Well, I’m the girl everyone thinks is happy. They all come to me with their problems. No one would suspect that I’ve dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember…
I know the first time I remember wanting to die was when I was 7 years old. When I voiced this thought to my mother, she said she would hit me if I ever said that again.
I remember I was about 12 or 13 when I first started cutting and starving myself. No one thought anything of my rapid weight loss; kids go through stages where they suddenly lose […]
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Brother
I can’t remember when I haven’t felt like I am  just waking up because I have to. If it was physically possible just to continue to sleep – I would. I hate facing the day. I drive home hurt and scared and angry every day. I fail as a wife, I fail at being what I feel I should at my job…I am a burden of misery to my best friend whom I ***** to every day. She moves to Germany soon and I know our friendship will fade away. Every day is the same. Most nights during the week I just cry myself to sleep.
People keep […]
I’ve posted about my mother before and how we really don’t get along. I am so sick of having to sit and listen to her complain about my dad, and now she’s saying that he’s making us move house for his own reasons (I don’t live with my dad, he won’t have me). Then she said it, that when we move house she wants me to go and live somewhere else. She’s happy for my 22-year-old brother to stay with her and my 19-year-old sister, but not me. What are you supposed to do when even your own mum doesn’t want you?
So before I start talking, I guess I’ll say a small bit about my self. I’m 15, a freshman in high school, going toward sophomore after the summer goes by like always. I’ll keep my name anon. though.
But anyways, I’ve been depressed. As a child I had a abusive father, my mother could never do anything about him hitting me or my siblings. He used to come home drunk, pretty much rape my mother and rampage when thing didn’t go his way. My brother used to touch me as a child, him being gay. I’ve never told my mother, I just forgotten about it and […]
On July 26, 2013, I will be sad, depressed, and all kinds of crap will be going on in my mind. Why? That day will mark the 3rd year that I lost my father to suicide.
My father was the most kindest mad you would have ever met. He would give his shirt off his back to a stranger. He use to tell me and my siblings and friends that “there is nothing wrong with being yourself.”
How can a man with such a big heart want to end all of that? And where was I when it happened?
I was about to take my last exam of […]
My favorite scene of one of my favorite movies.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-QbRzo7HNY
This was the 2 brothers last conversation, right before Jim’s older brother tries to kill himself (again) by driving into a tree.
And I have no idea why I’m posting it here but, I am. I’m exhausted. The only true smile that has come to my face in the past few years was just before my attempt several weeks ago – the rest of the time it has been this forced curvature which, I must say, I’ve become quite the expert at creating. The sadness. The consistent failures. The burden I’ve been to so many for so long. Iit’s just so tiring.
For almost 30 days I’ve had no contact with anyone in my personal life save three individuals one being my “brother” who lives quite literally thousands […]
6 months ago, my 12 year old brother was in independent detention when he tried to choke himself with the wire of a spiral notebook. Gladly, someone caught him and they had the school’s deputy escort him to a behavioral institution. At the end of my school day, I was waiting down in the band hall for two of my friends, Valerie and Wolfgang, when I got the text from my mother that read: [Your brother] tried to kill himself at school. Dad and I are going to the Littleton Behavioral Institute. We don’t know when we’ll be home but you need to take care […]
Everyone… and i mean everyone thought i was weird, or crazy or stupid or ugly. and it hurt. but i didn’t mind too much until my brother died. that’s when it all began. i was getting hate comments on my ask.fm ” ew your ugly, get away you might have a deices “. That’s when i became depressed… i tried to take my life
1. write a note.
2. put it by the door.
3. open the cap
4. swallow all of the pills.
but i realized that i couldn’t not just yet. My brother wouldn’t want it… i had to wait.. and so i did….
My life was great up until 6th grade girls became attractive, any guy who went near my crush became Satan. I was this super overweight, annoying gay guy with no life. Ok guys, sorry to rain on your parade asshole, but I’m straight, blah blah blah, suicide attempt after suicide attempt, failing everytime.
