them all so much and would do anything for them. I came from a wealthy home. While I was not given everything, I was given what I needed(and a little extra) and that is not something everyone can say. I’ve had a good education. I wouldn’t say I’m a genius but if I.Q. tests tell you […]
To me, the end of the world has been a very real thing for most of my life. I am almost surprised at everyday I wake up and the world itself hasn’t fallen into a black hole, or been blown up by humans, or taken over by aliens.
It’s gonna happen eventually…when and how is the real question!
I’ve been waiting for so long, everyday just wanting to see the end for myself. I want my normal work day to be shaken by world wide news of fire falling from the sky. I’m just waiting to feel the ground quake for the final time, for the […]
I’m writing here to tell you guys how I feel. As one of the posts I read, this person implied that he/she isn’t suffering from anything dramatic such as a traumatic experience, death of loved ones, problems in relationships or family matters. I myself could say the same. Anyone would want a simple life like mine but guess what.. Even I’m suffering. I’m suffering in a way that doesn’t make sense at all. I think of contemplating suicide, some days more than others. Why? Because of these horrific and nightmarish thoughts I have. I can’t stand the fact of knowing we are like […]
i was watching a bunch of science videos today on youtube (theyre damn entertaining). i learned that the radius of the universe is 14 gigaparsecs wide. 1 gigaparsec is 3.3 billion light years. 1 light year is 5.88×10^12 miles. 93 billion light years across. thats a ludicrous amount of space and its all full of mostly nothing. the earth is just a small rock floating in all this nothing.
to compare; there are over 1 trillion bacteria on the skin of an average human. these bacteria are about 2×10^-6 meters long. a 6 foot human is 1.83 meters. that means that we humans are almost a […]
i have a lot of problems in my house, my dad is not here anymore he got kidnapped like 4 years ago and i just want to die. I have never cut myself or anything im so weak i know and today i found out i got a stepsister and i cant believe my dad did that to my mom. My school hates me and i dont have a prom date my friends are all gone and i cant deal with this anymore i cant find something to hold on i just want to die and it feels like im falling into this deep black […]
I am 26, male. Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively intelligent (B.S. Physics), relatively attractive, and from the outside, it appears that my life is going well. All is not well. I have struggled with depression for over a decade now and sometimes it feels like I am smart enough to out-think it, beat it, but it always comes back to haunt me.
I have thought of all the possibilities, I wish I could hand my life off to someone more deserving. I should be happy! I have a stable job, a great roommate, and vitality that […]
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I had a secret, a dark little secret.
But I told and now I don’t.
He understood ‘cus he’s been through the same.
Little secret has now been told.
Vulnerable like a flower in a storm.
Like a fish outside of water,
I cannot breathe anymore.
I’m scared
I’m broken
I’m lost
Little pieces of me are shattered across the floor
A shattered soul
In this black hole I have no escape
Mummy says I’m too young to be depressed
Daddy already has other two perfect daughters
Friends are clueless
Parts of my past are forgotten
And fuck how I wish I could remember
“It’s a new day”, she thinks.
Open the blinds, the sun is shinning. She grabs her laptop, opens up itunes and puts some happy song playing.
“This will be a better day, it has to be.”
Hops up in the shower, singing along with the music, feeling the water wash away all the bad stuff. It almost seems like everything is okey, like the darkness is starting to go away. Her long hair is all pretty, and she looks at the mirror comtemplating herself.
“Maybe today someone will understand, maybe today someone will truly be there for me. Maybe I won’t be alone anymore.”
The music is still playing while […]
Hello. This will most surely be my one and only post that I will ever do on this or any website but I felt impulsed to do this. I’m not sure if anyone will care.. but I just want to let out how I feel. My life has always been difficult. With an abusive stepdad and a mother that prefered him over her own blood.. but these last 2 years have been unbearable I cannot take it anymore. My life is complete sadness.. the only good thing I had was my one love. My girl, my future (which I thought)… but now I have finally […]
Suicidal people are some of the deepest people that exist. Why might that be?
Maybe it’s because our soul is a big black hole, a bottomless pit, much like our minds.
There’s no ground, and no ceiling, it just fades to blackness, in the back of our minds.
Maybe it’s because we’re not afraid of going to hell, because we’ve already been.
This makes us incredibly strong, yet hopelessly weak.
My mind has a never ending cry for help. I suffer in silence and when I speak people think its just a phase. I hope they’re right, I hope I’m wrong. I always say there’s always a limit for everything, it’s come to the point where the most important people in my life have turned their back on me. It feels nasty, I have disgust in my heart and tears want to flow through my eyes, I want to scream through the walls, yet I keep myself from doing this, I don’t want people seeing my pain, my suffering. So I keep that anger, that […]
I’m so tired. . . Tired of crying, fighting, trying to find some will to live inside this black hole of mine. I simply cannot take anymore. I’m trapped inside a world of hate and I am their object of disgust. The only future left is just day after day of pain to be added to my past.
I have attempted nine times unsuccessfully. 5 od’s. Hanging. 2slit wrist attempts. And downing mr.clean. I have scars covering my arms, shoulder to wrists and my thighs and calves. *sigh* but even cutting, the only friend Ive had, has left me now. But this helium thing and carbon […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
I’ve been reading things that I wrote about two and half years ago when I found :
Deep inside a darkness resides, a black hole of nothingness.
An emptiness that sucks the life force out of you.
A void that whispers: “You are tired of living, give up!â€.
The pit of endless sorrow threatens you at every fall.
And now, when I stare into the abyss within…
It stares back at me with its cruel vicious eyes.
It’s funny to see how nothing has changed during this time…
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