Moving on to 7th grade, my crush sort of became my obsession. She was amazing, and then she rejected me, enter my new friend, cutting. Then my crush became my hatred. Then my crush again. Then I gave up, and started taking interest in a new girl, she was beautiful, with her […]
I dont feel suicidal. I can handle life just great. I came here because my brother killed himself and I wanted to kind off undestand what suicidal people think, how they see life ect. I thought that maby I could at least help a stranger if I couldnt help my bro.
Well I realised, that even if one is not suicidal it can become very depressed, gloomy and pesimistic hanging with you guys here… And helping someone here if mission impossible. You are trapped in your bubble of pain and dont wanna get out. You say you cant, I think deep down, you just […]
This is my first post on this site. I just happened to google the title of my post and SP came up. Here I go, I am so sick of not having someone in my life to do anything with. I know it sounds pathetic but its getting harder and harder not to wish for some quick death. All my life I have went out of the way to help people and be a good friend. I tried to be a good brother, a good son. I was always told “Don’t worry, you meet someone”. That gets old after hearing it a few years. I’m not […]
I wish I could get this feeling away from me but suicide pops into my head all day. I’m 21 years old and feel like I have already lived enough. I’m drained. I sit here now typing this in my bed n don’t even have the energy to pick my head up off the pillow. And I did nothing today. Like I do everyday. But suicide seems so nice right now. Like all this stress and sadness gone in a minute. Â But what’s so hard about it is I don’t want to die. When I think about it I just think of my mom n […]
My name is Christiane and I am 20 years old. This is my story.
My mom and dad had been fighting badly the past few years. They had been married 19 years but were together for 22 years. We lived in Florida as the only blood family around. All our family lived in California. My dad would get angry with my mom and fly her there when he thought he was done with her. This was about the third or fourth time it happened and during this last time my mom was in California, my dad took his own life.
On April 11, 2013 I came home […]
I guess it started when I was born. I’m currently writing incredibly bluntly, please bear with it. I’m immensely bitter, especially right now. The state I’m in right now is disjointed and confusing and I just don’t understand anything of my thoughts, I thought maybe writing my story out would help.
Right, so I guess it started when I was born. So really, just this family. I’ve been abused as a kid. I don’t realize this until now. I didn’t understand this as abuse, and I was a child who only knew their parents to be right. I didn’t really understand the concept of having your […]
I decided that it’s no longer about living because I have to. I’m going to live because I need to. My mom is currently in intensive care I came home and found her blue from lack of oxygen. She can’t breathe on her own. My mom is everything to me. She came back when I was 12 and saved me and my brothers lifes. I won’t give up until I know she’s fine. I blame a lot of this on myself the lack of oxygen is from to many medications because she was in pain because she was stressed about me. My mom has a […]
I have nothing clever or profound to write. I’m just sad tonight and lonely and was crying- just pathetic. but it’s the truth. I’m feeling so alone and messed up this week. I was better last week, some stuff happened, nothing major, but it’s completely derailed me. Does that happen to anyone else? It’s so soul destroying. I have to get up off the floor once again.
At least crying made me feel some relief, some pain went away and I can feel a little,. But I was afraid if my brother wasn’t here I was going to run into the woods with the kitchen knife.
So […]
My best friend… well to put it quite bluntly they are in the worst place – they are on the edge of the cliff and are about to fall off very soon.
They keep telling me that there is no hope for them, that I should stop trying to help them when there is no possible solution – but that’s just not in my nature. I wouldn’t leave a stranger alone let alone someone who I think of as nothing less than a brother. When you love somebody you cant just walk away, no matter how much they push…
Yesterday he told me that he just […]
hi my name is umair ad i am 21 years old my story of life is very unique when i was 5 year old my cousin said me that she loves me she was just 4 years old and now our love is 17 years old this is very strange we started to love each other when we did not know the meaning of love but i think we started to love because we born for each other i was living very happy life with her but at the start of this year my cousin told me  that her parents are looking for a good boy […]
I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m extremely suicidal, I have no fear of death and I welcome it’s emptiness. However, I have this insane little happy part of myself that won’t shut up about all of my hopes and dreams and how they could still happen. I really feel like two people at once sometimes. I don’t know whether to feel good or bad that they both agree I’m ugly and look nothing like they do in my head. (I have a lot of self-hate.)
I think it might be worse because I don’t feel like I have the right to feel this way. […]